Due March 2007 - Heading for the third trimester

[Booboobedoo]

Thought I'd start a new thread as the other one's about to run out.

hiya rainbow, sorry to hear life is low right now, I wish I knew all the right things to say but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending you a cyber hug. make sure you keep on taking care of yourself and get a bit of 'you' time. do you get much support from other people in rl? family/gp/hv/surestart etc? I hope other people are looking out for you. keep on posting!

Oh poor you rainbowgirl. That's awful behaviour from your doula. It's not acceptable. Can you find one whom you can trust? Sending you big hugs. Don't worry about how things might or might not turn out ina near future. Take each day as it comes, get through it and give yourself a hug for doing so. We're always here for you and don't worry about bringing people down, you won't, honestly

thanks morocco & kitty, i just feel so low, don't want to take ADs so half the time am not taking them for fear of what they might do to the baby, the other half of the time worrying about what NOT taking them is doing to my head!! i had an email from dp saying could i recommend any websites about babies and childcare ? i mean what on earth do i say??

Rainbow Hi - its nice to see you again on here. I guess its back to square one with the Doula, I need one too and haven't even contacted any yet, so don't despair - you'll find a lovely Doula. Its just really bad luck that you got an unreliable one first time round.

Regarding the monitor, I had to be monitored with my second birh (DD) as my waters had broken and no child appeared, so West Mid insisted on inducing me. I was so apprehensice on the day. I didn't want to leave DS with his Grandad (my Dad is liable to hit DS so I was extremely worried but had no option, as it was July and all my friends were on Hols)). I was so stressed I also decided I was going to die in some horrible clinical intervention , as I really wanted another natural birth.

In the end I just said "OK if your going to induce me and wire me up, then I want all the drugs I can get". 4 hours and an epidural later I was holding DD, having had a wonderful painless birth. I would never have had an epi if they hadn't insisted on monitoring the induction, but it was fine (much easier than 1st birth).

Why don't you have another talk with the MW about your options? Maybe try and persuade them to lay off on the monitoring front, or think of some strategies for dealing with the monitor. When you find your Doula, I'm sure she will help too and have some good ideas.

Regarding your DP, its a shame they don't have a Dadsnet isn't it? He's obviously thinking a lot about becoming a Dad, which is positive. At least he's not in denial. Have you still got your other thread going? (I'll have a search for it). I think he's clouding your thoughts though - you seemed to be feeling a lot more positive when his e-mails weren't getting inside your head.

Morocco - I just want to say that one of my biggest fears is the buggy breaking miles from home, in the rain, with young children to transport back. Must have been a pain. I don't think 18K is that huge though. You could start a thread to find out which makes are the most durable? I've had a Chicco buggy for 6 years, and had up to three children balancing on it at any one time (Including my 6 year old). Its incredibly tough, albeit not one of the trendy ones. Our childminder says its the best buggy she's every used. In contrast, we had a MacLaren which fell apart after about 6 months with one baby in it .

Hi Kitty - have found a MNer who is going to copy your fab DVD, so I will send a copy to Rosy in about a week and a half. There is a chance my west London group may view it when they pop round next week, so hope you don't mind

Hi, foxy, no I don't mind them seeing it atall,seeing as it's already been played to the nation, it's there to be seen,.

One of the reasons for doing it in the first place was to show women that birth could be calm and simple and with non/minimal intervention. Obviously I didn't know the outcome before labour started but I was pretty sure it would be ok.
Women are bombarded with so many scary birth images I think they should be shown that most of the time it's fine. Obviously "fine" doesn't make for such an exciting story, but there you go.
i remember asking the camera person why she had made narrative comments such as the midwives were worried about all the continous pain I was in and I might have to go to hospital etc. She said 'cos it makes things sound more exciting. It wasn't true that those things were going to happen and that did pee me off a bit.

What are you going to do today? It's a but miserable here weather wise

KittyChristmas - that's quite funny about the Narrator isn't it?

