Old bird graduates, gather round....let's talk chicklets!

[Gingerbreadlady1]

For the old bird thread graduates and any other slightly older mums to be, please join us. We're a friendly bunch.

inshock, what a lot of stress, but I am so pleased for you that things are looking good and normal.

I will definitely ask my mw when I next see her re this over 40yo not allowed to go over 40w business!

Vaginal re CS, I am definitely a hippy-leaning all-natural type, BUT, whatever needs doing to get our babies out safe and well and mamas feeling well, is the main thing. I read something about vaginal being better for the baby's immune systems, as well as being better for establishing BFing. This is absolutely not designed to have mothers beat themselves up if they have had or will have a CS, but I found it an interesting read: www.wired.com/2014/04/missing-microbes-antibiotic-resistance-birth/.

I am aiming for a homebirth, all being well. I had one with DS.

I read the hypnobirthing book and listened to the CD (www.amazon.co.uk/Hypnobirthing-Approach-Comfortable-Paperback-24-May-2005/dp/B005ONI86G/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423764864&sr=1-7&keywords=hypnobirthing) last time round, not sure if it really helped - I did manage a natural birth at 36yo, I wasn't expecting it to be quite so painful though, what with my hypnobirthing methods employed, but maybe it would have been worse without! Hard to say. Many swear by it. Maybe a class would be better.

mrssmith, am now in my 29th week and still anxious.

lola, hope you are feeling better.

I am losing track of how many weeks I am (either 22 or 23), I think it must be part of third baby syndrome and not enough time to think about it. First time round I was following my week by week development book avidly and this time I haven't even had time to pick it up.

I am likely to have a CS. BF'd both babies fine afterwards.

Trying to be healthy on the side so had blueberries and grapes this afternoon however I could hear the cookies in the cupboard calling my name like mystical sirens of the sea...... I am doomed!

I'm booked for a sweep by consultant at 40+1 but not been told that I can't go the 10 days over well not yet, I have had VB with all 3, my OH is slim with small shoulders and small head so as long as she takes after her dad like her sis did Im good lol. Nearly just wet myself laughing, Is OH day off, much nagging to get shaved ensues, argument etc, but then TMI alert !! a mix up with his piles cream and a tube of deep heat means I get the last laugh, guess u had to be there but it was funny

Thank you Lola, Hotpie, Abs and Bingo xx

Abs re the aged 40 not allowed to go over 40 weeks policy, it does vary from one hospital/trust to another. I'm under East Surrey Hospital. They seem to sit very much on the side of caution to the point where if labour hasn't started naturally by 39 weeks they book you in for a sweep followed by an induction 24 hours later. My sister works in a Sussex hospital and they don't have the same policy there. I totally understand the hippy leaning :) I've said from the start if I was younger I'd go for a home birth.

I've just got back from my follow up birth choice clinic and have another follow up appt booked for two weeks because I told MW I'm still swinging like a pendulum because I've heard such mixed experiences of natural deliveries and nothing but good experiences from ELCS! When asked about my fears, I told MW I'm scared of hospitals (always have been don't know why) even at my appts I can't wait to get out of there, I'm scared having a first baby at my age will involve complications and I'll get so far and then need intervention or EMCS so I'd rather have a planned one......What I really wanted to tell MW is in addition to all of the above I'm also scared I'll be ripped in two, my undercarriage will never be the same again, I'll have more fingers inside me than a box of cadbury's chocolate fingers and I'll completely lose control scream the place down and poo myself :)

On a bright note, I viewed their birthing unit today which is designed to be more relaxed and less clinical, I was really impressed. Each room has a birthing pool, bed, sofa, tv, nice lighting, mural on one wall and private en-suite bathroom. Perhaps she was using psychology on me and knew the 'home from home' feel could sway me :)

Inshock wow there is a birth image, you need to choose what's best for you at end of the day you need to feel relaxed and in control, tho the birthing unit sounds lovely I've not had a ELCS so I can't compare the two

Have I missed a memo? Why are we such a higher risk as older? Get the higher chance of mc/defects due to older eggs but what else is there?

Also you can refuse to be examined unless there is a medical reason inshock, I am, it's on my birth plan. Nothing will stop labour quicker than someone shoving their fingers up there. Also, if no medical reason I will allow monitoring but will not be induced, they can't force you, that would be assault. Obviously if there is a medical reason that's diff, however these are our choices and may change.

Inshock you were asking about hypnobirthing, if on fb like the mindful mama page, there's loads of useful info on there. What I like about it is that it's logical and the science makes sense (I have an MSc so am far from a hippy). It's simple relaxation techniques to keep you and baby calm, encourages oxytocin which keeps labour going (much less chance of physical damage, my big fear, as body is prep'ed) and adrenaline from fear away which shuts everything down. I may not be able to do all natural and that's fine, what will be will be, but should have a calmer, more positive experience using the techniques.

