MARTIANS 2014 - Thread 7: Are you due next March? Do you have wrecking balls for breasts? Getting moist over iCandys? Then come and talk shyte with us..

[PramQueen1971]

Thread 6

You wouldn't have a big ol' list of how you wanted your future partner to live his life day to day before you had even met him, so why would you with a baby? They aren't just animatronic potatoes (even though they look like them) - they do all have their own personalities you know! Getting to know them and finding out what they like is NOT the same as letting them trample you into the ground.

Well said rosyryan. You can't shoe-horn every baby into the same routine. of course structure and routine are important but I say make your own with your own baby, rather than following a rigid formula devised by someone who doesn't know you or your baby.

Grey, get the doc so sort you out. You shouldn't have to just put up with the pain.

Oh wow. Thread 7. I havent read most of thread 6 yet! I do try and check in daily read a couple of posts and then usually fall asleep!

My due date has moved forward, it's now the 16th. We've told most people we wanted to know. It's been so exciting. Although I am telling people as and when where as DH has gone crazy telling everyone and anyone! It's been four days, and I keep looking at my scan picture every day... this kid has long legs!

Random thought... Hopefully most of us will have our babies just in time for Mothers day 2014! (30th March)

Oh Mimili I hadn't even thought of that!

I can't wait to be spending my first ever mothers day with a gorgeous new baby

Comms, I have fallen in love with Joan. She is ace. She does make endless brews but she is also very wise about love, marriage, babies, and bastards. The police came into the shop today accompanied by the landlord of the drug addicts of the flat above the shop. They are clearly growing cannabis up there and the whole place stinks (I even smell it down the street as I am approaching the shop). The coppers came in to see how strong the smell is and they were in agreement that the tenants are not merely smoking the stuff. I hate weed-smokers. They're selfish, lazy and shit in bed (well, they are from my experience )

Hottie, I'm so excited to be a mummy next year! I am so thankful that this will be my last Christmas as a childless hag.

I'm sorry that Gina Ford has caused such consternation among some of you. I have been made to feel like a silly naive twat, if I'm honest. But that's okay, 'coz i iz thick-skinned, innit

Pram, I'm sure no-one intended to make you feel that way. It's not about you, just that some of us have strong feeling about Gina Ford and her methods. The subject has always evoked strong opinions on this site, as you know. There's nowt wrong with a bit of debate. We can probably all learn something from it.

Yeah I don't think anyone has disagreed with the basic principle of a routine. Like I said, she's hardly the Founder Of The Lunch Time Nap! I think it's more that from some people's experience, it can feel like a personal failure if you can't follow the book to the letter so I think what most people are saying is don't set your expectations too high, just use what bits work for you and your baby and ditch the bits that don't. No-one wants a high-needs, whingey, colicky baby but sometimes that's just what the stork dumps on your lap!

Just to wade into the whole parenting debate, and I've no idea what "method" I will lean towards yet, my best mate used GF with her first (10 months old) and it worked for her. He was sleeping 7-7 by 6 weeks old so she's a big advocate of "routine". She did say, however, that she wishes she'd been a bit more relaxed about nap times in the beginning to allow herself a bit more freedom. She acknowledged that it would be far harder to follow if breast feeding (she had to bottle feed as after a week in SCBU her little boy refused the boob).

I'll admit I like the idea of a routine for baby, but that's because I'm a routine kind of person and find things easier if I have a sweet way of doing things. Some people call me a control freak However, I understand that babies are all different and you need some flexibility in your approach.

Not been onfor a few day, been ill and generally just feeling sorry for myself, so have just spent the morning in work reading the previous posts really should do work though. Quite a few conversations/topics, I would have commented on, but given they are all finished and few days old, I shall reamin silent for once in my life

Glad all the scans etc have went ok!

On the whole GF debate......I have no idea what my parenting skills/routine will be like and have never heard of Big Gina, I do however think, that my the first few months weeks of my baby being in the real world will be solely focussed on trying to keep the child clean and fed and changed in a timely fashion without me fucking up, which may be a challenge in itself . To say I am shitting myself is probably an understatement :)

My sister was very routine-y and it was a right pain in the arse. By the time we were ready to go out it was too late because we wouldn't be back in time for the nap. We never got anything done.

