July '15 - starting our 2nd trimester

[StoneBaby]

Please come and join

Just come out of a meeting with bosses boss (the one who made me cry before Xmas) she has been so unbelievably rude and horrible about my pregnancy, I am seething! She told me I am very very young to be having a baby and why did I decide now (?!!!!) and was I going to come back to work, I said yes, so she said oh you will be a working mum then (as if it's a bad thing) and that childcare is very expensive and how will I afford it (she knows my salary but she doesn't know DHs or what our savings are it's none of her f*ing business) and she aske what my plans were so I said I wanted to go off in June for 9-10months and take my annual leave otherwise I will lose it she said I need to think from employer point of view and not just take what I am entitled to as it is v expensive for the organisation she isn't even my line manager! And she only works 2 days a week ! I am so mad. I had to leave the office after the mtg to stop myself from crying. She started convo with 'I am not talking to you as your employer' little disclaimer cos she knew what she saying against equality laws. And she has kids of her own! It was like she what's me to work right until I drop then resign and never come back. What a way to boost morale in an employee that is a) pregnant b) stressed and c) already have a shaky relationship with. I am so upset :( my boss is on leave til next week but I am going to tell her about this it is unacceptable to ask such personal questions. Yes I am married. Yes I have a mortgage. Yes I have savings. Yes I am 24. Yes we can does childcare. Wtf is it to her.

Sorry for rant I needed to vent!!!

Am I terrible? I really won't be doing any ante-natal / parenting classes.

It's not that I think I know it all, I defo don't, but it's just not for me.

I am quite happy just sharing thoughts and experiences with you ladies, I am not having a natural birth (again) and I am expecting DC3.

I have heard they are excellent for others, but I tried it first time round and it just wasn't for me.

I know it's a good time to meet people etc, but truth be told I will be on maternity leave for such a short amount of time I won't even have time to do it, plus OH (teacher) will be off the same time as me so we will do stuff together.

Do I sound like a miserable old woman?

That is awful WantTo. Is your line manager supportive? If so I would tell him/her what their boss has said. If not I would have a chat with HR. They cannot put pressure on you like that and try and keep out of trouble by cloaking it's off the record!

Claiming, not cloaking! Need to proof read posts.

gotto line manager is supportive so don't worry I will tell her. The policy even states line managers are to encourage employees to take all outstanding annual leave! It is ridiculous I didn't think people could be so mean :( she is a woman too, and has grown up kids, would have thought she might be slightly understanding?!

Want

She sounds like a right treat fucking horrible cow
Defo speak to your manager when you are back from annual leave, and until then refuse to speak to this woman.

I would make very clear that you know your rights and she is well out of order for even suggesting any of that shit.

24 is not that young! I was 21 when I had my first DC, my employer was fine.

She is very unprofessional and bang out of order!

That's shocking wantto! I can't believe she has said that! And why on earth should you be thinking about it from an employers point of view, that's for them to sort out not you. When I told my Director (my bosses boss) the only thing he said (and should have said) was congratulations! And he part owns the company so it has a direct impact on his pocket!

Want
Thats awful. Its not like you can change most of that now anyway.
Take all leave you are entitled to.
Its not that expensive to most companies- i think they may claim the statutory back from gov.
It is expensive for childcare- most people from my antenatal group had relatives do a few /a day a week. I only realised after when looking at nurseries i wouldnt have a choice about returning if id had twins. Its almost cheaper if you earn less as then you get - is it working tax credit or something with up to 70% of childcare.
I found my bosses uselessness while i was on maternity leave, very annoying.
He took weeks to sign off mat leave request. Then wouldnt sort my request for reduced hours on return till about 2 months before. Even then i guess it shows what they think of people wanting to reduce hrs etc as he had moved me to a different team (without asking me or telling me). Just very poor at the management and hr side of his role as it just wasnt a priority.

Omg! What an absolute twat! Furious on your behalf want! That's unbelievable treatment of an employee - direct report or not! You work in the nhs don't you? I'd have thought her ridiculous, outdated and selfish attitude would be very much frowned upon. I personally would go straight to hr and make a complaint. The fact she prefaced everything with "I'm not talking as an employer" simply does not cut it as an excuse. Full of shit. Jeez, I'm so fed up with fucking nosy bastard jobsworths

Childcare is expensive yes, but it's only for the first couple of years, then you can get free places and at 4 your child will be at school and you will only pay for breakfast / after school club.

I've had 2 children who both had childminders from just months old costing £800+ per month, we worked it out and coped ok.

My nursery for this baby is going to be just under £1k a month, me and OH will both be getting childcare vouchers from our employers (I urge anyone not entitled to tax credits to get these! ANYONE can get them from this year, whether your employer does them or not)
I think they will save us about £200 a month.

