October 2016 (thread number four). Entering the second trimester.

[FuzzyOwl]

Last thread can be found here

Charlotte am still in normal clothes. Tried on some maternity leggings this morning and just had a big saggy pouch, so back in the cupboard they've gone. Was in normal clothes last time until the end, but did need a size bigger in tops and a safety pin on my trousers. At work I wear dresses, some of them will be fine for quite a bit longer as the cut on them is quite forgiving. Some new ebayed purchases arrived today with work dresses so will have a bit more choice at least. Am naturally quite tall and slim scrawny with wide hips, so lots of room for a growing baby!

Amy inbox me about Facebook group X

So I've been feeling sick again this week :( I've also started with nosebleeds - woo!
Had a crappy week. Was off on MOnday cause my anxiety was so bad, the tues (day off) I couldn't even keep water down. By Tues pm I'd only kept a few crackers and half a bowl of soup so text my boss to say I wouldn't be in on Weds. Thurs I go and and immediately get dragged to a chat. I asked if I'd done anything wrong and was told no, but then spent an hour being told off for being sick so often (including one day when I was actually in!). If I'm honest I spent most of it crying and bleeding and I'm a bit fed up. Basically she is putting loads of pressure on me to tell people at work (we havent told family yet) cause (initially) others'd be more understanding (they know about the depression and anxiety) and (eventually) it'd be easier for her. She also told me to ignore my depression and get on with it for the sake of my baby and OH! Bloody cheek! As she was depressed after her mum died 'I know it's different but depression is depression' so I should just ignore my feelings and come to work, or I can be off sick and she'll email me work to do at home. (would she be saying that if it was cancer or some other long term illness?) OH was furious and I've been stewing about it since. She also said if my depression (no actually it was the anxiety) was that bad I should've got an emergency appt to see the dr but wouldn't accept that it's not accepted as an emergency at the surgery so wasn't possible. (plus I couldn't leave the sofa let alone travel to my drs on my own) Friday I didn't see her as she was in meetings all day.
We're planning on telling parents next weekend as it's OH's dad's and my mum's birthdays so we want to give them the scan pics as part of their presents (plus it's the only time we'll see them at near enough close to the same time). Neither of us want to tell work before family, and now I'm not sure I want to tell them anyway. I told my boss as she's a first aider and I thought it was common courtesy as I'd be off for appts and she needed to know I was coming off my meds.
Anyway the whole thing really cheesed me off! Sorry for the rant but I can't vent to anyone else yet as they don't know! :)
On a more positive note, what does it feel like when the baby starts moving? I had a really weird feeling yesterday like a pop, immediately followed by a feeling that felt like a flick, which some on here have said is that. This morning I had a weird feeling like butterflies but not. It's definately not wind (I have IBS so know those feelings well! :) ) but is it the baby/ Or could it be something to do with the fibroid the found at the scan? (I've avoided googling this as I know I'd convince myself I'm dying or some other nonsense)
Apologies for the long post! Passes to anyone who's read the whole thing!

Your boss is being totally unreasonable and is probably breaking every HR rule in the book with regards to pregnant employees. If you have an HR manager or Occupational Health at work I would definitely make an appointment to see them as soon as you can. This needs to be nipped in the bud asap otherwise your anxiety is only going to get worse. She sounds like a nightmare!

MeDownSouth: your boss was entirely out of line, not sure where you work but if you have a union rep I would speak to them, or alternatively someone in HR. Has your boss done a risk assessment for your pregnancy yet? also, companies are not allowed to penalise you for pregnancy related illness: www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/your-rights-if-you-are-ill-during-pregnancy-or-after-maternity-leave/ so in future if you need time off for anxiety I'd blame it on the pregnancy (which sounds likely anyway if you are having to come off your meds).

Hope you are alright xx

bringonthrsummer I've sent you a PM about the facebook group.

