January 2014 Thread 16 - More babies arrive or we make delicious lasagnes whilst we wait

[enormouse]

Here you go - New thread! (Procrastinating wildly)

Congratulations little great news. Look forward to hearing the details when you are settled :)

Yay little what fab news!

Congratulations little glad it was a good delivery

frying that's what I had Olivia in but she seemed to get really hot, but it might be because I'm indoors, but I don't know if just a vest will be enough.

Gave Olivia her first bath today and she loved it.

Congratulations little

nature - if he's in the wrap inside i just have him in his vest, well, if the heating is on.

technically the heating is on but it's not that warm. I'll try her in just her vest this afternoon. I guess it will be a bit of trial and error. I love the wrap though. Love having her close but still being able to get on with stuff

Congrats little! Can't wait to hear your birth story

Little chunk put on 8.5ozs (240g) in a week! He now weighs 7lb 8.5 which is more than he did at birth :) the mw has signed us off and said that she couldn't think of an excuse to keep us on her books

Dh was just changing Olivia, took her nappy off and she projectile pooed onto the curtains! Dh's face was a picture! Haha! Said curtain is now in the wash!

Yay frying thats a great gain!

Lol nature thats not happened to us yet but she does like to poop as i am changing her so it goes all over the mat and she projectile pees as soon as i move the nappy away.

Just waiting for dh to get back from walking pooch and then its time to bath, feed and read a story to aurelia. Then hopefully she will snooze!

My boobs are killing today. I think its because they are feeling quite full but might be something else brewing

Congratulations littleray lovely name, and glad you had a good experience.

So we went for tongue tie assessment today at the clinic at Kings hospital. They were amazing, and did a full assessment of the movement in Emily's tongue, which turns out was really limited and restricting her ability to feed properly. They tell you to look at whether the tongue can go over the gums, which hers just about could, but she couldn't move it properly from side to side, and she couldn't elevate her tongue in her mouth. So on the face of it, it didn't look like a problematic tongue tie, but whe as sessed properly it actually was.

They also took one look at the state of my nipples and have prescribed something to help heal them, they were surprised that the midwives hadn't picked up on the damage as the open wounds one the right were particularly bad (the midwife didn't even look, and told us that 'breast feeding was supposed to hurt a bit, despite what they will tell you at the feeding clinic...'. )

It took about 2 mins for them to snip the tie, and honestly it is like feeding a different baby. So much easier, and she can open her mouth so much wider. She keeps sticking her tongue out, and we didn't realise how restricted it obviously was before. Before my prescription arrives they also recommended some Jelonet gauze thing which you buy over the counter and put between the nipple and pad. No more rubbing! So much less pain! I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted from my chest (literally), and Emily seems to be feeding better already, for less time, and less frustrating for all of us.

So so happy we got it done and feels like we are on the right road to get feeding back on track.

We were really lucky that our doula strongly recommended we went to the
local breast feeding clinic, otherwise we never would've been brave enough to go, and we wouldn't have been referred. The local breast feeding advocates have been great and done everything they could as quickly as they could but it makes me that the midwives couldn't even be bothered to look, and there might be other people still suffering and having to give up bf'ing because they don't get pointed in the right direction. Grrrr, rant over....

Onto the curtain?? That's impressive!

So my tummys hurt tonight but more of an all over feels tight inside but not when I touch the outside way. Had a bath earlier as it was pretty bad but that fixed it. Just starting again now. Not in waves though so not contractions, just constant pain

Haven't posted for ages, Congratulations to all those who have had their babies recently, and good luck to those still waiting!

Leah is now 10 days of, and went back into her moses basket after every feed lay night! Only for about an hour maximum but it's an improvement. We propped up the head end a little, put one of my shirts over the mattress, played a white noise app and warmed the sheets with a hot water bottle whilst she was feeding. Doing the exact same tonight and keeping our fingers crossed!

Congrats litleray!

So pleased for you sunshine! Here's to healed nipples and easier feeding. Stick in there girl! Sounds like you've had it so tough. It will be worth it.

