October baby bus take 4! 20wk scans and big pram buying plans!

[gaggiagirl]

Welcome all to the new Fred. FB group runs along side this pm me for details.

Fabulous news Ginger, what a relief!

thanks alot fab

Ive bought one or.two things myself, but my families have gone crazy! Its mostly useful things like packs of vests, muslin squares and other things ill use. If they knew the sex they would all be buying actual outfits! I'm so glad we didn't find out now!

Hi! I'm expecting baby no3 due in October - a little girl! Could I please join your fb group?.

Ooh I just bought something! Groupon deal for sleepyhead for 450 dirhams which is approx £75 - they are £99 on Amazon and usually 650+ dirhams here! Not often we get a bargain in this country!

Hi lovechoc and congrats! If you send a message to gaggiagirl (you should find her a few posts ago) then she can add you to the fb group

Hi,

Had my 20 week scan this morning, everything went well and all looking good. Baby measuring slightly bigger than liked, so i had to get tested for diabetes, which if i do have i should find out tonight. If they don't phone, then everything is ok, and it will either even itself out over the next 20 weeks, or i'll just have a big baby, lol. Amazing to see everything though :) So happy he/she is healthy, it's wee face already looks cute

Good stuff nutella, glad all seems ok (diabetes dependant! - although that is totally manageable).

nutella I am booked for a diabetes test next month. My understanding was that they don't test for it until 26 weeks as results can be innaccurate before then, but maybe it's a regional thing. My baby was the expected size at the 20 week scan but my previous baby was 10lb at birth and I have other signs that I may have had diabetes in my previous pregnancy so they have referred me for testing. Looking at the advice it is possible to control most gestational diabetes with diet so I'm hoping that all will be okay if the test shows me positive for diabetes.

I also have to have a diabetes test next month, this is my first baby but my blood glucose was a little high at first tests, my bmi is a little high as well so they want to be safe than sorry!

im having diabetes test next week! sounds like it is too early but i think theyre clutching at straws as to what may have caused the problems. the baby is measuring right as far as i know so hopefully nothing will come of it however i have high bmi too. hate lucozade original and blood tests so that will be fun!

had a meltdown today after a visit to dpils. first time weve seen them since amnio. dmil said can i ask you a serious question and will u give me an honest answer and asked if we'd really thought things through i understand her concern and wasnt massively offended but then dfil comes in and joins the convo and repeatedly points out how hard it is going to be and our son is going to be disabled and so on then asking what my parents thought of it.

i held it together whilst there but broke down the minute we left and dp had no idea why so seems ive taken it wrong. then a big argument blows up between us two.

i dont think i am being naieve but now theyve scared me into thinking maybe i am -eventhoughimsurethatwasnttheirintention--

Ah Ginger. I am sorry for you. I don't think you're being naive. You're being hopeful. Having been in a similar position to your PILs though, I can understand why they asked you. They're worried for you both, that's all. You know yourself that life will be more challenging with a disabled child. The important thing is that you are prepared for it. As long as you think you are, you'll be fine. Again, I'm going to sound cold now because I don't think that all a child needs is love and everything else will be fine. Because that's just not realistic. But as long as you are getting plans together for the challenges you'll have once baby is here, there's no reason why you shouldn't have your baby. Your dp might not understand how you feel and to be fair to him, he never will be able to because he's not carrying the baby. As long as you both are there for each other you'll be just fine. X

ginger your in laws were out of order. Of course you have considered the implications of having a child with a disability, I'm sure you have not considered anything else since the 20 week scan.
FWIW: my inlaws are just as bad. They cannot understand why I have not yet put my son in full time residential care due to his severe disabilities. The first thing my MIL said when she found out that I was pregnant was that we should put DS into residential care now we have another baby on the way. Firstly: I didn't ask for her opinion and secondly; she hasn't given us even 5 minutes of help with my children since the day they were born so whatever she thinks is of zero importance.
Please just ignore the inlaws and do what is right for you. You are bubbas parents and only your opinion matters. You clearly already love your child and will ensure he has a fulfilling good life.

Hi all
I had my 20 wk scan this morning and all is well. We have the wriggliest little baby though! In some ways was good because we got to see much more of little Bubba because the sonographer needs certain angles of the heart. I did wonder if there was something wrong as she kept saying she just needed to get another look at the heart. Still don't know what we are having which is great.

Ginger, congrats on your results. I guess your inlaws are just worried for you. It will make a difference but then having a baby will anyway. I actually talked about you to my mum today, she used to be a paediatric Physio and dealt with all sorts of children's disabilities. She said you'd be amazed at how adaptable children are. Her only advice was to research into prosthetics (if that's what it'll need) and get the best one you can. She said it's incredible what they have nowadays that will enable your child to live a pretty much normal life.

sparkles thats so kind of you thank you so much. i will keep that in mind. glad your scan went well bet it was great getting all the different views!

i dont think pil's were being malicious as such i think as people have said they are worried and maybe they wanted us to realise we have options. i dont actually think they know what the other option involves tbh which is probably what annoyed me most. i just felt insulted that they feel we havent thought about it. in all honesty i dont know how much my dp has but for me ive spent every single day on the internet researching as much as i can.

