Graduated Elderberry Pavlovas - Thread 7

[Cavort]

Newly diffed right through to new Mums. A thread for the over 30's expecting their first baby.

was buying some more clothes for Vic and discovered that apparently in France, tights are for girls only (leggings are acceptable). Same in the UK?
In Northern Europe both boys and girls wear them, they are so practical in the winter, no bare feet due to lost socks or gaps between socks and trousers. So I'm about to either shock or educate the local parents, as Victor will definitely be wearing tights. Might get a pair like that to convince people that tights come in very "boy" designs as well: www.babyjoy.se/1078-bla-gron-babystrumpbyxa-halkskydd-sockcompagniet.html

Ok, genuine question about division of labour if people are saying they don't mind taking it on when on maternity leave as maybe I'm being unreasonable?

I do all (and I mean ALL) of the cleaning, washing, shopping, washing up, cooking, baby care including all of the getting up in the night.
We have a dog each but I am the only person who ever brushes them, cleans up the poo, flea treats, fetches dog food etc. I also do everything for the cats including litter trays.
I do the business banking, he wants me to take on doing all of his VAT returns as well and all the filing, I fetch thing he needs, pick him up from customers houses when he's dropping cars off etc as and when needed. I make his lunch and take it to his work every day at lunch time.
I appreciate he works long hours but basically I am on my own 6 days a week caring for a baby with no help at all. His contribution is to cuddle her for about three hours at night while I make dinner and clean up after then while he's watching tv before bed. I don't think this is fair as all he seems to do is come home from work and make a mess of the things I've cleaned, eat, sleep then leave again. I don't think he has any idea how full time a job looking after a baby is. I think he thinks I sit on the sofa all day, this makes me want to kill him. Am I wrong?

Oh and as another aside, he still hasn't sorted out a bank card for me so I pay for all of the food shopping, petrol, nappies etc out if my SMP, by the time I've done this and paid my car loan there is nothing left for me. He says if I need something I only have to ask. I think that's pretty bloody unreasonable too.

I have never seen a little boy in tights but I can't see a reason why they shouldn't wear them. As you say, it's just another part of society's insistence that boys and girls should wear defined colours and items, which of course is rubbish. In a similar vein, I have been getting Elodie some 3-6m stuff for colder weather and have just bought jeans and trousers to wear with vests and jumpers (without hoods - why would you dress a baby in a hooded jumper when the hood will just get in the way? She has a hooded pram suit for when it's cold). I just can't be arsed with the faff of impractical 'girly' dresses and skirts. And I wouldn't go shopping on, say, an ordinary Tuesday afternoon wearing frills, bows and ribbons so I don't see why a baby should.

YANBU Purple, I also want to kill him just from what you've described.

You take his lunch to him every day?!!

Your description made me think of this.

Do you think he just doesn't realise how much you do, or does he but doesn't care? Why should he spend 3 hours a day playing with Lucy when I bet you don't have time to? And she will grow up to associate Daddy with playing and fun, while Mummy is the boring one who is always doing chores, takes her to the boring supermarket and makes her tidy her mess up.

Maybe write down everything you do over the week and ask him if he thinks it's a fair distribution?

And you absolutely should never have to degrade yourself by asking him for money

Ha! That's brilliant Cavort!
He doesn't realise AND he doesn't care. He would happily live in filth (and did before I moved in) so he doesn't see the need to do most of the stuff I do. If I complain he says 'just don't do it, there's no point, it's only going to get dirty again'.

purple you are not being unreasonable!!!! I do the housework, shopping he cannot be trusted, cooking, bills, washing, dog walking, bushing, poo picking, but I draw the line at making his lunch -if he's hungry enough he'll sort it out--. We also have a joint account, has bugger all money in it but at least its our money rather than mine all the time. When Im on maternity we plan for most of his wages to go into the joint to cover bills food etc, smp will be mine to spend and he will have some wages left to spend as he wants.

He sounds like he is majorly taking the piss!!! I think a talk is definitely needed as he is basically living the life of riley at the moment, does he not realise what century we are in?!?

I agree with cavort he gets to play the doting dad card while you work yourself into the ground!!!

Plus remember Ive not had bubs yet so ours are only plans, could all go to shit need rethinking once bubs arrives.

Ive seen that story too cavort very apt Id say!