Whoever posted above (sorry can't remember and it's another page) about feeding to sleep. I did this ALL the time with DS and he is now a v good sleeper. He goes down no problem. You do what you need to do and it didn't 'create a rod' for me at all. I think I posted a question to that effect on here if you search....prob early June 2012! Responses were similar to mine above! Don't worry!

Grrrrr rant alert!

Dh is really beginning to piss me right off!! He really isnt getting that involved with aurelia. He gets up early, goes to work, comes home and seems to think thats him done and its now his time. I have to ask him to change nappies as he wont do it on his own initiative unless he can really smell poop, i ask him to hold her and tell him to interact with her or he just sits her on his lap and plays on his phone/ipad and if she cries he never checks on her, he just assumes she will want feeding so its my problem. If i was away from her all day would want to hug her when i got home, but he just doesn't.
Then at night he gets in bed and goes to sleep. He doesn't help to settle her, never wakes up to help.
I know he loves her and will be a great dad, he just needs to put some effort in and realise that he doesnt come first anymore and his needs slip further down the list, as do mine.
He also (almost daily) seems to imply that i do nothing and he has to go out to work. Tbh i do more housework in a week than he did when he was out of work, and i have a baby to look after too, plus i have a third degree tear. Now i know i coukd do more around the house but sometimes i want a sit down/nap after being up every 2-3hrs at night (while he snores away)

Hi all, I'm new to mums net and forums generally so please forgive me for any mistakes or going on too long but just wondered if anyone else has had similar experiences and can share any advice.

My story is that DD was born 21st jan following failed induction (as she was 2 weeks overdue) which turned into emergency c section during which I bled due to uterus not contracting and then developed an infection as well. After 2 days on high dependency and several more days in hospital Dd and I came home.

Since being at home DD has not slept at night for more than 2 hours total and will not settle unless being held. Am now exhausted and unable to sleep in day as she has started to refuse to sleep then as well. She also suffers with terrible wind on evening and at night so have started using infacol.

Midwife suspects I have PND as I'm struggling to enjoy any of the experience of being a mum with frequent teary episodes which makes me feel like a terrible person, after all none of this DD fault.

DH is so supportive during day but he struggles to cope with her crying at night and he will be going back to work soon so trying to leave him to sleep if I can.

Am just at a bit of a loss as to what to do with the sleeplessness and I know there is no real answer other than to try to weather the storm but it feels like it will never get better at the moment.

Hi Ellen

Sorry that you didn't have a positive birth experience and that you have had a tough start to Motherhood. It's really difficult.
I won't be much help and am sure one of the other ladies will be more useful but I have a 5 week old and for the first few nights she would only sleep when held which was draining.
She is now much better and sleeps for almost 3 hrs in her moses basket.
Have you tried putting a hot water bottle in to warm her bed before she goes in it. You could also try rolling a towel up and putting it around her (so you confine her) as sometimes they miss being snug like in the womb.

If there is no luck sleeping at night, do you have any friends or relatives who are eager to visit? You can ask them if they could watch her for a bit when they come so you can have a snooze. We were told that in the first few weeks you should only let people visit if they do something for you eg bring some food, do some housework. I know it doesn't work like that but some people would be happy to help.

Oh and it really will get better. You will still have rough times when you want to explode but she will eventually settle and I think at about 6 weeks or so they finally start to figure out that night is night as they are born with their body clocks the wrong way thinking that day is night and night is day (hence why they wake so much at night)

Frizz, when he comes home tonight just punch him really hard in the face.

Actually, I'd have to say something to him. He's not a great dad and he's being a terrible husband too. He really needs to pull his finger out.

Frizz - that isn't on. Tell him.

Ellen - that sounds really tough. I had pnd with my first, if you do have it, it doesn't make you a bad mom.

maybe the baby is over tired? You need to sleep. Could you co-sleep?

