Graduated Elderberries. Thread 9

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting or just had their first baby.

Quod I think at about 8 weeks, the amount of colostrum in BM (which has a laxative effect) reduces dramatically. When this happened to me, E suddenly went from doing about 4 poos per day to one every 4/5 days and I was told it was completely normal as most of the BM is used by the body so there is very little waste. I think some EBF babies can go 3 weeks!

Purple sorry to hear you have wine flu. After I posted that link for Alex yesterday, I was having a read of it myself and I noticed it says that babies who have a positive experience of going to sleep (feeding, cuddles, rocking, etc.) sleep better and for longer in the long term so I really wouldn't worry about feeding L to sleep and just enjoy the cuddles while she is little. Unfortunately E is difficult will only feed to sleep during night feeds unless she is completely knackered.

Been to baby clinic and E is now humongous 20lb 1oz. She's gone up another few centiles on the chart and is now in the middle of the 91st and 98th lines. HV's say not to worry though.

I really hope it's not the wine, it just doesn't bear thinking about, I've already had to give up smoking and caffeine, I need SOMETHING left to enjoy! Perhaps it's just a badly timed bug.

Cavort, what are you feeding that kid! It's nice to hear she's thriving so well. L is back for her next weigh in tomorrow but I'm positive it will be good, she's developed a very slightly pudgy tummy for the first time and no longer looks quite so much like a lollipop.

Oh and I'm glad I'm not breaking her on the sleep front, I have quite a relaxed attitude about sleep and lack of routine and I do sometimes wonder if I'm unwittingly making a rod for my own back in the future.

Purple that's good to hear she's fattening up. FX for another decent gain tomorrow. E seems to be a bottomless pit when it comes to food - I just can't fill her up! I asked the HV this morning if I should be restricting how much she has and they said no, just follow her lead and let her have as much as she wants. If she follows her current centile line she will be 24lbs at 12 months and DH was mahoosive 28lbs when he reached 12 months so I think she just takes after Daddy.

Why have you given up caffeine? Fair enough while pg but surely now is ok? I drink loads of wine and it's fine so i'm sure it's just a bug or dodgy food.

Purple quote from ISIS...

"Adding to the pressure on (often already sleep-deprived) parents, popular parenting advice books, and advice from well-meaning friends, family, and other sources can lead parents to believe that if they don't 'sleep train' their baby, he or she will be unable to learn to sleep for longer, or through the night, of his or her own accord. The well-worn phrase "making a rod for your own back", often used in relation to parents rocking, feeding or cuddling their babies to sleep, is an example of this. In response, many parents try to put their babies down to sleep alone, only to find that their babies have other ideas, and object -- loudly! The end result of this process is, in many cases, parents who feel that they/their babies have 'sleep problems' when, in fact, their baby's sleep (including waking at night) may be entirely normal for his or her age, and stage of development."

So carry on as you are, you (and we all) are doing a great job!

Agreed. Just do what suits you and your baby. For us a routine suits - M is clearly a creature of habit and much happier with regular naps and routines - but if he wasn't I wouldn't try to enforce one. He's always much grouchier if we oversleep and everything happens too late or whatever. Same with self settling, he was able to do it early doors (possibly due to the first three days of his life being in NICU with no hugs ) so I've just made sure he's been able to continue to do it. I would never ever leave him to cry or force him to "learn" it as a "skill". I always feed him to sleep in the middle of the night, and apart from the general knackeredness, I love those middle of the night cuddles and am sure he does too.

If I'm honest I do think there's an element of the rod for your own back thing once they're older, and can understand properly the difference between day and night etc, but we are all a long way off that.

I love that ISIS site. I know V is just a normal baby. Yes, there are some wakings, but I manage just fine and V seems fine too. I don't want to sleep train him, unless I believe that this is what's best for him.

But everybody and their dog keeps telling us how we must put him in his own room immediately, how we have to leave him cry, how we must not feed or cuddle and "Oh just give him to me for a week and he'll sleep, you'll see, ha ha". Just like it's some kind of personal insult to them that he does nto sleep through the night. Why is it anybody else's business anyway?

I seem to have developed a caffeine intolerance, normal tea now gives me stomach cramps and the shits I used to live on the stuff but it just makes me ill now so I'm desperately hoping wine isn't the same!

It's good here, I think I'm a lazy can't be bothered parent who is doing it all wrong and then you show me research that tells me my half arsed approach is actually good. Always makes me feel better

Hazle- everyone has an opinion when you've got a baby, drives me bonkers. I just smile and nod and totally ignore them.

Rough night over here, yawn, and I'm out of concealer.

quod once I got over feeling sick with envy at your night, I wondered what you did at 8.45pm - a boob feed before and then into her bed for the night? Does she stay with you - TV/lamps on or off? Currently we only try to put S in her babybay when we go to bed (around 11) - am wondering if we should at least be trying to put her into bed earlier. I'm also wondering if I should try going to sleep then if she manages it then, in case she's up and distressed later, but then I feel like I've had no evening with DH.

purple sorry you weren't well, I don't think it's the wine though. What a horrific thought if we had to give that up!

I would either smile and nod, or more likely tell people that no, I'm doing it like that because most recent research claims this is best. Or because it's my baby and I raise him the way I deem fit.We as mothers had time (during pregnancy) to get used to the idea that as babies are concerned, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one and they're often full of shit.