i may come across naieve here but when my baby comes from what we know so far yes his feet will be in an odd position and yes he is going to have a bad leg visibly. but that is all he will have. he will be a normal baby and apart frm the leg and feet will look like a normal baby. from the information i have gathered so far they wont deal with the leg until hes a little older so although i know he wont become mobile as quick as other children the hard part shouldnt start for a while and i will get to enjoy all the baby stages like everyone else.

i know the clubfoot will be dealt with straight away but legs in casts? yes it will be hard and yes it may cause my son some frustration but it lasts for around 6 weeks. its not the end of the world. one day my son appearance wise and in every other way will be like every other child just we will have a longer and tougher road getting there.

sorry that is a rant and a half but do i sound like i havent thought about it? grrr im still a bit mad and upset!

Oh Ginger I'm so sorry your in laws have said this to you.

I think they are just looking out for you but the way they said it sounded really judgy and mean. I don't think you come across as naive on here at all fwiw. just try and ignore them for a bit if it stresses you out to see them too.

sparkles that's great news about the scan, ours was very similar, took her ages to get a proper look at the heart and she was quiet for a long time, it made me very nervous!

Aww ginger like others have said I guess they are just worried for you but they could have worded it better, as if you wouldn't have thought things through, there must be nothing else on your mind - in fact not even because of the disability - there is usually nothing else on my mind other than my baby/pregnancy either! Totally understandable being upset though. But you are his parents and as you have said yourself the problems will be with his legs/feet only which does not mean his quality of life will be any worse than anyone else's - yes as you have mentioned there will be frustrations sometimes with treatment but I am sure that your little boy will have a life as good as any other child and he is very lucky to have you as parents as you are clearly ready to take on the extra challenge. I am sure it will be very rewarding as you see your son achieve everything that any other child does. I don't want to defend the fact that they have upset you as it is hard enough that you are dealing with this in the first place and I can't claim to have any idea what you are going through - but I guess they are the grandparents and dealing with it from their side also and maybe they just expressed their thoughts in the wrong way.

Anyway I'll stop writing my essay now but I think you're doing amazing, so positive and strong - and you and your boy will be absolutely fine xx

i know i agree i dont think they meant to be awful i just wish they had thought about how they were putting it across to us. i do feel a bit more positive about it today.

thank you so much for your kind replies and helping me see sense.

ha yes it is always baby baby baby on my brain too

I hadn't actually noticed it until a friend who had a baby recently said to me don't you find that it is all you can think about. And I thought actually yes it is pretty much always on my mind whether active thoughts or in the background!

oh gosh i never stop. always thinking what we will buy, what i like and so on and so on. they call it baby brain as if we just go daft when pregnant but i dont think its that, think its just a case that our brain is taken over by other things

Vaguely related story time: In the dim and distant past I used to work at a residential kids adventure centre. Kids would come for a few days to several weeks, on their own or with schools. Their parents would fill in a medical form mentioning if they had any problems, allergies etc. One day the group I was looking after was scheduled to do one of the zip lines we had on centre that ran over the lake. Had a quick check of their health forms - no counter indications - we were good to go. One lively little lad gets all strapped in, leaps off full of enthusiasm only for his leg to fall off into the lake and sink. The shocked reaction of the staff was not echoed by the other kids in his class who all thought it was hilarious and cheerfully filled us in that yes, he had a false leg and he'd always had one. This kid was so at ease with his prosthetic none of us had noticed he even had one, and his parents had completely forgotten to tell us he had a prosthetic leg, just because it now caused him so few problems.

Anyway, moral of the story, kids are amazingly adaptable. However please have a thought for the poor soul that has to go prosthetic leg diving in a bloody cold lake should you ever be in a similar situation!

Ha Stainless I like that story.
My cousin had a club foot, and several reversal operations as he got older, and spent a bit of time in a wheelchair, which he used to run a mini tuck shop off the back of, and supply the other kids at school- because sweets were banned! he's such an entrepreneur and a real character! Kids just totally get on with it!

stainless that is absolutely hilarious!!! cheered me up when ive been having a wobble today. they are very adaptable arent they. i think im over thinking things.

hope the water werent too cold

thank you for sharning these stories they are very welcome and making me feel much better!

Hi Ginger,

I stand by that love is the most important thing you need to make a good family. As a child brought up in a very abusive household who was seriously deprived of love, affection and attention, I think I could have handled things a lot better if I had received this basic human need. You can live without a leg, take away the heart and you have nothing.

I'm sure your pil didn't mean it how it came across and are just looking out for you but I think you will be totally ace and it's not the end of the world as you say. I wanted to put my 5 pence in as I'm not saying "all you need is love" because I'm soppy or idealistic but because on the whole - it's the most important thing (something many people take for granted) and you seem to have it in abundance x

Hi everyone! I've just discovered this thread, can I check in? I'm due on the 6th October... Feeling particularly fat and lumbering today in the scorching heat! Hope you all are keeping well!

Hi BlackBetty,

Welcome to the bus and congrats! :-)