Graduated Elderberries - Thread 8

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting/just given birth to their first little bundle of joy.

Thread 8 already!!

I've decided I'm not going to get dressed today. My own little duvet day at home. Am knackered and think I need to doze when he does. Yawn. He's 16 weeks on Fri so I really really hope this is the 4 month thing or else I dread to think how bad the next month might be

Cavort - does sound like a bit of a day/night confusion thing. What an arse. Have absolutely no idea what you're supposed to do about that. Does she have the same bedtime routine each night?

Yes every night is bath, feed, cuddles then bed starting about an hour after she last woke up, which usually ends up getting her to sleep between 7-7.30pm. She goes to sleep well at bedtime and stays asleep until around 2am but then 2-7am is a bit of a hit and miss situation where sometimes she sleeps and sometimes she doesn't but at the moment she increasingly doesn't and therefore neither do I. After 2am she wakes to feed and I put her back down drowsy and she then slowly wakes herself up by waving her arms and legs around and constantly spitting the dummy out instead of going back to sleep. But if she wakes before 2am she will go back to sleep easily, it's bloody baffling! A bit of research suggests it could be because of her under developed Circadian Rhythms which can take up to a year to mature, but because it's only started happening recently I think it's more likely to be a developmental leap or sleep regression. This definition certainly sounds familiar in our house at the moment! She is currently close to sitting up on her own so it could be that as sleep is acknowledged to regress at developmental milestones.

Duvet day sounds like a great idea

Pregnancy hormones are crazy right? I've just been crying because a baby tiger died at London zoo!

cavort sorry Elodie is such a late night party girl at the moment, hope she calms down and starts working out when it's nighttime!

Just had my 34 week midwife app and the baby is head down yay! It's having a real wriggle today but she said they usually stay down so pleased about that. Oh and try not to worry too much about average bump size/centiles etc as I freaked out about my teeny headed baby at one scan only to be told they weren't concerned at the next. I think it really does vary. Anyway she was a good midwife today and pregnant so I quizzed her on what she's doing birth plan wise. She seemed really confident on the head down position

Good news on head down baby Alex! Can't believe you're 34 weeks, where has the time gone?

Just taken Lucy to HV for weigh in and she's dropped down the graph again to 2nd percentile. Got to go back in two weeks to check she's not dropped again but not sure what more I can do with a baby who is fed on demand

Purple I thought she was always on second and as long as they follow a line there is no problem?
I've read somewhere about feeding them even when they don't ask for it ie every time they have a whinge you offer the breast. That would not only increase your milk supply but she may get a few extra drops here and there. I don't know about you but there is never a time when I offer it and she refuses it. She will at least suck for a bit. Might be worth a try?

Oh and we will have more babies soon! You're all over 30 weeks.
Unless the new berries join us we will have no pregnant berries left and will have no excuse but to move into post natal

Back from growth scan and all v normal here too, baby is breech currently but lots of room to turn still. Ours has got a slightly large head but 'won't be tall' according to scanning midwife! Very reassuring overall. We also got a chance to pop our heads round the birth unit, which was great as they don't officially run tours any more. Amazing 'garden room' overlooking the Houses of Parliament - really hoping I stay low-risk enough to be in there.

Glad your appt went well too Alex. I fear we are going to get one of these all-night-party babies if current movement patterns are anything to go by. I have had 4am can-can waking me up pretty much every night for a while...

Well it might be tall - my brother was a small baby, had a few growth spurts growing up and is now well over 6 foot! I was the opposite, huge baby but just average size now! Glad it went well, haven't seen our birth centre yet but I'm sure I'll get to see it at some point (even if that turns out to be at the birth!) Are you at st Thomas by the way?

Hope mine stays put now it's in that position! I've got a real wriggler and party animal too at the moment!

quod mine was breach for ages, he turned by 30 something weeks though and has been head down ever since. I swear he does the little cat paw needing thing on my bladder now...little minx.