Ellen - welcome to mn. My battery about to go on phone but I couldn't read and run. I had a hellish birth with ds1 (13y) which was long labour emergency cs, the pph as uterus failed to contract. I never spoke to.anyone about how crap I felt about it all and it wasn't till ds1 was 10 months did they diagnosed PND and was so severe I was an inpatient in a mother and baby unit. now on reflection I think it was a lot to do with the birth and that perhaps it was more ptsd. I think what I'm saying is that it might help to talk through the birth as often as you need to and to get support in place if need be. Also just because this wasn't the birth you'd hoped for it has no reflection on the wonderful mummy you are. We are all here for you and to listen. its exhausting and emotional with a newborn without having the added trauma of dramatic birth. My little one was also born 21st xx

Frizz you sound like you need a hug (((())))
I definitely think a chat is in order. I think he needs to understand how incredibly overwhelming this has been for you, how hard you have found it, how much the breastfeeding & weight issues have stressed you out & how much you are worrying about how to make your new family work. Men are funny creatures & he probably either doesn't realise or has forgotten how much of a shock to your system this has been. On the flip side he also needs the opportunity to tell you how he feels about the whole process, maybe he's struggling with having gained a child but lost his Frizz as all you do now is look after the baby instead of him? I know this is a ridiculous frame of mind for him to be in but I've heard it from many male friends - they just don't quite appreciate how time consuming & emotionally draining being a Mum is & have no comprehension they might need to move down the pecking order for next, say 43 years

Congratulations/ commiserations/ [tea] to everyone else.

Hi Ellen don't worry you're doing nothing wrong! Your baby sounds exactly like mine 2 weeks ago. Its normal for them to want to be held all the time etc - I was so reassured when I went to local breastfeeding group and real people said so! My HV also pointed out they use sleep deprivation to torture people so it can make everything seem sooo much harder. (not to belittle any suggestion of PND at all by the way, its just sometimes I worry about being worried if you know what I mean, was so relieved when she reminded me that 2 hours sleep does not make you feel serene and earth mothery)
I'm sure lots of people who know much more than me can give you some advice but here's what helped so far:

Co-sleeping - said I'd never do it, but rented NCT bed nest to make safe space and it means we can get some sleep. Neither of us smoke though so it makes it eas
ier. Also reading "Three in a bed" is very reassuring!

Get out of the house - honestly, the first day we did my littlie slept for 2 1/2 hours - I was so worried that I'd broken him but think fresh air/change of scene really helped - and I felt tonnes better too. Pram/sling/car anything.

A cross baby in the evening may not be wind - might just be a tired fussy baby - we definitely thought it must be wind, but have since realised he just gets tired and fractious and tends to cluster feed in the evening.

And last thing - people on here have been so helpful that every baby is different - it was reading that someone's first had slept like a dream in the moses basket but no 2 had been a velcro baby sleep refuser. It made me realise it wasn't "me" and everybody is muddling through getting to know their baby

Good luck!

Thanks ladies. I do want to punch him in the face sometimes. He can be such a pain and then he has great moments. It feels like when I freak out at him he pulls his finger out. This morning he has told me to have a duvet day and to make a list of things that need doing round the house so he can help when he gets home. Then he is going to come on the bus with me on Sunday so I am ready for my solo outing next week.
I wonder if he is scared of this baby stuff as he doesn't know what she wants and is scared he is doing something wrong.
I told him that I want help overnight on Fri and Sat nights as he isn't at work the next day. I am fine doing the nights alone in the week but expect help when he isn't working.

I agree re holding baby when they need it, Co sleep, nurse to sleep basically baby led = less stress and more rest for all imo. I have done this with all dc but more from dc2 onwards as with ds1 lots of pressure re cio, weaning etc and I think first time parents are put under a hell of a lot of (unnecessary) pressure

frizz - not a lot to add but men can revert to be quite childish with new babies. xx

I will definitely have a word with him and space you could be right that he feels we have lost each other as everything is about bubs now. I'll have to think of something we could do as a couple that will remind him that I still love him loads it's just at the moment I am a very sleepy milk machine.