Due October 2006 - part 4

[nowanearlyNicemum]

there we go - I did it.
just need for you all to find it now...

Can any one give me some paternity rights advice for my DP?

my DP who works full time for a company for the previous 6 years has been offered 2 weeks SPP, thats all. which he is pretty miffed about, he wants to spend more time at home with us but is worried about loss of earnings etc PLUS -

On the 30th September (one of my due dates) he has been told he HAS to work - his company are holding a rathe rlarge event etc, he is responcible for planning etc, he tried to sign it over to one of his colleagues, his boss said he wasnt allowed, and would have to work - even though I may have to have a CS on the 26th of September.

Seriously, is his boss allowed to tell him he HAS to work, he was pretty rude about it all, and never stops taking the piss out of DP about becoming a dad and not being able to afford to not work.

MAkes me want to go give his boss a big hormonal pregnant bitch slap.

emzickle i think 2 weeks is all man are entitled to no matter how long they have worked for the company for!!!
Im not sure if they can say he has to work but then if you have to book the two weeks off like you do a holiday i guess maybe they cud say he has to work!!!

i think they are suppose to get 3days full pay and then the rest works out bout 20 quid a day well that how it works out at my place hope this helps a bit

Gingeme, I have that problem every mw check-up. I take the dog for a walk, come back, do a wee, remember that I was supposed to do it in a pot and then struggle to produce a trickle. Every time, I say I'll remember next time and then the same happens again. As for waterbirths, I think they're now extremely popular and risks must be v. low. Let's face it, however you decide to do it, there are risks and Mum being relaxed and happy with choices has got to be the best, however she decides to do it.

Saka, we're all hormonal and emotional. DP and I had a silly row last week ending in me sobbing hopelessly with my dog cuddling up to me wondering what was happening. Fortunately DP knows I'm hormonal and likely to pick on silly things. And I had to stop reading a book this morning because it was getting too emotional. I've cried at books before but not like this. Hope it goes well at the doctors. Don't forget to ask for another midwife and ask about where to give birth options.

Emzickle, have a look here . It seems to me that provided your DP has given the appropriate notice, they can't turn him down.
It's a really hard one though. I guess he's really conscious that he has to continue to work there afterwards. So the men are now having the same problems we've been having for years. It doesn't feel like progress though. Too many jealous w**kers still in the workplace I guess.

Thank you for the advice, I have sent the link to DP

Hi everyone

The iron tablets are kicking in. My heart racing has calmed. Hospital on Monday to check I am better. Hoping I am so they sign me off consultant.

I've put on two stone four pounds and I am 32 weeks. I put on 15 pounds of that by 9 weeks pregnant. I get severe morning sickness and can only eat mash and hula hoops. The huge carbs intake means massive weight gain but it is my only way to survive. I got rid of it after birth but got depressions and put three stone on! Typical. But got rid of that in four months at Weight Watchers. Was quite easy really.

I like Avalon as a name and I know a little girl here called that.

I am also nesting like mad, rearranging cupboards and everything. Wish I didn't have the urge though!

And I am having the RUDEST dreams you can imagine. I've no idea what is going on!

Hi Everyone
There seems loads to read through so have had a very quick look through thread.
Emzickle-the two weeks paternity at £100 or whatever it is, is rubbish isn't it, when you have a mortgage to pay etc? I think DH may just take 1 week and the other as holiday.
Whiffy-how exciting-less than two weeks to go. Cannot believe how fast the time has gone and people are starting to give birth!
Saka-I reckon any pregnant (or not pregnant) for that matter, mother would get stressed and emotional at being told their child's cot had been delivered when it hadn't.These things are hassles that you just don't need. On the subject of hospitals, I thought we were all allowed a choice where we gave birth? I was pregnant in London with DD, and as we lived in Bow, was offered choice of Homerton or Whitechapel hospital (think that is the Royal London but cannot remember)No choice this time as only 1 hospital nearby. So if you do not like Basildon hospital, you should be able to go somewhere else. My family are from Essex, and we had to take DD to Southend hospital for something a while back and they were very good. This is not far from Basildon-but no idea what the maternity services are like. May be just as bad as the hospital you do not like.

Youngmum21-I would mention the braxton hicks to your midwife just to be on the safe side. I think they do increase as you get nearer to term (though I am not noticing any yet!) but always best to check it out. I'd give them a call if you do not have an appointment for a while.

