October baby bus take 4! 20wk scans and big pram buying plans!

[gaggiagirl]

Welcome all to the new Fred. FB group runs along side this pm me for details.

Ginger you seem so grounded and positive, hang in there and good luck with the amnio results. As you say most of the abnormalities will be corrected anyway, you just need to stay strong and hope for the best. As everyone had said please continue to share your journey with us, we are all here to support each other.
Ladypug you probably have anterior placenta so don't worry yourself without feeling movement, mine also came late at around 19/20 and they were never definite until after 20weeks.

Hi all,

Thanks for support messages. Today went well, baby is fine, very active! Midwife surprised I haven't felt as such a mover but said it will happen soon. Turns out I have anterior placenta too. It's probably a blessing I can't feel it as it didn't stop squirming! I asked not to find out the sex but she accidentally said 'he' a few times - do you think this means it's a boy or just being generic? I like not knowing so hope it's just generic! Keep us posted on your situation ginger x

thank you. i dont know about calm and grounded. have had some horrible thoughts today wondering if were cruel and selfish going through with it, if we'll cope, seen my dnieces tonite who i love to pieces but just brought it home our baby wont be like them as such. feeling guilty too. probs for wondering and guilty incase its something ive done theworstivedoneinthispregnancyisafewcansofcokeandlucozade

so glad ur scan went well crazy as cool said the placenta will explain the lack of feeling. i dont know about the he thing, i remember at my 9wk scan the sonographer kept saying he all the time and unless they just know by shapes she couldnt have known that then if you see what i mean?!

It's not cruel and selfish neccesarily Ginger. You just have to think practically and logistically as well as emotionally. Easier said than done, I know but I think it helps. You seem to be doing that already though, so good on you.

PS - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! So don't think like that.

ladypug so happy your scan went well

ginger like stinkersmum said it is absolutely nothing you have done wrong, these things just happen sometimes, it is pure chance. You are not being cruel - you will find out more and can make an informed decision but if your baby is not physically perfect then it doesn't necessarily mean that they will suffer or not have a quality of life equal to anyone else. And they will definitely still be perfect to you. Whatever decision you end up making will be the right one based on the facts you have and you shouldn't feel bad about whatever that decision is.

i know. i guess we need time to think and experts to talk to to find out what it will mean for our son. thanks stinkers.

and batfish.

Exactly. If there's anything I can do to help at all, please just ask. Not sure what there is, but the offer is there.

thank you stinkers i appreciate that soo much!

ginger I haven't been on here for a few days and have just seen your scan news. Please share with us on here if you want to. I'm glad to see that you are being positive.
I have a DC with a severe disability and for many years I kept asking myself of it was the result of something I did during pregnancy and I tortured myself with guilt. The reality is that his disability is just one of those things but we still love him as much as our other son and he brings us much joy and happiness (as well as much worry and exhaustion). We didn't know until after his birth that the disabilities existed (not ones that can be identified by scan) but we don't regret having him and we would have kept him regardless. We also wouldn't frown upon anybody who knew about disabilities during the pregnancy and decided not to continue. It has to be a personal decision.
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything goes well at the next checks and that you get some positive news. I am also sending a very unmumsnet ((((hug))) over to you .

thankyou super. in a way i feel fortunate that we know now and in a way i guess we are lucky it is just a physical thing. realistically once all the ops are over with our son would be an amputee.

we want to continue with the pregnancy but thats where i dont know if we are being selfish. we already love our son so much and for him not to be here would be the worst possible outcome for us but i know its not all about us.

i kp trying to wonder how i would feel as an amputee which i know sounds ridiculous but would i wonder why me etc or would i just get on with life?

super you sound like a brilliant parent and like your children are completely loved. thank you for sharing your story ot means a lot

I'm in!

ginger I don't think you would be selfish at all to continue. Many amputees live very fulfilling lives. A missing limb is not necessarily a huge barrier given all of the modern equipment that we now have available. Many amputees live completely fulfilling lives.
I think the hardest part is the medical treatment that will be required but medical treatment is very sophiscated and treatment doesn't last forever. You are right that it isn't just about you but I'm sure very many amputees don't feel that a missing limb is a big of a deal as other people assume it to be.
Have the hospital provided details of any parent support groups (for parents whose children have been born with similar conditions)? If the further tests do confirm that your son is likely to need an amputation after his birth and you decided to continue with the pregnancy then ask the hospital if they have any information about relevant support groups. It can really help to speak to parents who have been through a similar situation as they will be able to tell you what to expect and give information about practical stuff.

Please don't feel selfish though whatever decision you make x

theyre already sure he would need an amputation. that is the least we are dealing with at this stage.

thanks stinkers they are all the things i need to hear. the hospital havent given any info yet i guess theyre waiting until tuesday or when results are back. i have found steps charity online and contacted them just waiting to hopefully hear back.

thanks a lot.

Hi Ginger,

I have no idea what you must be going through but for what it's worth, I don't think you're being selfish. I know it's such a cliche to say all a child needs is love but I believe that's the most important thing and you have that in abundance

thanks lady all this is helping.

Has anyone else had terrible 'baby brain'?! I posted on here a couple of days ago, super excited I was going to be 18 weeks, realised I'm going to be 20! Lordy.

No baby brain here thank god as I have accountancy exams this week! I do sometimes forget how many weeks I am though but I also have to calculate sometimes when someone asks me my age and that's been going on for a couple of years so I can't blame it on baby

gingerbread like you were saying on another thread....look at the Paralympians. They rock! Lots of love to you all.

thanks gaggia. just need to get the amnio over with and the results back so we know where we stand. ive done a lot of internet research and it sounds very likely to me that it is something called PFFD which fortunately is not genetic and obv no links to any of the trisomies which is the best possible outcome for us.

going to be a tough road. we live in a small town where everyone knows everyones business and no doubt this will be the talk of town for a lonnnggg time. its not that im ashamed or anything like that the more knowledge people have the better but its certainly something i will need to get used to. will also get people wondering why too i guess and pointing fingers. its that that bothers me most but these r small hurdles to overcome opposed to what our son will have to so i need to start being brave

ginger living in a small town might be an advantage, everyone will know and understand about your son and will be more likely to help rather than point and stare. We moved from a big city to a smaller town and we are much more comfortable where we now live. The neighbours all know that our son has a significant disability but they just treat him the same as our other son.
It is hard dealing with questions about the disability in the early days when you are still coming to terms with it yourself but as time progresses you will become more comfortable with talking about it. I had to develop the skin of a rhino in the early days but now people can't shut me up talking about my sons. I am so proud of both of them and the one who has disabilities has overcome so much that I often can't stop talking about him.

thanks super those are really kind words and make complete sense. i am sure i will end up the same. ive been round town today with my dm and getting tummy pats left right and centre and even now im a bit stuck for words but i think thats because we dont know much yet.

its the limbo of knowing whether we will be able to continue or not. i just said its a boy and left it at that. i think thats the right thing to do for now.

You are better off in a small town. Very much so. Your boy will be practically famous! Living in a small town myself in the same sort of area as you I just know he will be adored locally. My DD is the only ginger in town she's much admired.

haha gaggia how lovely!

thank you!

our son is likely to be ginger too if he takes after his dad