I went to see my Italian friend last night, whose been TCC for 6 years and baby's due the same day as mine. I was telling her about your DVD and she started saying "you're not thinking of having a home birth are you? Its really dangerous blah blah"

When we last met, I tried to explain to her why I much preferred midwife led maternity units than consultant led and she didn't get it at all. I think she views any medical intervention as a privilage, whereas I see it as a potential interference, usually with scare mongering and guilt tripping attached.

I do hope my placenta previa moves out of the way, so I don't have to have a C section!!! LOL

Have been on MN since 7am and just posted an emotional thread on "Grief after scan".

Its a bit rainy here too. DH works on Saturday so I often do feck all.

In my head, I am going to go Christmas shopping but in reality, that will probably turn into internet shopping. I got paid yesterday so have no excuse not to start Christmas shopping now.

DS has a party 1-3pm, which he's already geared up and ready to go to! He's sored out what he's wearing and which Dr Who cards he is taking

DD has dressed up in DS's school uniform, which looks hilarious

What have you got planned? (sorry to go on so much BTW)

You're not going on it's good to chat
I don't think we've much planned. Dp's collecting the boys from their gym class at the mo. I was thinking of getting bus into town later it depends on how many children I can convince to stay at home
We are usually so tired from the week's chaos that it takes us all weekend to recover. Ds1 was supposed to be going to a laser quest party tomorrow but he's fallen out with the child in question so we've decided it's best not to go. He doesn't care that much about the falling out it's missing a laser opportunity that's getting him
I wish my life wasn't so frantic. I wish I could hit a pause button, don't you? Just to get a litle time to catch my breath would be nice.

Everytime I feel crap though I think of my friend and her terrible situation. I'm not sure how it will be best to play things. I remember when I'd had miscarriages that I got really upset seeing preg women. At some point I'll try and speak to her. Ithink they have more scan next week so maybe the news will change. I hope to God it does.

I'm beginning to feel quite excited about meeting this little chap. I think him being a boy helps because it's a change for me. I would have been very happy with another girl though as I love my girls (at the mo, ask me again when they hit puberty ). I adore newborns and their lovely smell and the little snuffly, grunty noises they make. It feels strange now when Clara grows out of stuff as I know I am putting it away for the last time. Best go boys are home x

Morning all,

My bezzie mate came round last night, it was supposed to be a nice quiet evening with a brew and a few mince pies. She brought her dp, and he and dh stayed up all night watching the cricket with the help of stimulants slightly stronger than caffeine. I think one of them's been sick in the bath and not properly cleaned it up - yuck! I hope dh doesn't think I'm cleaning it up .

Morocco, I do indeed plan to join the army of public sector workers who get a pension and get to take their holiday entitlement: I'm going to try and get a part-time job in my local council after my mat leave ends! Just wish I'd done it years ago like dh!

Oh rainbowgirl you poor thing it does sound like your dp is messing with your head, one minute he's disappearing off and the next he's sending you emails asking about child care books. Still as fox says I suppose at least it means he isn't in denial. Are his rellies still being crap? Good luck with finding a doula who is reliable, I'm sure that one was just a one off.

I think I'm meant to be going to B&Q today with mil, not sure. Still got to walk the dogs yet. I'm trying to decide whether to leave the house in the tip its in, so that dh tidies it when he gets up (it is mostly his mess) or to take pity on him in his totally f*cked state and do it for him. His bezzie's supposed to be coming over today and they're meant to be doing DIY not sure he's really up to that!

Rainbowgirl, it won't always be like this, I hope your dp gradually comes back on board as that is what you want.

I think there is a fear of the loss of control with labour. I find that it helps to accept that I'm going to lose control at some point in labour and to just go with it.
Being able to trust the people around you is key for that though. Getting a nice doula seems a jolly good idea for some folks. I am happy enough with the mw's. If dh isn't around which might happen, I have a fantastic sister nearby to call.
Must check your thread fox.