I can't imagine not demand feeding. It would feel too cruel denying a hungry baby. But I'm the first to admit that I don't know the first think about it!

I'm thinking the same April. I've heard the first month is a total blur and I can believe it. We'll just be trying to keep the kid clean & fed I think.

Slings: My DH is well keen on getting one. He thinks we don't need a pram because he will just carry it everywhere in the sling.

I have no routine plans, I will just see what happens. I may be desperate for routine after a few weeks but I've found that the others just fell into their own routine.

It doesn't matter if they are old topics April comment away!

I've loved reading everybody's different views on these subjects. Growing up I always felt as if I was bit of a hindrance and an inconvenience. My DM was a major narcissist and would revel in my failures and only celebrate my successes if she could take the credit for them.

That's why attachment parenting appeals to me. I suppose I'm also kind of worried that I might have my mothers selfish and self-absorbed streak somewhere and totally focusing on the baby's wants and needs will stop it from rearing it's ugly head.

No-one is advocating 'denying a hungry baby'

Hottie, it's interesting how we try to shape our lives in ways which don't mirror our parent's more freaky traits, isn't it? I am keenly aware of my past mental health issues which makes me worried about the potential impact of a velcro baby who won't sleep through the night.

Just saying I'd probably feed it when it wants feeding.

Tis Pram. I'm envious of those people who had great parents and can just copy what they did

Velcro baby and not sleeping through the night aren't necessarily connected Pram. Also everyone please make sure that the men are doing their fair share even once back at work and even if you're breastfeeding! Baby wakes for a feed at 6am, no reason why you can't feed in bed then let DH entertain baby for an hour while you doze - he can get ready while looking after the little one!! We also have a lie in one day each at the weekends still - habit we got into to recover from early mornings with DS and it still works well for us!

I've already told DH that if I do the first 9 months he can do the next 9

Pram, they'll all sleep through the night eventually.

I remember when DS1 was a newborn and when he cried in the night for a feed I didn't mind at all. It was a case of a quick feed on the boob and straight back to sleep. it was as he got older that sleep became an issue. He was actually sleeping through until he was weaned then it all went a bit wrong, probably because he wasn't getting enough calories from replacing milk with pureed vegetables.
I'd be open to using some "hungry baby" formula at night if it would help this baby sleep. But we'll just have to wait and see what happens and what kind of baby I get. I feel like as I've had two relatively easy babies (no extended crying, no colic) that it may be my turn to get a screamer :/

Rock, XP was naturally an early bird so I felt no guilt at letting him take the baby in the morning while I slept in, especially if I'd been up in the night. And it was nice for him to have that daddy and baby time. He was always really hands-on from the very beginning, which is the way it should be.

Hottie, I suspect those 'perfect parents' are actually swingers, terrorists or Satanists.

Lyra, Gina Hindley Ford recommends a bottle (of either expressed milk or formula) for the late feed by the time baby is two weeks old. She reckons this is the best way of ensuring baby is satisfied and full enough to sleep the night. She does recognise the difficulty in knowing quite how much baby has taken from a breast feed and if he doesn't feed well and proper at that 11pm feed then sleeping through won't follow either.

I do like the idea of introducing a bottle early so that baby will allow dad to feed him. I also won't be breastfeeding for more than two or three months as we hope to start fertility treatment for another baby

Is it not recommended to have fertility treatment whilst breastfeeding because of the drugs you have to take?

I just know that I will feed the baby when it cries, hopefully it will sleep in the crib next to our bed, and I will retain some sanity. Who knows if that's actually going to happen though?!

I did use the dream feed technique with dd and I felt it helped, she would then sleep till around 4.

Pram, I'd definitely recommend getting the baby used to a teat quite early so he or she is happy with either. If you leave it too long the baby might refuse to ever feed from a bottle.
Breastfeeding won't necessarily stop you becoming pregnant a second time. I got pregnant with DS2 while still BFing DS1 (although not exclusively by that point). Also my periods returned exactly a month after giving birth, which seemed very unfair. I'd hoped to dodge them for a year at least.

Mummy, my two both slept in a Moses basket next to the bed. When they cried for a feed I'd lift them put without even needing to get up, latch them on and when they were done, put them back. I think I was half asleep through the whole process But sometimes I'd wake up to find the baby still there in the bed because I'd dropped off while feeding.