Again, everyone needs to choose what's right for them, this way I'm hoping for less damage, fear & a healthy , calm baby who's not been exposed to drugs.

The consultant drew me a lovely bell curve on the back of what turned out to be my next appointment letter ginger: risks of stillbirth go down down down as you hit 39 weeks, then start going up up up again as you hit 40+ 10ish. Except that, if you're 40+(in age), the curve starts heading up about a week earlier- so, from just after term. Another way of putting it is that the general risk of stillbirth is 1 in 1000 post term, but in 40+ women it goes up to 1 in 440........................so they say .

Sorry, just had to go and put DS to bed. We're pondering World Book Day. "Dress up as a character from your favourite book", they say. At the moment, he is absolutely fixated on the "how babies are made" books I got him. Maybe I should dress him up as a sperm? .

Re: the numbers quoted above: well, how much do we trust numbers, especially when it comes to older women and fertility??? I came across a TOTALLY different breakdown of stillbirth-by-week stats on the AIMS website for example, which makes it look a lot less clear cut. .

Inshock I am so, so glad that all the development worries for your baby have melted away! . Sounds like you have been left feeling a little traumatised by the whole thing though- unsurprising really, you've been through hell.

I am very jealous of the lovely birthing rooms with pools at your local hospital. They were supposed to be getting them in ours- this October gone!- but everyone I speaks to rolls their eyes when I mention them, and doubts that they'll be in for when I give birth....even the MLU is very old fashioned and clinical looking, although it does have a pool. I would love to give birth in a beautiful room with a pool, and things to hang onto, and room to roll around, and coloured lights and everything, but it ain't going to happen round here .

stubborn, thanks for that, I've heard diff stats, there's so much out there isn't there?
That's pants re your hospital. You could Take your own throw & pillow that's used so it has your own smell, iPod station & charger so you can listen to music & a birth ball (cheap to buy). Have you thought about your birth partner? Will it be ex? Will he be a good support? I was thinking about a doula but more satisfied dp will cope now.

How's the bump? I'm huge, it's a struggle bending, bikini line is like the amazon since I injured myself when having a trim lol!

Ha! Last time I spent ages looking for an essential oil burner, then was told I couldn't have naked flames because of the oxygen tanks, and ex twat left the birthing ball in the car because he couldn't be bothered to carry it in! At least they can turn the overhead lights off thank God- I hate overhead lights! I'm afraid I'm a bit more resigned and "whatever" about loads of stuff than I was last time around......The challenge this time is, if I have to get induced, to only have the pessary and not the drip, so I can move around.

I hope ex P will be good.....he has been very helpful recently.

I too am bloody huge- I honestly forgot how enormous you get so early on! How are we going to cope with another 3-4 months of this??

We will cope, however the logistics of 13 weeks of getting bigger with my frame just does not compute. I'm a complete weeble already, I'm amazed how clever our bodies are. And that the bump stays in place without a skeleton scaffold. I've hit the beginning of the next indignity, struggling to wipe my own arse. What will I do when it gets worse? Die of shame lol!

I'm glad ex is being helpful, my heart does gi out to you. I know you've done it yourself before so can do it again but you shouldn't bloody well have to!!!!

Compared to before, this is a walk in the park.....he's coming at 8.30 tomorrow morning to take DS out for the day so I can go back to bed and have a lie in!! . I got zero help from DS's dad....

Haven't yet reached the point where I'm scared to get down on the floor because it's such a huge effort to get up again, but it's coming soon I fear....

Re: arse wiping.....you're going to have to get a long stick! Or maybe a bottle brush?! (vom). Never mind, soon we won't be able to poo either, so it won't matter....

Re: hypnobirthing: my mate's daughter had a distinctly unamusing labour; it lasted for ages because the baby was back to back, but my mate said that she was amazed by how calm and in control DD managed to stay with her hypnobirthing techniques. Must get off my arse and look a few up myself....

Not sure I want to know what a bottle brush is.... I'm just researching perineal massage, boak....

I'm really surprised I've gone this route, most unlike me. It just makes sense. Iim normally all about the science but the hypnobirthing does have logical scientific basis. And hey, whatever helps! If I end up with a cs or whatever I'll still be able to use it to keep calm which will help bump.

I'm amazed how well you're coping. I'm very independent but pregnancy had made me feel vulnerable in a way in ever have before,. Enjoy your lie in, jealous,I'll be helping putting up wardrobes (joy) trying to sort out my building site house!