I wanted to ask if any of you can give me ideas as to how I can cure my DDs sudden fear of dogs/cats? We do not have pets, but she has always loved them. Unfortunately, over the bank holiday, we saw some friends who have a 5 month old poodle. Before I could lever myself out of the chair I was on (this was during my much mentioned piles problem so I moved very slowly!)the puppy jumped up on her and knocked her over. Since then she screams if a dog or cat comes near her. There is a cat at her childminder that she used to love, but now will not go anywhere near it and infact gets really scared when this very placid cat comes near her. Not being experienced with animals ourselves we don't know what we should do to sort this out. I know it only happened a couple of weeks ago, but want to nip it in the bud before it because a real phobia or something. Any suggestions welcome.

emzickle- hope you get it sorted - guessing if he books it as pat leave then they can't refuse him but he has to go back and work there afterwards/goodwill etc...The chances the baby will actually arrive on the date though are pretty slim so maybe no need to worry too much?
My Dh has booked his pat leave for 10 days after my due date as I'm expecting to go overdue (did with dd, all my sisters babies gone to 42 weeks). He's supposed to be working nights for a week on my due date which would be fun . Am planning on going into labour long before then though - off for strenous walk in woods with the dogs!

his boss actually told him that he had to take the week off before the due date, and the following date. other than that he said he couldnt work dp's time off into the schedule... git

I would so love to have a water birth but have had a categorical no from my obstetrician... It has been hard enough to persuade her to let me try for a vaginal birth after c-section so I'm considering that to be my small triumph for now... Obviously we'll have to wait and see what happens on d-day.

I don't think we should be worrying about our weight gains at all - there seem to be far more things to worry about to be honest, whether they're related to pregnancy, birth or what comes next!!

Have had the leaking nipples thing for a while now but only seems to happen first thing in the morning so haven't had to reach for the breast pads yet

Hello all

I had my 34 week check up this morning, in the words of my midwife I was boringly normal so that's good to hear and baby's head is down so hopefully it will stay that way.

I haven't had any BH or leaky nipples so feel I'm missing out!

We had our last antenatal class last night it was the bf one and no exposing of breasts, the midwife had a model - how boring! We are going to have a reunion at the end of November to meet all the babies so that will be nice. The NHS classes start next week but to be honest I don't think I can be bothered, I think I'll just book myself in for a labour ward tour.

emzickle, I can't believe what a git your dp's boss is, like there is anything more important than being at the birth of your child. I would find in very difficult to hold my tongue, I hope when his turn comes he gets a worse boss than he is, the jumped up little sh*t!

Good afternoon ladies. Had my 32 week check up this morning. Everything a ok . Though the midwife did ask me'do you have large babies?'. Oh no not again My other midwife said that too. No theyre getting smaller not bigger.
Oh saka you just dont need it do you? Hope it all arrives before the little person who needs it does.
Dont know exactly how paternity leave/pay works but my dh gets 2 weeks off from the day baby is born on full pay. He did with last ds too.
majormoo maybe you should see the friends with the pup again and reasure your dd that the puppy is ok and try to get down and play etc all together with it. Show her it knocking you over and that just to show it doesnt mean any harm. Try this with the cm cat too realy try to explain that its never hurt her before and its not likely to. I dont know if thats any good but it might help.
My cats just so placid and stupid he just lets my ds drag it around by the tail. Luckily we have wooden floors through out so he doesnt hurt it. If he gets too much my cat gives him a little warning swipe and just walks off into another room.
I was in the lap of luxury this morning. I have my nails done once a month with arcrylic and have my toe nails painted (basicaly because I cant reach them these days!)and had one guy doing one hand another doing the other hand and a guy at my feet. I was in heaven. Look very lovely now ready for a friends party Im going to on Saturday.
Take care all. Keep cool. xxx

Thanks for the advice majormoo but at the mo i dont have a mw ive just changed docs and she suppose to be ringing me but so far ive heard nothing and she only works a tues so wot us is that, suppose i cud ring the docs doubt if they will say anything though!!!

Youngmum: you can ring the antenatal unit at hospital if you have any questions - the numbers should be on your notes. I've got one for the midwives and one for the ward. We were told to ring with any worries and they wouldn't laugh at us (at least not over the phone ).

lucky you Gingeme - I'm sure you look lovely. Really fancy a pedicure and a bit of pampering, never had one before, must try and get one sorted.

Emzickle, your dh's boss really is a g$t isn't he? Over here dp will get 3 days off for the birth and then he's entitled to 11 consecutive days at full pay to be taken before the baby is 6 months old. That's standard in France. Great news that your iron tablets are doing the trick by the way.

clon and gingeme, glad to hear your check ups went ok. In this case, boring is good clon

I'm sleeping really badly at the mo Swizzler. Only managed 4 or so hours last night so am running on empty today. To cap it all I'm holding a surprise birthday party for a friend here at our place this evening. One of those things that sounded totally feasable a month or so ago when I suggested it to her dh. God, I could soooo do with out the extra work right now. Oh well, that'll teach me to keep my big mouth shut!!

saka, put it down to hormones. you've been through so much recently it's not surprising you're going to have a good old blub now and again. I'm sure it'll all arrive on your doorstep soon so you can continue nesting for your new arrival

swizzler thanks i forgot that i could do that feel abit silly though as i feel fine now.

