July 2016 (7) We're halfway to meeting our little bubs

[allthegoodnamesalreadytaken]

Hi all started a new thread as the old one was getting almost to 1000. We're a very chatty bunch! Happy Friday

I emailed back and said as far as I was a aware it was a normal amount of appointments for first pregnancies and the only extra appointments ive actually booked in annual leave. I said I don't have appointment cards as such but will happily provide her with a copy of the front of my prg notes showing appointments.
I got a bounce back so I forwarded the whole conversation onto her boss reiterating that I will happily provide a copy of my notes. Said I had taken annual leave for a day at hospital and mentioned that my anti natal classes are booked for out of hours. Said I was surprised that there was concern over my appointments and wondered what the concern was.

Does she think I'm lying or is she that stupid to complain in writing to a pregnant employee about appointments.

How is it that people who are supposed to be HR experts can be so ignorant about basic maternity rights?! Sorry this HR woman is bothering you with these ridiculous emails. The only implication from her first email is that she's implying that you're taking time off that isn't for appointments. I wonder if she realizes the seriousness of accusing you of that?!

Hopefully her boss won't be as stupid, and will apologise to you!

Kaytee in all honesty, I think the only reason I didn't panic is that I've panicked so much already this pregnancy that I have run out of panic!!! Sorry you've been so ill - that must be absolutely grim while pregnant. Also sorry about your HR issues - really hope she gets told off for this.

Thom I had been wondering when your cardiac scan was. Fingers crossed for that.

gnat glad you had a good appointment with the midwife. I've got a brand new one too next time, which is a shame as I liked the other one - but she retired! Can't help that!]

YouandMe hope you get the pain sorted. My bump has just started to get a little uncomfortable underneath when I'm walking anywhere quickly. Hoping it doesn't get worse...

Anna hope the delivery was full of goodies!

Beautician you can sometimes top up national insurance on a voluntary basis. Ring HMRC and ask! And arggghhh I am so scared that the leg cramp might become a regular thing! Also, I freaking love the hospital bag list. Thank you.

Ellizardo last year I had an awful chest infection, was out for a dog walk, and had a coughing fit. I ended up coughing so hard that I vomited into the hedge, and while I vomited, I full-on peed myself!!!! Bought my first ever Tenalady after that... And that was before pregnancy!

Had the scan this afternoon - everything looks absolutely fine and I've been signed back over to midwife care. Hooray!

Speak I'm still furious about it, I know I'm in the right but it doesn't instil me with confidence regarding coming back to work after mat leave.
I've had 3 & half sick days since being pregnant, unfortunate but not unheard of. The first was severe morning sickness at around 8 weeks, I was losing weight at the start and very un well. I then had to leave at lunchtime one day due to feeling faint and being sick, called in the following week the midwife and confirmed low blood pressure and told me to rest. When I called on that occasion she said to me 'I'm concerned that you're needing so much time off'. This was one of the reasons I was so reluctant to call in today even though I couldn't stay out of the bathroom. I'm probably not ready to go back tomorrow but I feel I have no choice.
It's really disappointing considering I actually worked at home the days I called in sick, regularly stay late and work and work at the weekends.

Omg I cannot believe this. Her boss has emailed me back saying that with her very complicated pregnancy she was rarely at appointments and they would only expect 2-3 instances of appointments and there's no difference with first or subsequent pregnancies.
On the nhs website it lists 13 appointments.
At the top of my notes it says around 10 for first time and 7 for subsequent.
I can't believe I'm being persecuted for going to my midwife appointments I'm absolutely gobsmacked and am sitting here in tears.
I have no one else to speak to at work now, she was the highest up in hr.

KayTee I can't believe how they are treating you. I wouldn't engage with them any further and contact the overall person in charge (not just HR) with a scanned copy of your appointment schedule. It is completely unacceptable that they're referring to their own pregnancies - it isn't comparable!! They should be following policy not their experience.

Kaytee - if you've not already, reply very calmly and relate the facts of NHS appt scheduling plus send her the contact details of not only your midwife but the consultant in charge of the antenatal dept (should be on any hospital letterhead). Ask her if she'd like to meet in person to discuss any 'concerns'. Confront her head on and politely as you have zero to be made to feel guilty about. What a pair of twats and what a shame they're women.

Bluebell & Anna - thank you for your pee stories, feel much better now!

So pleased scans were happy & healthy: good perspective giver!

