November 1014 - thread 5 - the rainbow collective romping (and limping) into 2nd trimester!

[weeonion]

hi folks - thought we should have a new thread!

Well said Mrs Wombat

Amylou - I think I found expressing and sterilising a hassle because DS1 was an epic feeder and an absolute porker as a result! When I look back on his first 6 months I have an image of me sitting in a chair breast feeding, all the time! By way of contrast the neighbour who borrowed the same pump was able find the time to express and bottle feed expressed milk, but her son was a really poor feeder and didn't gain weight especially fast.

Everyone is different. I found washing bottles and sterilising tedious, some of my friends find being tied to a baby hideous and need to get them taking bottles so they can share the workload. You'll work out what's right for you once the baby is here.

bunny we had a hammock for ds for the first four months. He slept in it at night but the main part can be attached to a door frame so they can snooze in it downstairs. They're great for spinal support for very new babies and feel like being held after being supported in the womb, rather than suddenly flat on your back in an open space. Theoretically they can stay in them till 6 months but ds was 75th centile and around 4 months decided he wanted to sleep on his front, so we then moved him into a stokke cot bed. They are awesome and super adaptable, plus can start as a little round bassinet should you want to.

Will try to paste links below but am a bit awful with techie stuff...

Miyo Hammock

Stokke Sleepi

Utopian - dd had a hammock too!! This will be the 8th baby to use it. We loved ours and it doubled as travel cot. V handy!!

Guys am reading all your bf stories and am getting a dawning horror that bf might not fit into my life at all. I mentioned in another thread that I take care of a fully disabled relative full time when not at work.

I'll be taking maternity leave from work, but there's no maternity leave from taking care of a family member! I will be able to get someone to take over for hopefully the week after I give birth, but thats it.

I don't mind in itself - I love the person very much and they will be doolally about baby - I can imagine them just staring in wonder at baby all the time! It will be very sweet.

BUT the care aspect is really full on, with a ton of physical problems, and I'm there to work, not sit around cooing at baby with them. I spend a lot of time tending to them medically, and if they start to choke for example, I have to literally drop everything and run.

Given that, how the Hell can I sit down bf feeding for an hour? And then an hour later do it again??? When on earth do I get full free hours there? Never!!!!

Am starting to get very anxious. God, I don't think I've thought this through at all.

But then would bottles be easier? Some say they're much quicker, and if so....yes, quicker would be better, no doubt. I will still have to interrupt a feed midway if I have to, but maybe with bottles I'll have more of a chance of getting it in?

I want to try bf, but perhaps I am being utterly naive. Its not gonna work, is it?

Annarose - i remember you saying before you were a carer. I know i had it v easy in comparison. Hopefully someone with more experience will come along or possibly post for advice on main BF threads??

I'm scared of the main BF thread. It seems to be all very "do extended BF until they're 2 or you're just giving up too easily". V. intimidating.

Am starting to feel like I've already failed as I won't be able to have months of lovely one-on-one time snuggled up on the settee in pyjamas watching Judge Judy whilst devoting myself 100% to bf. Thats what I would like.

DH will be able to help out a lot as his hours are flexible, but how can he help me when I have to juggle bfing a baby and being a carer? Even to leave baby behind with him (should he happen to have a day off) I would have had to be able to express quite a lot. Given I won't have time to express whilst caring, that'll have to be at night/early morning. The pressure of it all!

Sorry guys, just freaking myself out. And SIL just this very morning had the "give yourself a break when it comes to the Bfing, ok?" talk with me. But I suppose its the fact that its external forces putting pressure on me that upsts me - I think I'd be more forgiving if it was my own body that didn't want to do it.

Sorry, just flapping a bit.

Anna I think it's more that you feed for 20 minutes per hour at first though I might be wrong!

All I will say is that you might need to think about what you will do if you can't go back to caring for them after a week. You might be up and running within a couple of days but I've heard so many different experiences, some women having problems for weeks with things like mastitis and babies not sleeping. I think if possible I'd look at what could be put in place to help you if you need it for a bit longer after birth so you don't end up stressing at the time when you've got a baby to look after :)

