Graduated Elderberries - Thread 8

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting/just given birth to their first little bundle of joy.

Thread 8 already!!

Where is he sleeping? In the basket?!!! I could not manage that for a few weeks!!
What if you had him ok your bed with you so as you don't have to get up?
The thought of oh going back to work will be scary and you will also need to take it day by day. I had a massive panic when my mum left - she was here 7 weeks- and so far have been fine!
Agree on small bf goals. You will see that each day will be a bit easier than the previous one. But also don't beat yourself about it if you decide to mix feed.
Hope tonight is a good one. And if it's not I'm sure a few of us will be here to keep you company

Yep he is in the swinging crib next to our bed, annoyingly it only fits one way so I have to get up to pick him up (yes I'm lazy). I would worry having him in our bed.

Just done an epic feed with wee man, he has been changed and is in his crib, just waiting for him to go off before I get back into bed, currently he is farting like a trouper. Hoping he'll settle himself.

Hey Mother, as everyone else has said it's totally normal. Part growth spurt, part milk order being placed, part nature's way of preventing mastitis type problems.

It only lasts a couple of days and then settles down til around day 10. It is incredibly tough but does get better.

You could try safe cosleeping to help, or could try expressing to give yourself a little break.

Honestly though I'm a bit concerned that you're doing all the lifting and settling - I was under the impression that it was vital to not strain the stitches for at least a couple of weeks and that your OH really should be picking him up, bringing him to you, then settling him back down after.

Yes it's hard work but you're recovering from major surgery - any problems now will set you back and he might need to stay off longer than 2 weeks. Paternity leave is to help you, not a 2-week holiday!

Hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but he really needs to help you with this. Janey you had a section, am I tripping here or isn't this the general expectation?

Have been awake since 3am and I don't even have a baby yet
Hope all night feeds are passing quickly and berry babies are going back to sleep. Bizarre to think of berries all over the country awake in the middle of the night and that I will be soon doing night feeds too

lol merk there's always a few of us up at this time!! Can't complain though. My little one slept from 8 till now so is currently guzzling it down like there's no tomorrow
How u doing mother??

Hey mother

As everyone has said the feeding is totally, totally normal. Hard work, but passes quickly.

If you choose to give a bottle (expressed or formula) to give yourself a break then in my experience do it without guilt or worry; have given miles one bottle a day since the start (partly forced to due to his NICU stay, partly through choice as I wanted DP to feel more involved and to be able to have more freedom myself at a later date) and he's has never had nipple confusion. My health visitor said that if most of his feeds throughout the day were from the boob, and just one from a bottle, there was no way he would lose his ability to breast feed. And now I thankfully have a baby who will drink from bottle or boob, formula or expressed, warm or cold from fridge gosh we are lazy

In terms of lifting, all the advice is to not lift anything other than the baby for the first few weeks. I stuck to this and had no issues at all and healed well and quickly. The only thing is that the movement of getting in and out of bed was, for me, precisely the movement that caused pain. Thankfully as I was hoping for an elcs we bought a cosleeper cot, anticipating that it would be hard for me to get in and out of bed. Even with that for the first week or so DP and I swapped sides of the bed and he did the twisting involved to get the baby into and out of our bed.

I'm sure that getting up and down, if you do it very slowly and carefully, won't do you any harm. However it will be painful and exhausting. As such I really do agree with others that in the absence of a cosleeper cot, or having baby in with you, it would be enormously helpful for your DP to do that bit for you. You will recover quickly I promise so soon it will be no effort for you to do it, but in the meantime I think his help would be invaluable. If you really do want to do it yourself, please just be very slow and careful getting in and out of bed - you really don't want to strain anything.

Recovery wise though things will get better very quickly, I promise. I know it's pretty sore but if you take it easy (but still keep active) you'll feel remarkably better within a few days. I felt totally normal again within three or four weeks apart from slight tenderness around the incision.

Oh and lol and soooooooo jealous of your sleep.

mother I didn't want to sleep in the same bed either at first, was terrified I would roll over him (highly unlikely). But if getting out of bed is so painful, maybe one of those baby sleep nest thingies would be a solution? www.sleepyheadwebshop.com/en/products/sleepyhead/sleepyhead-pink.html?grp=581842

Viki had a play date yesterday and went swimming as well - then drank a whole bottle in the afternoon and slept through the night. Might just be a coincidence, or maybe the trick is just to get him tired enough. Will try.

But breastfeeding is getting quite interesting again - if he's into it, he will be done in 10 minutes. If not, then he will do everything else - kick, grab, punch, scratch, ooh look what's there, ooh what was that noise - it's like trying to feed an octopus.

Mother could you and DH swap sides of the bed and both of you sleep with your head at the feet end, enabling you to get the crib the other way round?
Hope you managed some sleep this morn x

Wow Hazle that sounds like it could be progress! And would it be wrong that I sniggered a little at octopus feeding time?

H is very easily distracted now and he keeps changing his cries so feeding here is becoming a challenge!

Any mama berries doing KIT days or planning to? DP was asking about them yesterday. Shamefully I'd pretty much forgotten about them but I think this is partly due to realising that I actually don't like my job any more and would rather stick my fingers in my ears and go lalala than confront the issue.

Anyone know how you arrange them? Is it usually a HR thing or a line manager thing?

I really don't want to do any :(

You don't have to do any at all I don't think? Was under the impression you're totally entitled to say no. I might do a few as the cash would come in very handy but am def not considering doing any for a while...