I haven't seen a boy in tights either but oh well, I'm sure vic won't know/mind if they're practical and warm! I just randomly remembered being told that when I was really small I hated tights with a passion - I used to massively kick off and had toddler tantrums over them and everything! My poor mum!

purple I think I'll have to wait and see how it goes - I imagine me handling everything to do with the the home but I've never had a baby so don't know yet, might feel differently! Maybe part of it is also to do with that weird financial guilt I have about mat leave! Are there things you could trim back on like taking DP's lunch to work for him, I won't be doing that? It certainly isn't fair if you're doing lots and then they think you sit on the sofa all day relaxing. At the same time, I imagine me preferring mat leave to work though and enjoying it even though there will be tough times, fingers crossed!

Cross posts but purple that line about "just don't do it then" would annoy me! Surely he wouldn't really want to live in a pig sty and that's no way to make you feel appreciated, you're doing it for both of you!

Whoops, he just got in from work and we had a massive row about him leaving his socks inside

Inside out culminating in me making him a sandwich and telling him I hoped he choked on it
On the upside, because I'm not talking to him he's stormed upstairs to hit things with a hammer in the attic so every cloud
Anyway that's my moaning quota well and truly used for the month so less about me, how is everyone else?

Oh purple you poor thing. Get him to do more! As you said list it all out for him to see written down - then leave him with the baby all day long so he can see how hard it is easier said than done i know

Miles will absolutely be wearing tights. So practical to keep his chubster legs warm under trousers. Prob won't get pink ones but prob wouldn't for a girl either! I will be purchasing some navy or grey ones for him.

Now I hate to say this but miles has been sleeping wonderfully for a while now (12 hrs every night) and for the last week with a stretch from 10-5 or 11-6 straight. It is lovely. As a result I am beginning to fear the four month sleep regression I've heard so much about. Please tell me it doesn't happen to all babies?!

And sorry to say this purple but it did make me laugh a not that despite the row you still made him lunch! I fear I would have done the same if I'd started doing it before the row!

Very impressed with all these sleeping babies, Lucy is getting slightly better though so I can't complain. I don't see why you wouldn't put tights on a boy, the ones I got for Lucy aren't particularly girly (navy, cream and a sort of bright cherry colour) I just need her to grow into them! Like you say, much easier than trying to keep socks on a baby (how? Without the use of staples, superglue or duct tape I'm not convinced its actually possible)

You use Sock Ons!, they're ace!

Cavort, they're fabulous! Why did no-one tell me sooner? I thought putting socks back on was just going to become a full time job. I have GOT to get some of those!

They have them in Mothercare Purple. Totally genius idea and I can vouch that they really do work.

For those who have girls (or boys who might like a skinny jean), I highly recommend these and these in the John Lewis sale. I got them in 3-6 and they are lovely quality, the photo doesn't do them justice at all, and they have a proper adjustable waist (like maternity trousers) to grow with the baby. I am just ordering some more in 6-9 and might even get 9-12 as well for that price.

Wow cav I'm always impressed with your ability to find useful stuff!
On the dh note I've also been having a tough time with mine. Granted he must be fed up with having the mother in law here (she goes on sat) but he has been way grumpier than his already grumpy self and doing less and less in house.
We have a cleaner who does our ironing as well and I do all the cooking and washing since we had baby. He does the washing up and that is it. Today we had a row cause I asked him to empty the bin. And the most he will do is one nappy change- and even that only happens after much nagging on my part.
Like yours purple he does keep get in the evening after I settle her and fails to feed her most nights
On another note I believe Lara has invented her own private 8 week growth spurt. Constant feeding and no poo for 2 days, as well as really bad nappy rash . Any magic suggestions??

ironing??? what is this thing you speak of?

Our men suck huh, heres to a change in season and a change in their attitude!

On another note, on FB today theres been one 12 week scan pic from a girl who didnt know she was preggo (baby number 3) and one from a girl having number 4, geez thats some crazy shit. When you think how much we all struggled.

Yeah, I'd love two. Beyond that and ignoring the fact I'm so old I prob wouldn't have a choice I think I'm done. I think once you have more children than adults it must get a bit tricky...

Back home and on our own bed. I know I'm old and boring but it really is so lovely getting back into your own bed, no matter how much of a fab hol you've had. Miles was an angel on the way home and slept all the way from check in to passport control here. He only woke up when we put him in the car, and even then he just beamed at us! I know his sleeping will almost certainly get worse again but right now being a mum is just lovely and considerably less knackering than it was

janey he sounds amazing. Glad you had a lovely time! Agree re your own bed being amazing. Although I didnt get much sleep in ours last night, more leg pain, wish this kid would stop laying on my nerves....ouchy!

Regarding nurseries, we're all doing it wrong.
sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html
I'm still not sure what Vic's room will look like, but I have strong suspicion it will lack dedicated elimination communication areas with hand-crafted pee mats..

Haha hazle!! Movement mat???? Wtf????