Anna that must be really tough.
I don't have any personal experience this being my first baby but I have spent many years as a maternity nanny working with new mums and although you have to invest time and effort into the first few weeks for your milk to come in, I have known many mums who have very successfully breast-fed their babies or expressed, just once or twice a day.
The rest of the time they have given formula feeds for various reasons.
It is perfectly possible that you could breastfeed just last thing at night and first thing in the morning and give bottles in between.
Your body is very clever at producing the right amount of milk on demand and production actually gets into a routine which will allow you to make it work for you and your schedule.
That way baby still benefits from the goodness of breast milk but doesn't tie you to quite so many hours of sitting and nursing...
This is what I hope to do, exclusively breast-feed for the early weeks and then supplement breast feeding with bottles during the day, and still feed at bedtime and first thing in the morning. Fingers crossed!
I work as a nanny to a toddler and the plan is that I'll be back to work with my baby in tow within 3/4 months ??. As it's a job rather than my own toddler, I don't think it's fair
on the little girl or really viable for me to get anything done around the house if I'm spending hours on the sofa feeding. It would be different if it was my own DC1, I would relish CBeebies on the sofa!
I feel lucky enough that I can take my baby to work -so the house isn't repossessed- and save the cost of childcare so I don't want to take the piss and bottles will just be slightly more practical and time efficient.
I don't want to go back so soon but needs must sadly.

Anna do what you want to do! If you want to breastfeed there are support groups etc to help show you how and your body and baby may find it easy or you might not be able to do it, so you can't worry about what's out of your control. Ignore your sil (is she trying to dissuade you because she doesn't want to have to take over some of the caring?) But just don't pressure yourself to do anything one particular way, you could do a mix of bf and formula if you end up struggling to feed while caring.

I do feel bad for you though being a carer is a big responsibility and it shouldn't get in the way of you enjoying having your little one. Could you speak to the persons doctor or social services and see if there is any support you can get?

Thank you all - SIL was just trying to be kind after several babies who were all different with Bfing - some brilliant, some bolshy. She's right of course, the babies don't suffer, its us stressing ourselves out that suffers.

Alita I am availing of as much community support as is available, but respite is a not practical with someone this compromised - any respite offered would be as an in-patient in hospital and they would be so distressed, not to mention trying to get a hospital bed at just the right time I deliver! Not likely! Even if i have a C section I will go. I'm not being a brave little soldier, its more that I've been dealing with the health services for yeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrsss about him and know its limits.

Elliekins your idea about bfing just at either ends of the day has given me a glimmer of hope. Thank you. Perhaps it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I know DH would LOOOOVE being able to feed baby too, so he would be helpful. I wish I wasn't so thick about what can be done. I know nothing about how bfing works. I don't even know how long it takes! Have never felt so utterly unprepared for anything!

Thanks for all the thoughts on sleeping arrangements for the baby, lots to think about! We have indoor cats so need to make sure whatever the baby sleeps in can be cat proofed. (There's no way we can stop the cats coming into the bedroom, or no one will get any sleep!) maybe we'll try a Moses basket in the cot bed all covered by a cat net. Hmmmmm!

I'm hoping to breastfeed too, and will give it my best go, but I'm worried it might not work out.

I collected my Emma's Diary and Bounty packs a few days ago. It was mostly advertising stuff but there were some nappy samples and baby wipes which made it all feel quite real and exciting!

Yep, it's definitely possible. I think that you have to feed as much as possible in the very early days but once your body settles into a rhythm with milk production then it's certainly possible. I've known mums who have continued with a 7pm feed until 12-18 months but who have dropped all other breast feeds at at 6-9 months - their bodies just know that baby needs milk at the exact same time every night - it's amazing. You have to be consistent though, miss a feed or two and your supply will diminish. I'm sure there is lots of reading up you can do, not sure what to recommend.
I know what you mean about the 'all or nothing' approach some people have to breast-feeding - people can get very militant about it, especially on forums and its such an emotive subject.
You have to do what works for you both, stress and pressure are not conducive to successful feeding and bonding.
There's definitely a fine line between needing to persevere with trying to feed and feeling totally overwhelmed by the pressure of 'succeeding'.
It certainly doesn't come easy or naturally for many mums and I think the important thing is that baby is gaining steady weight and you are calm and sane and content and not anxious or feeling guilty if it doesn't work.
I think my expectations are quite reasonable, I really want it to work and will try to make it work but I will be happy to say I gave it my best shot and if it's not for us then I promise myself I won't feel guilty or a failure because it can be very hard and very painful and exhausting.
Bottle feeding can be much quicker and its easy to share the feeds with anyone willing to help!
It's also a good idea to introduce a bottle occasionally after a few weeks regardless.
The longer you leave it before introducing an occasional bottle the harder it can be for them to accept a bottle feed and it's always good to know that they won't go hungry if you are forced to be away from them for a few hours - even if it's expressed milk in the bottle. I've never known a baby to get 'nipple confusion' before, they might have a preference, but that's different!
Although they might object to having a bottle of formula from you if they can smell yummy leaked breast milk, best to get DH/DP/Grandma to do first bottle feed!