Im actually really touched, had my leaving lunch today even though Thurs is my last day got a lovely card, a gorgeous little hoody with hears....too cute! A dummy with a mostache....from the men in the office. And £100 in vouchers. I'm quite shocked, didn't realise they thought so much of me Shame you have to leave to feel appreciated though.

hears = ears....doh

Ah your work sound lovely mother! Mine on the other hand have asked why I need to go for midwife apps just to find out about position (I told them it's standard!) and they've basically said they can't afford full time cover for my maternity leave as they can't justify a full time in house salary at the moment, so basically that means they can't afford me at the moment or to have me back full time!

alex that sucks!!!! My midwife appointments are luckily close by so I've had all 9am appointments meaning I'm in the office by 9.45 latest, they have to give you time off by law though!

My boss isnt getting anyone new in, my work is being shared around colleagues, I know thats a bad idea and am pretty sure it will all go tits up but they can deal with that fall out! Its been made clear that I am welcome back sooner rather than later though. Sorry your work are being so totally pants! As if life isnt stressful enough already huh!

It's really weird - they keep saying how are they going to manage without me and panicking, but it sounds like it's to do with overall finances rather than my specific workload/clients which seems unfair! At the same time, I guess it would be hard to go back full time with a commute anyway so am going to try to take it as it comes!

DH got confused when I said the baby was head down and it was good news - he got all happy and said "oh does that mean the baby's coming soon!" Not sure he was paying attention in NCT after all!

Hello all. Alex that's illegal to make your ft position redundant while you're off I'm sure!

Mother so glad they are giving you a good send off - I just washed the sleepsuits they got us this morning, coincidentally :)

And Quod I think I saw that garden room last year on the coverage of the jubilee river pageant. Was so beautiful. Fingers crossed for you.

H sleeps from 945/10 til 9am ish, usually waking at about 230 and 6 and 730. DP thinks that I have a need to hold him all night which is causing lots of arguments. He just feeds himself to sleep - and once he comes off the boob I give him 15 minutes to be sure he is out. By then tho we're usually off to bed ourselves so no point risking an upstairs sleep (risk as in that he'd wake up) just before we go to bed.

Have tried giving him an expressed bottle at night but we're either timing it wrong or just don't have enough to offer as I've had to top him up myself.

Mama berries what happened immediately after the birth? It's dawned on me that wr were a bit abandoned but that may be normal.

After surgery shenanigans I was taken to a recovery bay with H. I was naked apart from a bikini top and had blankets elsewhere. There was no cot so ended up holding H until we got to the ward 6 hours later. H was also naked apart from a woolly hat and a blanket. When we got to the bay, a midwife got me some squash and then basically left.

I hadn't realised that our bags were in the bay with us. DP eventually asked if I minded if he went home at about 530 as he was falling asleep and getting crabby. I said ok, thinking there wasn't much I could do until heading to the ward anyway. About 2 hours later I staryed worrying that H was still naked. I eventually asked the mw looking after the newly delivered twins next door to help me reach the bags. I was still pretty much paralysed from the spinal tho I managed to bend my knees enough to rest H on them. She was a bit horrified DP had gone home.

I didn't see my mw again til she finished her shift at 8 (she'd delivered another baby) and at about 830 another mw came to help me get dressed and gave me a bed bath.

I was mad at DP for not dressing the baby (he knew the bags were behind my bed) and for abandoning us (even though I said yes - damn pethidine). But then noone told him or encouraged him to and we didn't see anyone for hours. Is it normal to be abandoned after birth? Did any of your midwives encourage/tell DP to be useful? I'm a bit baffled by it all, even 12 weeks on.

Oops sorry for the essay

Brave that sounds rubbish. It must be hard for you to untangle where to place blame with partner for lack of support and where to blame hospital, but the hospital post-natal care sounds pretty woeful which doesn't get anything off to a good start. Putting you somewhere with no cot for six hours straight after birth when you are post-surgery surely can't be protocol. It doesn't sound like either of you were supported at all - surely if he's been up all night he can't also be expected to sole-nurse you and baby for 6 hours? I am contrasting this with a good male friend's experience where the midwives wouldn't let him drive home as he'd been awake so long and made sure he was settled in a pull-out bed to get a couple of hours sleep after a long night labour. Sounds like they were understaffed and under-bedded and had got used to relying on birth partners looking after women.