Unfortunately it's a small organisation so no HR, if I'm honest one day off was due to morning sickness, two due to ongoing illnesses (that is on all of my records and I make no secret about), one day that I actually worked and of the others two were for a tummy bug picked up from one of the kids I worked with (colleague also had this but didn't take time off so it seems that doesn't count as an excuse) then one for my heavy cold where every time I moved I went dizzy and nearly passed out, the last day for the vomiting as described above (all from feb-now previously not much illness except MH days). She was trying to blame the whole thing on the pregnancy and had to be seen to be doing something as the others don't know. I tried to correct her but she wouldn't listen (I'm happy to blame it on it if she wants but it feels a bit dishonest not to own up when it wasn't). Usually she's fine but she's from a country known for their fiery tempers so if she gets something in her head she runs with it.
Our industry doesn't have a union as such and as far as I know no RA (last pregnancy at this place is now a 19yr old working there!). And thanks for the link, I have read it all but can't really say much without outing us before we're ready. (this was a surprise and with MH issues and moving house it's taken a bit of an adjustment)
The thing that tickled me was apparently people have been asking why I can't up my meds but when I told her I had cause I wasn't coping she told me off as I shouldn't be doing that without seeing the dr! (he said it was ok to if needed as it's a pathetically low dose). I'm also booked to see the MH MW but as there's one of her for the whole trust it's not til mid may (not good enough, needs to be sooner says my boss). And the whole time she kept saying 'i'm not trying to stress you out' xD I honestly don't think she understands depression and anxiety so I think that's a big part of the problem. She told me it might be easier to get signed off cause then nobody can argue with it but 1. i don't think the dr would, 2. I'm not feeling quite that bad, 3. it'll affect our mortgage insurance (we've not exchanged yet on the damn thing), 4. i've not felt that bad up to now.
I think I've just had an overwhelming couple of weeks, especially as it's getting closer to tell the parents time (we're dreading it :/ )
I'm ok, just needed to vent :)

PS anyone able to help with the baby question? the feeling is weirding me out so I'm curious to know if it is the tiny person :)

me down south how many weeks are you?

You could well be feeling your baby move

This is my fourth and I started feeling little bit in week 11!

between 14 and 15 I keep losing track of the specific day :)
I have a tiny bump, which looks small but won't fit in most of my trousers! boo!

Could definitely be baby then!

Is this your first?

Eek! that's exciting and scary at the same time - the scan was weird enough!
Yep, hence the freaking out about everything haha!

MeDownSouth your employer has a legal requirement to conduct a risk assessment once they know you are pregnant: www.gov.uk/working-when-pregnant-your-rights

You said that some of the illnesses weren't due to pregnancy but its likely that the severity of most has been down to pregnancy eg. I had a heavy cold and couldn't take anything for it and had to have a couple of days off to recover. Usually I would have chugged back lemsips every four hours and got on with it! Your immune system is all over the place and your hormones are out of whack so things you would normally brush off will affect you far more than usual.

Remember you owe them no explanation and your boss is the one who is out of line. You can self certify absences of less than a week and that should be sufficient for your boss.

Look after yourself xx

Thanks Giggle, being very well looked after by OH :). Yeah my cold lasted over a week, it was going round work so I was bound to get it. I passed it to a colleague who managed to come in (implication: i could've done) but she isn't front line staff and she can take more than paracetamol :(
I had a good chat with OH about it, including whether she was right about how he might feel about the pregnancy and looking after me with the depression, which led to an awkward conversation about how she was so far off and ofc it's not a problem so I shouldn't be thinking that way. He wants to have words (we work in the same place), especially as he said ambushing someone with anxiety on the day they return from being off due to the anxiety isn't on.
Anywho, that's enough grumping from me, anyone got any good things to cheer us up now I've brought the thread down? :)
(I am ok now I've calmed down, apart from needing to vent to someone, so thank you for the thoughts, I think I like my new virtual friends)

Bless you south

MeDownSouth could definitely be your baby! Really sorry to hear how your work are treating you. Do you have occupational health? If so, ask to be referred to them (or do a self referral) as they can then go through all your concerns and write a report to your manager. I guarantee that they will back you up. I went through a home move last pregnancy so completely understand the aniexty that comes with it but if you have your mortgage offer than being off sick shouldn't make any difference as there is no need for your pay slips to be looked at again. Do consider being off sick if your work won't support you. and

Have yet to have my risk assessment, and I do need one. Vaguely recall last time round not being supposed to do quite a lot of things. The nurses are all getting twitchy on my behalf, and am yet to hear from the risk assessor or occy health. Might nag them on Monday. Horrible to have unsupportive work colleagues/managers, just an added layer of stress.