Oh & pooing has been an issue for me from the start, oh the glamour....

Ladies, is it time we set up a private/secret facebook page for the Old Birds? I'll do it if nobody else wants to, but please note I get all FB toxic every now and again and turn the fucking thing off, which would mean nobody else would be able to access the page either... I'm unlikely to do that whilst preggers as I'm also on another ante-natal thread but cant say I wont lob all my toys out the pram at some stage.

It just means we can actually get to know each other as real people and can be a bit more open than on here - tho God knows, we don't appear to have found a topic thats TMI for MN yet :)

Discuss....

I'm in but must be private/closed group

What an image Snooky! :) so much to think about! I'm surrounded by women who have had really positive ELCS experiences which is making it so much harder to reach a decision.

Ginger I feel like l've missed the memo about birth choices, pain relief, and generally our options! So much of the focus of my care has been about baby's kidneys and overall growth that the bit at the end (birth!) has hardly been spoken about. That coupled with the fact you have to book an appt with my midwife 5 weeks in advance, she's that busy, which means she hasn't been my go to for my questions. I've only just discovered you can choose which hospital you go to! My sister (the nurse) told me and said the hospital haven't told me because the more ladies they have the more funds they receive.

Huge thanks Ginger and Abs for hypno info that's right up my street I'm going to get reading, I'm a huge advocate of the power of the mind!

Such a shame about your hospital Stubborn, but...as I was telling DP last night we can have all the plans but they might go out of the window and ultimately it's the level of care you receive that matters most. I was looking on the April thread yesterday and there's a lady who's had her baby at 30 weeks! A sudden EMCS.

Hexy I'm in for a FB group too so long as it's closed :)

On the subject of bikini lines and bum wiping, when does it become acceptable if ever to ask DP to tidy up your bikini line? :) DP has taken to calling me Chewbacca from Star Wars! And does anyone have an opinion on Dulcolax? The overnight laxative....safe or not?...I'm feeling the need.

Ginger I meant to say re memo over risks for older ladies, my consultant did say many of the older ladies she sees are in better shape than the younger ones and have healthier pregnancies because they look after themselves better both physically and nutritionally and the only 'risk' factor in their pregnancy is being over 40 so classed as 'older'.

INshock I think the AIMS website would be good for you: www.aims.co.uk
Gives you lots of info on birth choices 'n' that.

Also, in my first pregnancy I loved reading "Spiritual Midwifery", by Ina May Gaskin. It is definitely one of the hippiest books I've ever read, just knocked into 2nd place by the "Grateful Dead Cookbook" , but it's a great counterpoint to the whole medicalised, fear-based narrative. Basically, she started off as midwife to her commune in the 70s, but her practice and reputation has spread and she is still v.v. well respected. There are lots of (extremely) natural birth stories, and I find it a really heartwarming and inspiring read, even though my first birth was pretty damn medicalised, and I fear the second may be too....

I don't know about Dulcolax, but I think Lactulose is safe in pregnancy. So far, I have managed to ward it off by eating industrial quantities of prunes though (parp) .

Oh, that would be aims.org.uk, unless you're also looking for an accountant .

Ou thanks Stubborn I'm going to look at the site this afternoon the birth one not the accountants :D and I've ordered the book on Amazon :) Tempted to order the Ina May Guide to Childbirth too. Just had a visit from my sister who has gone in to graphic detail about VB and CS, telling me in her normal matter of fact way 'I'm hardened to all this I'm a nurse' well I'm not! I think she's enjoying knowing more than me in that competitive sibling kind of way. DP is not impressed and I've had to stop him from calling her and telling her to stop filling my head with horror stories. She's so opinionated it's unreal, I've been told if I have a baby shower she won't come because she doesn't agree with them, she hopes my DP is going to be one of 'those men' that cries because she can't stand all that and often wants to say 'get a grip!' in theatre, she can't stand the women who want skin to skin, or delay in cord being cut...she's a joy!

Just discovered Weetabix new cereal bars are only 79 calories, low fat, sugar etc but 5 grammes of fibre! Eaten two :)

Apricots and prunes great for constipation .... I also find a handful of cashew nuts can't help me go... Suffered with constipation terribly last time, it's not so bad at moment.

I'm hoping for a home birth ... With a little bit of gas and air as my help that's all I've needed before ... I also want my DP to be more involved .... But not going to have a birthing plan as if it doesn't happen I don't want to be disappointed ( friend who had plan felt completely deflated when it hadn't gone that way) just going to go with how I feel at the time ....relaxed and smoothly I hope

Cashew nuts can help me go I mean