24 wks 6 (boy)

Foxy - when are you getting scanned next to check on your placenta position? I think I'm being scanned mid Jan - really hope mine has moved, especially as it's anterior as well and if I need a c-section then it gets more complicated.

Rainbow - never mind recommending baby websites to your dp - try recommending him some websites about how to treat pregnant women with respect and stop messing with their heads (that's at him not you!!!) Please don't feel bad about the ADs - you have a need of them at the moment and you'd be amazed at how many pregnant women take them... I believe depression in pregnancy is at least as common as pnd.

Kitty - I'm so with you on the inability to pick things up off the floor . Luckily I am still able to reach up to the ceiling to grab any passing helium balloons still - you never know when I might need to stamp on some

26 weeks (boy)

hi rainbow girl- thinking of you. i was given some good advice on here recently- (dog saga, and no, no one has called me to see how I am-) which was to think of me and the baby first and what suits us, in my case it was trying to forget and not apologise for being upset that the dogs came first, and eat chocolate. superficial perhaps, but as with lots of things you can't control, but you can become a comfy bystander.

Oh, and welcome Jem

Oh, and finally have a christmas name

KittyChristmas - Did you get into Town? I had plans to go to a massive Tescos, but the Rugby was on in Twickers and the shop has to close on Rugby days. So went to M&S instead and spent too much money. They have a brilliant farmer's Market in Richmond but its impossible to park, which makes it all a bit awkward

Your poor friend. Its very difficult knowing what to say really, as she must be feeling so awful. Does she have other children?

I'm very tired at the weekend too, which is the real reason I do feck all. I used to see my girlfriends when DH worked on Saturdays, but I think "pressing the pause button" for me has been putting my social life on "pause" for a while.

I have my bookclub tomorrow and am hosting it. I bought a pre-cooked chicken in M&S, as I feel too tired to co-ordinate a roast . I'll just roast the veggies.

That laser party sounds pretty cool actually!

Mossletoe - oooh yes, I recommend the public sector. A bit less dosh, but loads of holidays, flexi hours, good maternity pay etc and lots of staff so you don't feel too exposed The men have to behave in a very way PC as well - whether they like it or not LOL!

Rosy Hi - that wasn't my thread actually, it was snipersmum's, but am glad she opened the subject up.

Muppet - your name is hilarious!!! I wish I'd changed mine to "fox in a manger" My scan is at 36 weeks: 29 January. Lets hope our placentas move eh?

Sponge - I really like your concept of being a comfy bystander. I must remember that next time I feel all emotional and involved. Its a very philospohical approach and much better for the mental health.

foxy - I know that Tesco's from the days when I did a stint working at Twickenham, behind the scenes at the Rugby world cup.

All this talk of jobs where you are actually able to take your holiday, or only work your nominal hours is making me . I've got 18 days left for this year, but won't be allowed to book it as we're too busy. As we're only allowed to carry forwards 5, it looks like I might lose the rest unless I can persuade them into either buying it off me (unlikely if they think they can just have it for free anyway), or get them to let me book it as holiday, but agree to work and claim it back as hours (which we can carry forwards).

Lunar - that must be so annoying . When are you planning to start your maternity leave?

The Tescos doubles in size about 2 years ago and now sells everything from fridges to shoes! Everyone slags Tescos off, but I just find it so much better value than most of the other supermarkets. We have all these dinky organic etc shops round here but they're hideously expensive to shop in for food.

ps thanks again for the Cybermask

Foxy - what book are you reading for your bookclub? I am an avid reader but never quite can bring myself to join a club although many of my friends belong to them... always reminds me of English Lit lessons too much - as soon as I have to discuss a book I don't want to read it!

My hospital must be scanning earlier to check the placenta then as I'll only be 32 weeks. Let's hope my placenta is faster than yours!!!

Lunar - the old chestnut of only being able to carry a certain number of days holiday across to the next year - funny how there is no limit to the number of days you can work in a row without a holiday...