Main trouble is that most people won't say anything to me, but try to convince DH that we're doing it wrong. So DH thinks that just because the GP or childminder or someone with kids says something, then this is gospel. And we are damaging the baby if we don't do as they say. He has the best intentions, of course, just needs to realise that thing about opinions..

The other day MIL told me to let S cry it out when I was having lunch and she kicked off in her pram, and then I felt like a pushover going to get her, but you have to do things your way.

It is hard when people make comments as all babies are different so a textbook approach doesn't work unfortunately. I like hearing what other people did but there's a difference between talking about what worked well for them and telling you what you "should" do as if there's a right and wrong for all babies.

Alex even the biggest advocates of controlled crying/CIO say to not even attempt it until six months? Poor S is a teeny tiny baby and of course you should rush and cuddle her if she's upset ignore your bloody MIL

By the way, as expecting berries seem to have their own thread, we should probably move ours to Post-Natal clubs next time we start a new one.

Alex that is annoying with your MIL. Mine keeps banging on about giving her water. I have told her that its not recommended anymore but she keeps on. Ignore ignore.

Re last night, we are feeling our way as each evening is different, but currently we seem to have a tendency towards grizzle/short feed/fall asleep at boob/short nap/wake up grizzly and overtired and repeat that goes on throughout the early evening. Yesterday at 8.45 she had passed out on the boob again and I let her sleep on my chest. About an hour later she seemed to be out for the count so I put her in her bed and got into bed next to her to read, and passed out myself within about 10 minutes! I don't have the same issue as you with evenings as DP works at home so we see each other all day, so evenings I quite often go to bed early and he will stay up with her if needs be and often do the midnight/1am feed with a bottle. But like I say we are feeling our way as each evening is different.

Hazle - that's exactly what my OH does, believes what anyone tells him, it's all 'my mum says...' Yes, well your mum is wrong, and that bloke you were talking to at work that knows all about kids because he had two about 20 years ago? He isn't a bloody expert either. Drives me mad and if it's not the baby it's the bloody dogs 'so and so has got a dog and he says...' Drives me bananas, he never listens to me though even if I actually know what I'm talking about!

Purple at least yours listens to someone! Mine refuses to listen to any research findings, dismissing it as 'stuff off the internet'. In fact, the only opinion he will consider with regard to raising children is 'common sense' or in other words, whatever he thinks.

He will then, after dismissing whatever information I have brought to the table, tell me that I should be 'intelligent enough' to know not to trust research.

I keep ending up with nail marks on my palms from the frustration.

Are you feeling better now Purple? Re evil food not wine not OH.

And Lol H hasn't pooed since Sunday. Will give him a massage this evening to try and get things moving.

Agree re moving to postnatal btw Hazle.

We had a poo this morning. Dh did the nappy and said it was absolutely vile. That's unlucky for him
Gave L carrot today and she seemed to enjoy it. And we also had second poo. Not bad but the farting has become unbearable!!!!
Don't get me started on crap mil advice!!! Mine asked me how long I plan to let her go hungry until I give her formula
Agree re post natal. It's about time we are brave enough!

To be fair, apart from the idiotic comment about us getting rid of the dogs when I first got pregnant, my MIL is pretty good. Bear, you're a saint, my OH is an idiot but if he said that to me I swear he'd get a smack around the face with a shovel.

I'm feeling a lot better thanks, must have been a dodgy bit of steak right?

Hello berries. Apologies for barging in!

Im a berry from the copter 21+4. was hoping you wouldn't mind giving a bit of advice! (possibly a bit of a stupid question! )

im planning on getting baby the sleeping bag/grobag things for sleeping but hav read that baby can be too small for them to start with.
so I will get some blankets too, cotton not fleece.
Do I need a sheet as well? I hav a fitted crib sheet for under baby but do I need a sheet then a blanket on top? I cant seem to find flat, crib size sheets?

TIA

Hi Puppy, how's it going in the copter?
No you won't need a sheet for on top - they'll probably just kick it off anyway! A couple of cotton/woollen/cellular blankets that you can rotate will do you. You'll find out what your baby likes when they get here - mine likes being swaddled in a woolly blanket, anything else she kicks off in 5 mins flat. She's still too little for grobags which start at 8.5lb I think.

Hi Puppy, I think Grobags are suitable from about 8lbs so baby shouldn't be too small for long, but most of us swaddled initially as most newborns seem to like it. No, don't use top sheets, just layer cellular (holey) blankets if it's cold. That way baby can still breathe if they wriggle under the covers.

hmm, blankets and sheets. might need some of them!

I swaddled Harvey for about 90 seconds, his screaming and struggling convinced me by that point that he was not a fan We used blankets, I used the fleecy ones rolled up down the side of his crib to make him feel more snug and secure and a couple over him for warmth. He was in the sleeping bags pretty soon though as he was 7lb 8oz when he was born so almost big enough for them. I also recommend a fleecy babygrow until bubs is big enough for a sleeping bag, H still loves his.

I feel sick as a dog. YAY! It wasn't the wine!

Waves to Puppymummy (in answer to your question - what everyone else said ) I like new baby questions though, I think it's the only time I feel like I know what I'm talking about!