Majormoo, I know a little girl who was knocked down by a dog at an early age and has now (at age 8) an obsessive phobia. (Actually her mum is even considering getting a dog to try and get her over it.) So I think you're right to address this quickly. I'd start by getting her to be calm in the same room as the cat and gradually, as she feels comfortable get her to go closer. If you can enlist someone with a placid dog who will sit still for similar treatment, eventually gentle stroking, even better. It's not a bad thing for children to be cautious with unknown dogs, but frightened is not fun. (Actually my dog is cautious with unknown humans so it works both ways.) I know 5 months is young to have mastered it completely, but I hope that your friends are teaching their dog not to jump up. Has your dd got any books with dogs and cats in them that you can read to her and be positive about the animals?

Emzickle, with Mr. A. Hole. He's not allowed to do it. Aren't there any other people there who've had babies? Is there an HR department? It's paternity leave, not holiday fgs. I don't think he can take paternity leave before the baby is born. He can say he wants his paternity leave to start on the day the baby is born, or a specific number of days afterwards. By definition, he cannot know this in advance. His boss has to think again. My DP has booked one week paternity leave followed by two weeks holiday (he only gets full pay for one week and we can't manage on SPP.)

Your pampering sounds good, Gingeme. I had my nails done yesterday by a young skinny girl and have now ruined them by peeling pickling onions underwater (the onions and my hands, not me.)

Here's to boring antenatal checks (she says raising a glass of milk.) Long may they continue.

Really must go and do some more cleaning now, much as I'd like to spend the afternoon here. Sorry for the long post - I always do it when I'm meant to be somewhere else.

Well - first ante-natal class today and am really seriously considering a water-birth. The mw said just let them know when you call the hospital to go in and if it isn't being used you can give it a go. She said that in her experience the mother and baby seem to 'enjoy' it - baby seems calmer, less chance of a tear or episiotomy, baby sort of delivers itself and is less stressed as it is going from a hot bag of water inside you to a warm vat of water before coming up for air, therefore is is less stressful for it, the position is much better for giving birth as you're not sat on your bum, and you are supported by the water, and the clincher I think is that as long as you don't go in the water until you are in active labour it can speed things up as it is physically easier for the baby to get out, oh and you can still have gas and air in the pool. I think this might be worth a go, although am not particularly a fan of naked swimming in a hospital room, a big t-shirt should sort that out, and I haven't heard one bad story yetfrom anyone who has actually tried it.

Oh and yes leaky nipples - check
Braxton Hicks - not yet

My OH has booked 2 weeks SSP from the due date onward, (he gets 2 days paid at the start of it gratis but I think that is down to the company) and then he will go back for a week and then have 2 weeks paid leave - we will pprobably be sick of the sight of each other by then, although he did get an email in this morning asking him to go on a training course to the states from 2nd to 6th Oct - when I am due on 13th - I don't think so pal - have told him to mail them back ans see if they can change the dates - it's one thing for him to be working 200 miles away when labour kicks in, but something totally different for him to be on another continent/time zone!!

Good morning ladies. I knew you would have some good advice about the puppy situation Dogmum. Hope your little one gets over her fear soon majormoo.
Ok jmcmugwump not going to harp on about water births but everything you were told is true. Well was for me anyway and you can move about as much as you like and yes you do feel totaly weightless so its great for back ache too. I was told by my midwife that I could actualy bring baby up on my own once he was born but I didnt quite get that far as I was on my knees and didnt sit back in time to do that so the midwife was behind me to take him. Does that make sense?
It does get very warm in the water though so you might re consider the t shirt. I wore a nighty to do the first bit of labouring while walking around the ward getting things going but as soon as I reached 5 cm I got in the pool and things realy speeded up in there. In fact I dont know if it was the water or ds himself but he was so quick I didnt have to pant when his head emerged bcause he just popped straight out! Sorry tmi. He was called our 'torpedo baby' for a little while after that. And he was realy realy calm after too. In fact he didnt actualy cry till his vit k injection.See didnt harp on did I ? Yeah not much
Well Im off for somr breakfast. See you ladies soon xxx

Hello, I'm a newby on the site - have just signed up.

I'm 33 weeks - due 26 October. Not giving up work until the end of this month and now getting v tired!