How do you find things like the main bf thread? I am still a bit clueless as to how mumsnet works!

Anybody else missing alcohol more rather than less as time goes by?
All my friends are out for a birthday and I've not gone because;

1. People irritate the hell out of me at the moment after they've had a few drinks to the extent that DP is also out tonight and I've told him (please) not to come home and stay at his mates instead. He's been to Wembley today to watch his team and he'll be irritatingly shit-faced jubilant.
2. I'm bloody envious of them all getting merrily sloshed, I really REALLY want a mahoosive glass of cold Chablis and a cigarette.

I'm going to have a chocolate Nesquik and a satsuma instead and go up to bed with the cat.

Aw Elliekins I hear ya! People posting 'Friday night = wine o'clock' and pictures of cocktails and such and I just start drooling! I keep thinking I'll make a virgin pina colada but I know deep down my fave bit is the rum!!!

Good, not just me then. Phew.

Still can't find my mojito juice in supermarkets :(

Oklahoma - If you go onto the main 'talk' menu, down the left hand side there is 'feed the world' and there's a 'breast and bottle feeding' page on there :-)

Just having at thread catch up after yesterday's dramas. PILs arrived safely, although we did get a further panicked phone all about making sure a light is left in at all times lol. At least DH and I will be panic free for 2 weeks.

Thanks for asking the question about sleeping arrangements Bunny, I've been looking into this myself. I think I'm going to have a cot/cot bed in the babies' room and a Moses basket in mine that I can move downstairs when needed. I'm still not 100% sure about using the pram carrycot as an alternative travel cot??

Alita' I can't seem to find the Mojito drink in Sainsburys either as I wanted some for a girly catch up. Maybe the -old farts- bods at Sainsburys have decided to discontinue it. I'm really missing alcohol too Ellie . I'm not really a wine drinker, -more cocktails-' but I really missed it in the early days. So much so that I considered washing my mouth out with a glass of vino just for that taste.

Finally woke up yesterday to a lovely handwritten letter from my former counsellor, who I saw in the early part of the year for post-stroke depression and anxiety. I last saw her at that start of May and told her I was pregnant and worried about any reoccurrence of anxiety. Her letter included lots of hints and tips for coping as well as a few local mother and baby groups. It really touched me she took time to handwrite a letter rather than dictating one.

Just found these
www.funkincocktails.co.uk/shop

Only 3 flavours are available at Sainburys at the moment for £2.50, but Ocado seem to have lots more. They come in 1L carton as well as -handy- travel pouches. I'm sure other supermarkets should have them too.

AnnaRose - I'm so sorry if my posts about breast feeding have sent you into a stress, that wasn't my intention at all . Others have given you good advice already. I would add:

When you have your second/third baby, the baby to some extent has to fit around the needs of the other children. It is perfectly ok to stop feeding a baby in order to stop a toddler doing something dangerous. The baby might yell, but it won't do them any harm. In fact it will probably do you a service in the long term as the baby will get used to being put down, will learn to self settle sooner etc. DS2 learnt to self settle at 9 weeks after I put him in his hammock during DS2s bath and by the time I returned he was asleep.

That's not to minimise the level of care that your relative clearly needs which sounds extensive. I don't want liken his needs to those of a toddler either, just that it is perfectly normal to fit the baby around everything that is going on.

The other thought is that it is possible to breast feed a baby whilst it is in a sling, leaving you with two free hands and able to walk around. I have cooked tea for DS1 whilst feeding DS2.

I would second what Alita says about needing a contingency plan in the event that you aren't able to resume caring after a week. I wouldn't have been able to with DS1 (infection post csec) but it would have been ok to with DS2.

Finally! Babies do actually sleep a lot in the early days, they just feed a lot too! I had a hard time with DS1 because he fed a lot and slept v little. He wasn't typical

I've posted a picture on the Facebook group, but Asda sell some mocktails. They are with the cocktails in the wines and spirits section. You can also add alcohol to them.

Thanks Kantha

Spoke to DH about all my anxieties, and he is a rock of sense as usual. And reminds me that my worries always centre around something I feel I'm 100% responsible for. And he reminded me that baby is his job too. He's going to come with me caring whenever he's not working so that I have another pair of hands. And at home he's going to make sure I have lots of lovely mummy time (thats if I can actually bf). So feel a bit better this morning, particularly about the idea of combination feeding.

Must keep remembering baby won't starve and thats all that matters!