No occy health. It's more the mortgage insurance than the payslips, they've put the price up because I have MH issues and may need time off work but if I have time off (even if I don't want it) it'll affect it as we haven't exchanged so therefore haven't accepted the offer yet. I know it's silly but I work part time (with no sick pay [other than SSP] I might add, which my boss thinks she's paying me!) and with a new house (needs doing up or we wouldn't afford it), a baby on the way and no local family for childcare if I do go back to work the pennies add up!
Thanks Fuzzy, I'm sat here with a hot chocolate and giggling my way through some other threads on here :)
Hope you get sorted soon BigPig, at least if you've done it before and the nurses are watching you then you have something to start with. I'd definately chase it up if I were you. I think I might ask my boss about RA too....

medownsouth yep definitely sounds like its your baby moving. Sorry work are being so rubbish. The advice others have given all sounds good. Just remember you have alot more rights when pregnant.
bigpig I am impressed you are still in normal clothes. I am fully in maternity clothes at 17 weeks here, infact I've been in them since about 11 weeks, and some bits earlier. I am going to be the size of a house by the end of this pregnancy.

We had a gender scan earlier today and found out we are having a girl! so excited as we already have a 3 year old DS, and I was really hoping to have a girl. Now the fun shopping for all things girly can start!

Ok MeDownSouth so it sounds as if you are definitely staying at work, which is understandable, so how about composing an email to your manager of your concerns, or even as a write up of the meeting you had and your thoughts on what was discussed, so you can send it to her and ask for a risk assessment to be completed? Perhaps putting in there that you want and intend to stay in work without any time off sick and you want her to assist you in managing this by doing... Do you think that might help?

Great news Ditsy.

Congrats Ditsy! Have you told DS? What does he think?
Happy shopping!

That's a good idea Fuzzy. We did 'agree' how we can 'move forward' but I'm not sure if I was agreeing to it or just in a muddled, emotional agreement. And some of it felt unworkable. I'm seeing the dr for a medicine review next week so I'll have a chat with him and see what he says too. At least if he gives me advice it can't be argued with as that's what she told me to do!

Down south I would argue that things like the tummy bug and cold were pregnancy related in that you likely could have carried on (as your colleague did with the tummy bug) if you weren't also pregnant. It's really in your best interests to have as much as possible blamed on the pregnancy as then you are protected and from what you say I think the pregnancy is responsible for exacerbating your existing conditions.

Yep Badly I'm happy to do that :D it was just the way she said it was all pregnancy (ie morning sickness) and not ongoing health issues so I had to fess up that bugged me.
Ah now I'm derailing the thread again. Anyone else finding out what they're having?

But MeDownSouth pregnancy is a really emotionally difficult time for some women who do not have a history of MH; I had prenatal depression in my last pregnancy. Don't forget that you could take different or higher doses of medication including anti anxiety and anti depressants if you weren't pregnant, so it is all related even if it isn't all morning sickness as such (and dizzy spells are definitely pregnancy related). Don't forget that an employer cannot discipline you for pregnancy related sickness, so it really is in your best interest to make sure everything that possibly is linked to your pregnancy goes down as that. Good luck with it and if your manager has asked you to do things in work you can't do or you feel clarity is needed about, your GP can do you a Fit Note saying you can work as long as a certain adjustment is made or write a letter to support you.

And yes, if everything goes well at my scan on Monday which I am terrified about I will have a 16 week scan to find out the sex.