Has anyone else got a low-growing fibroid? I am due for a scan on 18 Sept to see if I will need to have a section but the consultant told me there's a good chance it will have moved out of the way. I've searched the site (and others) under fibroid, but there isn't an awful lot out there - it's mostly to do with their effects on fertility (none for me!).

I'd be so grateful if anyone has any experiences or info to share on this.

Morning everyone,

Good-ish news on the ante natal care front. The doctor said he would do all the checks from now on, and to return in one week. He only did my bloodpressure and checked for swelling on my feet - no urine or baby's heartbeat. I dont know, as when I had my dd, I was weighed, bloodpressure, urine, and heartbeat (and even an ultrasound which was totally unnecessary) at every apppointment.

Im feeling a reasonable amount of movement - more than 12 in 12 hours, so Im not too worried.

Ive only got to make another 4 weeks and a day - maximum, so hopefully me and baby can manage with the care we have until he gets out.

Im a bit all over the place. Weepy one minute, laughing the next, slightly worried Im losing my marbles, but much better. In the end, what does it matter if my cot is late, or whatever happens as long as we are all healthy.

Thanks for all the support, it makes me feel much less alone.

Im thinking of moving out the area as soon as we are fit, so we are closer to things like schools and hospitals. It is all a bit of a shock to me, the variation in services. When I last lived here I was in central London and never far from a big hospital etc. I quite fancy the sea side...

saka

So glad your feeling more positive now saka and you have sorted out some pre natal care at last. Where along the coast do you fancy movng too? My parents are living in Deal,Kent now. I lived there when I was little but we moved to London when I was about 9. Its lovely where they live. The schools are excelent and any time my parents have had to visit hospital theyve had the best care. My Dad keeps trying to talk us into moving there but its a bit too quiet for me. Plus my dh drives on the underground so he doesnt like the idea of commuting.
Welcome dashingredhead. No experience of this problem sorry but your more than welcome to discuss just about anything here. Is this your first baby?

hello - re the person who had done (?) NCT and didn't know whether to bother with NHS classes- I would! The NHS ones are run by the midwives who actually work in your hospital, so they have practical tips rather than the lovey dovey theory you get at NCT (nb i DID BOTH, I LIKED THEM BOTH, i AM NOT ANTI nct AM STILL A MEMBER) BUT i THINK IT IS GOOD TO GE BOTH SIDES. PLUS MET SOME REALLY NICE PEOPLE AT nhs ONES WHO HAVE BECOME FIRM FRIENDS. sorry re caps not trying to shout just rubbish typer!!
have Symphusis pubis disorder , last day at work today, heartburn and anaemia, so just a regular pregnancy!!! love to all

Have to say I'm really impressed with my NCT classes we have gone in to loads of details about every aspect of birth and labour and babies and def covered all the nasties like tearing perinal massage pooing what happens when you get home or if things go wrong it was very realistic not a fairytale description at all, on the other hand my NHS classes were not so good midwife just glossed over stuff and rushed through most of the vital bits I asked questions but didn't feel the answers were very detailed. we only got 4 classes compared to the 7 we get with NCT. our NCT leader was a midwife before so she is qualified and knows what shes talking about but not sure if all NCT leaders are.

Have been diagnosed with SPD yesterday and not sure what to do with myself so hard to walk around and doctor told me its only going to get worse! reduced to slow shuffle round the office to everyones amusement. any tips wooud be great.

Can't comment about the antenatal classes as didn't go to any - think the best reason for them is to make friends to meet with for coffee afterwards so maybe this is why people do both?

I don't have leaky nipples (although they do leak a bit if squeezed ) When my milk came in last time though I frequently used to wake up absolutely soaked (does settle down after a while).

Re waterbirths - I'm not anti them at all - from the research I did the jury is very much still out (due to a lack of data) about the safety of actually giving birth in water. Don't think anyone is arguing that labouring in water can help some people - I thought with my first that I would love to be in water to help with pain but actually found it really frightening. Each to their own I reckon!

Glad your antenatal care is getting better Saka: don't worry at all about calling the hospital if you notice reduced movements - they'll probably get you in and hook you up to a monitor for a while. Think less than 10 in 12 hours is the magic number where I'm booked.
Don't think you need to have babies heart listened to at every appt as long as moving ok - think they do it more for reassurance for mum.

No idea about the fibroid - would guess the concern is that it'll block the exit route for the baby or affect how the baby settles into the pelvis. Fingers crossed that it moves out of the way.

Equally - no idea about SPD. At least not too long to go. Does your hospital have a pregnancy physio service? Think they can give you a special support to wear if it gets severe.

Having a lovely day - been out picking blackberries with my dd - felt like supermummy when she showed me her little bag full beaming with pride! Legs are scratched to ribbons though - top tip - don't wear sandals and cropped jeans when climbing through prickles!!