I'm afraid my experience of postnatal care want good either, I think the postnatal wards are chronically understaffed (though I was well cared for whilst in labour - I'm not trying to scare anyone). My advice to all pg berries would be to get your DP to make sure you can reach the bed button, call button and anything else you might need before they go as you may be left alone for a lot of hours before anyone comes to check on you and even then they check on the baby not you so speak up if you need something (unlike me who was in a right old mess until OH turned up)

What did all the berry mummies think of their midwives? I've noticed a range in the quality and experience of the midwives I've seen in antenatal and triage and I'm aware it probably makes quite a difference to your labour and birth. I've heard if you don't like/trust your midwife, you can ask for someone else but I guess you'd feel rude doing that, and if no one else is available, then you'd be stuck with the same one, just feeling more awkward!

From what I've heard postnatal care is often pretty dreadful. I guess when services are stretched they are going to put all resources up front where it matters, at delivery, and then hope for the best afterwards :(

Alex yes I am at St T's. I've met maybe 6 midwives so far from the community team and at the hospital (including one male midwife, who was lovely), and have liked all of them. It must be a right downer if you get one that you don't like though.

There's actually a quite depressing thread in Childbirth now with a lot of people complaining about post-natal care...(as well as other aspects)...

Brave your postnatal care does sound like it was all over the place. For us, immediately after birth (and the obligatory tea and toast) we were left alone for a couple of hours still in the room on the CLU, then a HCA came in and gave me a bed bath before transferring us to a postnatal ward about 3 hours after birth where DH was (politely) told he couldn't stay, so he put everything I was likely to need where I could reach them (as I was still immobile from epidural) and went home about 4.30am. A MW stuck their head in to check on us probably 3 or 4 times before DH came back to pick us up about 10am, so in retrospect I think our postnatal care was not brilliant but was just ok considering we didn't have any problems other than waiting for my epidural to wear off. I should probably mention that I thought the care we received in labour and birth was excellent. I can't fault a single aspect of it. Just a note on dressing the baby - when birth was imminent the MW asked DH to get a nappy, babygrow and hat ready to put on as soon as she was born, and the HCA who did my bed bath helped me get dressed into clean PJ's afterwards. Before that I just had a hospital gown on.

Alex I was more than happy with every MW I saw, but if I hadn't been I would have asked for a different one.

Well Elodie went to sleep at 7.10pm so I've had dinner, done a bit of housework, just off for a shower and then bed ready for tonight's fun and games. Rock & Roll! I know it's not forever but I do feel like I am currently stuck in a sleep-deprived groundhog day.

My post natal was also not great however not as bad as yours, brave. Baby was dressed after I was stitched up and I was given a bath before being moved. I had to ask for food as I was hungry and all I'd had was a piece of toast and was left alone for the whole night. I did ask the mw to help me feed her as she was not latching on one breast and was told I had to do it myself so that was not helpful.
My antenatal varied. I liked two of mws and thought one of them was total crap. Unfortunately she was the one I saw the most .
Triage was fab and so was delivery. I felt very well looked after and even chose to have a student mw deliver baby as she was absolutely lovely!

Hmm thanks for the input. I think it partly might have been because I was on the labour ward at that point, but in a recovery side-ward. The other woman in had had an emergency c section for her breech twins - bizarrely I have a memory of the registrar coming in to ask the consultant if he would do the section and the consultant told him to do it himself! In the morning, two women were in for elcs and they were getting marvellous treatment- very chilled out, jolly chats with the surgeons.

The midwife (s) I had during labour - the last one especially - was amazing. So calm when everything kicked off, was honest about everything ('this thing is about to hurt, they're going to do this, use the gas and air') and all this despite being 25 weeks pg herself!

Couldn't fault her.

The actual postnatal ward was seriously understaffed with midwives and student midwives under enormous pressure dealing with mountains of paperwork. But I will never forget the lovely midwife assistant who wrapped H up and got him to sleep in a crib when I was out of my mind with exhaustion. I got 2 and a half hours sleep - felt like a new woman.

2 of the community midwives I liked, 1 was a bit dismissive.

I had a midwife and student with me constantly in labour and I ended up with anaesthetists, doctors and a whole merry circus round me so I was very well cared for when it really mattered and it's not that the staff were unpleasant on the postnatal ward, I just don't think there can have been nearly enough of them as like bear, my postnatal care was pretty shocking. Anyway, I solved the issue by discharging myself

I'm on the fourth feed tonight. Fourth!!!!!!