Ha fifi just gave totally diff advice but don't see why you can't combine and cc their bosses too. Totally unprofessional as you say to compare personal experiences

I replied and said I will send scans of my appointments tomorrow. I mentioned on the nhs website it lists up to 13 appointments, at the top of my notes it says around 10 and 7 for subsequent pregnancies.
Tomorrow I will scan all the documentation in and provide phone number of the midwife unit.
The way the company is set up there is no one else to speak to re this, the second women that replied is the hr director and as far as I'm aware the only people above director level are vice president and president who are based on the other side of the world with presumably different employment laws etc.
I can't believe she said there was no difference with subsequent pregnancies when my pg notes clearly say there is, also im pretty sure her youngest is 13.

I am so angry on your behalf Kaytee! How can an HR person not know how many antenatal appointments there are in a first pregnancy. I'm pretty sure you're actually entitled to take time off for antenatal classes and should definitely have been able to for your full day in hospital. Can you speak to someone higher up in your department about it?

I legally would have been entitled to have antenatal classes during the day and the day off for hospital but I was trying to be a good employee... ironic
Unfortunately my line manager is on the other side of the world too, isn't communicative and wouldn't know anything about employee rights in the UK. HR are meant to deal with it all.
There's an overall director in my office but he's a bit old fashioned and might agree with HR.
I'm starting to think the other 2 women that have been pregnant recently only told their line managers about appointents and the information didn't go to HR therefore they don't have anything to properly compare it against. Even if that is the case they're completely wrong to accuse me of something without checking the facts. I'm friendly with other two women so have actually emailed them saying I'm getting a bit of a hard time and how did they go about their appointments etc.

Seems they've actually been behaving illegally even asking for an appointment card - worksmart.org.uk/work-rights/family-friendly-work/maternity-leave/can-i-take-time-work-attend-antenatal-classes

Are you in a union?

Goodness me, the HR at your company sound like a useless bunch! Sorry they're giving you grief, but they are absolutely in the wrong. Last pregnancy I had to have regular blood pressure checks, weekly, and my work (school, as I was a teacher last time) didn't say a peep about it. I also had at least 6 scans, and many consultant appointments. I cannot emphasise how wrong your HR are for questioning you. They also can't count pregnancy related illness absence against you either. I would try and stay calm and not get drawn into any discussion beyond providing facts about your appointments. You could also maybe direct them to the .gov website where the maternity rights are outlined.

I'm so cross about this on your behalf

I know, I'm so surprised they're going down this route we're a huge company. No there's not really any unions in my industry.
I'm so upset about this, mostly by the fact that they clearly think I'm lying. I work really hard and have been known to put in 50-60 hour weeks - I don't get paid overtime.
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight and I still feel like crap, pulled a muscle in my back from throwing up. My husband is going to have to give me a lift into work tomorrow as it's agony.

I wonder if you can get a signed letter from doctor/midwife saying that this is standard procedure (not that you should have to). Please don't worry or lose sleep over it - they're clearly in the wrong.

I was thinking that I might do that although I'm not sure they would even have to provide it.
I'm now worried about taking time for my whooping cough vaccine that I've been told to book after 28 weeks at my gps.

Gnat - so sorry you were worried - all fine here just a full on couple of weeks with work. I love being freelance but the biggest problem is that I can't ever really leave work so I end up working silly hours when things are busy. Anyway, so glad your m/w appt went well. I downloaded an app to listen to the heartbeat as I'm too impatient to wait til next apt! Alas, I read after I'd bought it that it only really works after 30 wks! Guess I'll have to be patient. Also any time away is precious I reckon, wherever you end up going!

Youandme so sorry you're in pain, it so demoralising. Honestly I was a mess a few weeks ago with constant back pain. Are you managing to sleep ok, hope so? I got into see a physio eventually but an osteopath sorted the immediate problem out and I felt like a totally different person. Look after yourself x

Anna - glad you're feeling a bit better. Here's to a speedy recovery!

Kaytee - blimey you've had a rubbish day! I hope really hope you feel better soon and also, you have nothing to feel bad about going to your appointments! Ridiculous that your work is giving you a hard time! Think Elizardo is spot on about taking the the moral high ground and being very calm/co-operative with them even if you're seething inside. They do sound like idiots!

Beautician - I am loving your list! So helpful and I do find a list so comforting, thank you. Here's to enormous pants! Also I was told you can top up NI if you're short for MA….I've paid last years but this year's tax won't be done til next Jan so I think I'll owe too…..they don't make it easy do they? My Godmother used to work for the CAB and is great on all this kind of thing - I'm going to go through my form with her soon so if you have any questions I can ask her.