Hazle - impressive sleep. I was pleased with Miles for only waking at 1.50, 3, 4 and 5.30 hope he's turning a corner feeding wise too!

Good news Hazle, I hope he keeps it up! Feeding here is also interesting, except the distraction is to pull off the boob and grin at me until I grin back and then she'll carry on for a few seconds until doing the same again.

Brave I can't see the point in doing any KIT days as I don't know if i'll be going back to my current job. I popped into work yesterday to do my company car expenses and for a brew and a gossip with my department and I do really miss everybody, but I don't know if missing the people is a good enough reason to go back to a job which isn't baby-friendly. I think I will continue to bury my head in the sand for a while longer.

More good sleeping from Lara Lol. We had another bad one. E was asleep by at 19.30, then she woke for an hour 12.00-01.00 and then got up for the day at 05.10. I just can't figure her night feeding out. She quite regularly now just wakes for a feed around 4am, but last night she seemed starving at midnight even though nothing in her (loose) routine has changed.

brave funnily enough I accidentally got into the kit days chat the other day with my work. Did my handover notes and added little comments next to the magazine features I was in the middle of like "I'm happy to carry on with this to see it through if I can" - my mistake as should never have offered to carry on with any of it and was being overly conscientious without thinking things through! (I actually meant I would just do a bit more unpaid while on mat leave, silly I know). Then my boss replied offering me a suggested mat leave day rate and saying she'd speak to the accountant about how it works. And my other boss sent a note saying it was great I'm happy to carry on doing some work pre-baby and they'll confirm how it will work and work load etc! So I have just been totally honest and said I can't do any this week (which is technically annual leave anyway) and let's speak next Monday but I don't want to make any promises (especially as DH really thinks I should relax prebaby especially as I have things in the diary and we're still finishing the house/trying to buy a car etc).

Anyway I am rambling but I THINK the situation is you can work 10 days max over the whole mat leave and agree a rate with the employer. You can absolutely refuse and don't have to work any days.

I know I don't have to do any but the money would be useful and I don't think I'll be able to go from doing nothing one week to full time the next.

I'm just feeling generally terrible that I have to go back at all (I know it's a bit late now and I don't have any other options) and DP reminding me about KIT days has got me quite upset.

I might see if I can arrange a proper meeting with the boss before Christmas (sans baby). Besides everything else, everything has changed since I've left. Maybe if I know what's going on I'll feel less out of control?

Sorry if this is really insensitive Hazle. You're doing amazing juggling everything!

Not insensitive at all, this 3 month maternity leave is absolutely ridiculous. If someone told me 10 years ago that I would go back so early, I would never have believed them. I can't say that we don't have other options, there are always other options, but this is simply the most reasonable one.

I've told you that in Estonia the leave is 3 years, but only 1,5 years is paid (full previous salary). So there is serious judging going on if someone goes back to work after 1,5 years - what to you mean need money? Couldn't you stretch the pay so you could stay home for the full 3 years?? Tsk.

It's not easy and I miss the little guy terribly. But I manage, you will as well.

I've been invited to a kit day next week but refused it as it clashed with swimming. Seemed nice though- a conference with company updates and babies are welcome!
My little chicken has a cold and is more clingy than ever
Hazle you never seem to amaze me. Super woman!!!!

Erm meant you never fail to amaze me lol

I already dread going back to work, can only imagine how hard it is!

I am trying to be careful, I dont have stitches Im all glued so dont have the worry of burst stitches at least. My fella has been amazing so far but seemd mean getting him up at night just to pass me bubs. The huge amount of pillows really realpy helped.

Had a good night actually. Fed him at 9pm and he slept till 12.45, then it all went a bit awry, basically fed from 12.45-3.15, we also had a nappy change and wind issue in the middle so wasnt all feeding. He finally went down at 3.30ish and slept till 8.30, fed again and slept till midday. Really can't moan about that.

The midwife turned up yesterday and checked my scar and bubs and altho I'm quitw bruised she was happy. Phew.

Sending get well wishes lol. I agree Hazel you are superwoman!

I am glad things seem a bit more manageable today Mother. Don't be afraid to moan to us - you've been through a lot, it's hardly surprising you feel low at times. Great to hear how supportive your DP is being.

I am going to have to do my KIT days and then some - partly because my company has a major funding application underway which will potentially set us up for the next 5 years (and I need to have an input), partly because I can't afford not to. DP and I had a convo this pm (only half-jokingly) about me going back to work and him being the SAHP because his income is looking so dire at the mo :(

Well OH has just given Harvey a bottle for the first time. Nothing to do with me in the end, I'm actually really positive today! But think he wants to be able to feed him, esp when he goes back to work, it'll be nice for him to be able to feed him in the evening.

I am feeling slightly wronged by my son kidding that he didnt bat an eyelid and took the bottle without an issue. Little traitor

I'm really glad that it would seem we now have options, at least if I have a bad day he can help.

BUT......my boobs then felt huge....ooops. Was glad when he needed his next feed.

I'm glad you feel better mother! Did you express any milk or gave him formula? I know what you mean about the boobs! I had to get up to express yesterday as I was in agony and leaking like a tap!
Been woken up by a coughing / snoring baby and dh so now can't sleep

Formula, seemed the best option as then my OH can do it himself if needed. With expressing I worry that it still has the emphasis on me.

lol just been up expressing as I was leaking like a tap exactly as you said. Got up to feed him and both bobs were wet one was actually dripping as I prepared to feed him....hum I make such an attractive sight. Extra easy feed for Harvey though!