26 weeks (boy)

Foxy - according to work I can start it on the
1st April - that's 9 days after due date! Somehow think they might have to revise their opinions on that one.

With ds I worked up to 2 weeks before he was due, and now I'm working from home and theoretically not travelling so much as I was then I may well keep doing at least some right up until fairly close.

LunarSea, I know what you mean, last year I had ten hols left out of twenty and we're not allowed to carry any over! I managed to sneak four in, odd Fridays here and there, but still lost six, and they don't pay you for them or anything. This year, I made it my new year's resolution to take all my holidays and have just about managed to do it.

What do you work as, btw?

Foxy, yes do tell, what books are you reading in your club? I was in a club v briefly, but gave it up due to work. Awayinamuppet it was just like English Lit, but I did that as part of my degree & loved it so would prolly quite like a book club, I think.

Funny how everyone has their own fave supermarket, our Tesco is well expensive compared to the Asda, so we tend to go there; they even do organic stuff and dh is a big food person so he likes that.

Dh and his bezzie did manage to get most of the DIY done, they are making an alcove in the spare room into a huge wardrobe as it'll be the nursery, and making a unit for the tumble dryer to go underneath with the top as a baby changing thingy. He still hasn't cleaned the sick from the bath though - I'm refusing ! But we'll see if it happens

Ooops I keep thinking I'm 26 weeks - only 25!

Foxy i did brave town with nos 1 and 3. They are lightweights thought and got tired after a couple of hours
I must say it was extraordinarily busy, heaving infact. The problem I found was with hoards of teenagers milling around and getting in everyone's way. Did get a couple of things though

For all those of you who are talking about work related matters, sorry I don't join in but I haven't been in paid employment since ds1 arrived so I can't really contibute.

I used to lovbe rerading but just got so tired after no 4 arrived that that has gone out of the window. I'm impressed foxy that you host all these things and go out. You seem to have a pretty good social lihe to me

Mossletoe - I'm in IT, a mix of consultancy and project management with with more techy stuff I won't bore you with!

Kittychristmas - I don't go out anymore, it just seems like such hard work (. I've got the bookclub tomorrow, then I've got this "book swappie" next Saturday which I've persuaded about 4 of my local MNers to do. We're all going to bring along our favoutite reads and just swap them - we'll all save some money and discover some new authors hopefully. Someone is bring along some "southern gothic" whatever that is LOL!!

Reading is my only vice apart from MN Our book club meets 6 weekly and mine was the last choice (I'd do a link if I was clever - but I'm not, so I won't)"State of the Union" (Douglas Kennedy):

for Muppet: The daughter of a famous 1960's radical settles down to a very conventional life married to a doctor in a small town, to the disappointment of her radical parents. But then she makes a terrible mistake, which will come back to tear her life apart....

BTW we spend about 10 minutes talking about the book and about 4 hours drinking/eating, gossping, moaning and being raucous [winks], someimes we forget to even discuss the book.

Lunar - I'm going to stop work at half term (16 Feb here)and will either take a week's leave before that (three weeks before EDD) or hang in there and sell the leave back to them - we are allowed to sell up to 5 days. Can you not attach your leave to your maternity,so at least you get 18 days rest? You're very lucky to be working from home.

Mosseltoe - I used to shop in Asda and agree its brilliant value. Trouble is I don't "do" shopping anymore as its such a nightmare with the two little monsters, so I do our big monthly shop on he inernet and Asda's delivery service is absolutely shocking!

I had a glass of Chardonney and am feeling a wee bit tipsy. Am hoping white won't give me the horrible Acne Roseacia like red wine does.

ps I was gonna say that MN and reading feel like the only "me" time I get at the moment. Anyone else feel like that?

I wonder how Diva and Piffle are?

Yeah, I feel like that except the only reading my child addled braini
can cope with is heat magazine, actually I prefer the pictures Right off to watch pop idol or x factor whatever it's called and have a lovely glass of red