I too have had the cough-wee-pregnancy scenario - oh the glamour. Thank goodness I was at home when it happened!

P.S. Thom - I got some maternity dungarees from DH…..thinking they might be a bad idea now…..

I shall say Ciao fro now lovely ladies. Sleep well all and look forward to hearing all your news once we're home on Monday x

Kaytee, you are legally allowed to take as much time off work without repercussions if it is pregnancy related. For example, I would have been allowed time off to go to a physio drop in session. As it is I am off already so didn't need to take any extra time. Also, any sickness which is directly pg related should NOT affect your sickness record. And one more thing - f**k them and their "knowledge" on pg. You don't need to dovulge every detail but if you had to have a scan every week, then they would need to open the door for you on your way out and in. Check out hmrc website for guidelines on this part of employment law.

As for hospital bags, I plan on packing mine very soon and updating it as I go along. The reason is simple. With DS I hemorrhageed at 26 weeks and policy was to keep me in to monitor me for three days. I had to send DP home with a list of what to bring and where it was! When I got home I packed properly and was able to just grab my bag when I hemorrhaged again at 29 weeks. All was fine and with a bit of tlc I didn't have any more episodes and got signed off consultant care at 36 weeks. nearer to term, I changed my bag to two bags (one for labour and one for after with baby stuff included),even thought I was planning to be at home. It took so much pressure off knowing my bags were ready to go. And even at home we knew where everything was.

Plus I had a friend who unexpectedly went into labour at 35 weeks and ended up taking a big bottle of hello kitty bath bubbles, a computer programming for dummies, size 4 nappies and some random house music cd amongst other things. She took a picture and as her boy was the first of our pack to join us, it is tradition to share her hospital bag pic on his birthday each year.

One more thing. By chance I had some tenna pants in the house when I lost my plug and went into labour with DS and they were THE best thing. I could wear them and feel less yukky, there was no leakage, they fit over my enormous bump and I just threw them away afterwards. They were just so easy.

Have a lovely time cheery Rome is an amazing city! It holds lots of memories for me as that's where we got engaged. Throw caution to the wind and have a gelato - you only live once!

kaytee I endorse what everyone else says about the moral high ground. Also check your company's specific maternity policy to see what it says. I know for example ours allows time off for antenatal appointments but not for antenatal classes (these are discretionary) Like you I've had a lot of extra appointments because I'm under consultant care. I've felt a bit awkward about it because two other girls in my department are pregnant at the moment as well and they don't have as many appointments. No one has dared to question it because we're all lawyers so they know they know the consequences of discriminating against pregnant women but nonetheless I am very aware of it. What Eli suggests below about how to approach the situation is spot on.

Allthegood I've not actually had any extra appointments which is why I'm a bit I've had 8 week, 12 week, 16 week, 20 week and 22 week and apparently these are standard appointments. The only 'extra' is gtt and anti-d which is on an annual leave day at 28 weeks. Next appointment I need time off for is 32 weeks again a standard appointment

Totally unreasonable of them then!

Kaytee - it sounds a horrible situation & you really don't need this type of stress when pregnant. You haven't had that many appts at all. I don't know how they could cope with me. Because of health complications I have to see my consultant every other week, which takes up the whole morning. On top of that I have MW, blood pressure clinic and other appts for my health! I can often have three appts in one week. Next week I will have to take a day & a half out for appts. Their behaviour is not acceptable.i agree with the advice offered. You need to tackle it in a professional and factual way. Good luck & let us know how you get on.

Kaytee, I too am raging on your behalf!!

Lots of good advice given here. All you can do is inform your ignorant, rude and unprofessional colleagues of the facts, and your rights, and then try and rise above it. It sounds particularly galling for you though since you work so hard and have been so conscientious about not taking too much time off.

At least it's nearly the weekend now . Hope you are feeling better today. Maybe book yourself a nice relaxing massage or something to try and recover from the stress this has caused you.

Buon viaggio Cheery!

Bluebell, delighted to hear scan went well and you've been given the clear.

Beautician and Goingloopy and anyone else who chipped in, thanks for the lists and tips - so incredibly useful!

Going to the in-laws later for the weekend. Lots to do before we leave. Looking forward to having a relaxing couple of days.

Happy Friday everyone.