It is always possible, even if you do a combination of part time / getting grandparents to help out, whatever. There are always options and frankly it's none of her fucking business how you manage your options.

Oh and on the childcare costs - a) if you're based in a hospital, is there an on site nursery? b) if so, most will allow you to salary sacrifice to pay your fees, cutting out tax and ni c) most if not all nhs trusts operate a childcare voucher scheme which will save on tax and ni. So fuck off witch boss!!

What disgusting treatment, want. I'm appalled. And understand why you were worried about talking to her. I agree with broody that I'd report her to HR if I were you. She shouldn't be handling that kind of conversation with anyone, if that's her approach - you might save someone else going through that. Nothing she said was any of her business!

Definitely report her Want, that is really disgusting and really illegal behaviour. I am always amazed when people think they can act like that and doubly so when they are parents themselves that work 2 days a week!

Another day of sickness, exhaustion and nausea here today, every day is pretty much like that and am still really struggling to eat. I am living largely on a diet of soup, cheese sandwiches and jacket potatoes and I am bored!!

I am also a bit worried about lack of movement. I am sure I felt things for a few days and now nothing for a couple of weeks. Not even a hint.

Thinking of you tomorrow Broody, hope everything goes ok.

I'm going to ask to see the director who oversees hr tomorrow. I work with her so she knows me and the person in question and she works closely with my boss too. Seein as boss on leave... It is ridiculous I can't believe she said all that stuff well really not that surprising cos it's her

want that is totally ridiculous and it sounds like it has absolutely nothing to do with her anyway. I would be totally fuming. Have you thought about writing it down whilst it's still fresh in your head if your boss isn't back until next week (although I'm sure you're not going to forget this in a hurry)!

want I would make an official complaint, even if she told you it was a 'casual chat' she was bang out of order.

I'm not aiming to do any of the ante natal classes this time around number3 and no this doesn't make you a bad mother /mother-to-be

Childcare over here is expensive around £1,000+ for a full time position and we don't have any free childcare but most people have one child or even more and while some mums give up working after number 2, most of them are working mothers.

Want - I was advised (when I was worried boss may not react exactly as she should!) to document everything (exactly what was said, time and date etc) then if you need it in the future it's there. If you do document it all, I'd add that she made you cry before Christmas and anything else she's done. It's definitely not ok for her to say those things!

Good advice for Ceejay. I got issue with a colleague and everytime we're by ourselves in the office I record everything she says to me.

Thanks all, encouraging to know I wasn't being completely irrational! Director says I can see her so will ask PA if she can fit me in for 5/10mins tomorrow.

ceejay thanks I have written it all down lest I forget. Am aware that it partly my spin on how she said things etc but she shouldn't have said any of it! Am sure the director will agree with me as she is all for equal rights and flexible working etc

Want that is terrible. How dare she speak to you like that, I would be livid! Hope everyone's ok today and scans went ok xxx

Glad you have a meeting with the director tomorrow want

I won't be doing any antenatal this time either I was looking at the nct group for 2nd babies but only one lot of dates available that are just too soon. And it includes two full mornings which I would not feel comfortable taking off.

Thanks purple. If I get called into the same room as before, after I'd just passed baby, I will be even more of a blubbering wreck than I will be already. Intend to take sunbathing's advice and tell sonographer as soon as I get in about my anxiety so fx s/he will deliver the verdict promptly. Appt is at 1030 so I'm hoping they won't be running too behind schedule (although having gone through the shizzle that makes them run behind schedule, I defo won't be angry!) DD is off to grandma and grandad's for a few hours under the pretence we have to shop for paint, lights and flooring for our new kitchen and dining room (which actually is true but not what we are doing in the morning obvs!) Feels so naughty, all this fibbing!

want, really pleased you're taking action. Defo not pg hormones causing your hurt and anger - she is a shit boss. End of.

number, I'm not planning on doing any antenatal classes this time round either so if that means you're a bad parent, well, I'll join you There's tons of classes to do when baby is here (love baby sensory!!) so I shall meet new people there instead of beforehand.

Want, just echoing what Ceejay and others said but do write it down and if you feel able to, send a copy to your HR contact. Whilst there may be no need to raise a grievance at this point, this record could be vital if you are discriminated against and need to pursue it further. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow.

Hi All,

This thread moves fast. I have just spent the last hour catching up, who knew so much could happen in 3 days!

This is my first post on the new thread, 14+2, thought the ms was over until I had an unpleasant surprise this lunch time, needless to say I got to say hello to everything I ate this morning! How does it do that? Come from out of nowhere?? I too have headaches, and the rather glamorous condition of ptyalism. The spitting comes and goes from day to day but it is seriously gross.

Want go kick some management butt, seriously if women can't support one another, what is the world coming to??