January 2014 (Thread 6) - The Lies and Truth of pregnancy..... Read on!!

[LittlePeaPod]

Lie = Your glowing vs Truth = Your sweating, freezing, puking and an emotional basket!

Lie = After the first trimester your ms will disappear vs The truth = It will be there in the second trimester and the third..... and probably after you give birth! Get used to it!

Lie = You don't look even look pregnant vs The truth = whatever, you look pregnant from space!

Lets see what we learn from the second trimester!

MrsV how mean of them. Honestly. If they're smoking with tobacco, it's a double whammy of bad, so how DARE they say 'you'll be okay'. Have any of them had kids? I get annoyed with how many people smoke outdoors that I have to walk past (as an ex-smoker, I know this is hypocrisy, but I gave up to protect my baby, I don't now want to inhale other people's fag smoke!), let alone sit in the same room as!

apparently and blue you poor loves. Are you sleeping well/enough? That can really affect my mood, I know. Hard in this heat though.

nature have a wicked holiday! Hope the cough and cold bugger off soon.

Mac I like it - lots of training though (9 years), and so few jobs - mine is only peripheral to the subject, not a lectureship as I'd love. Still, we do get to talk about cool stuff a lot!

sultana that was horribly judgey of the checkout lady. I am a judgey mcjudgey pants at the best of times, but not picking up a screaming baby - c'mon, who the hell thinks that's good parenting? If you want to teach babies to self-soothe (that's what it's called, right?) surely you do it at home, anyway, not in a supermarket!
Hope your DH is okay. Have you tried a pregnancy pillow - dream genii or similar? Supposed to be great. I'm getting one!

blue silly DH. Does he need The Talk? I can come over... I am VERY GOOD at explaining sternly that men in the 21st Century have to share household tasks with their wives, and that if said wife is ill/stressed/too tired, he needs to MAN UP and do it all. I have a curriculum and everything .

Bikey I've said for ages that SMP is a joke - how the ACTUAL fuck are you meant to live on it - WITH A BABY??? Everyone thinks I'm weird though. I'm lucky that I'm not the primary earner in our family, but if I were, I'd be petrified. It's yet another hurdle to parenthood.

I slept in until 12 today - finally catching up on some zzzzz's. DH is cooking a roast chicken, with italian bread and tomato salad (see, I had The Talk with him early on... ) and it smells divine.

MrsV it's a shame they're being so arsey. I loved Amsterdam when I went with my awful ex and there's much more to it than just drugs and booze. Have you had a chance to enjoy the cafe culture/scenery/shopping?

humpty and blue the 'talk' is great. Dp now does a lot more (though is still fundamentally a lazy bastard at heart) and is currently favourite parent with DS. Which makes me a little sad as its always 'dad dad' that's requested for bedtime stories, teeth brushing and meals. I can understand the stories as he's an actor and can do the accents but still . Ds used to be all about mum but I'm not a lot of fun to be around right now (can't lift him, hot, bothered, grumpy, tired all the time). Luckily DP mostly works from home and they have a great relationship. He's said he'd want to be a sahd when I go back to studying full time.

blue I second the dream gennii and there's a pillow shaped like a wedge that you can put under your bump.

Am knackered atm as the pub down the road put on karaoke till 1am (with drunks shouting at each other till 3) so no one slept and DS has been overtired and grumpy all day.

I'm going to read back through the thread as I'm so tired I think I've missed a lot (sorry!).

Would like to add that I too am envious of Pod's organisation. It's great you have all the big essentials, especially the car seat. Am embarrassed to say that travel system arrived on DSs due date. Mothercare did offer to lend a seat for us to bring ds home in but luckily it all worked out and he was 11 days late in the end.

mythree yes I am naturally slim, but unfortunately I have piled on the pounds in the last few years, so am now unnaturally overweight! Am sure that is probably not helping....

humpty EXACTLY! I mean WTF! Stupid checkout woman! I have indeed go the dream genii, but it's not helping my hips, even though it's mega comfy to lie with!

OMG enormouse! What you need is for it to be pissing down with rain to keep them all inside! GRRRR!

sultanajo I think I'm going to have to complain as its been 2 Saturdays in a row and from the same pub. Then again it might have been something to do with the 12th (I have no idea what it is tbh, my DP is the northern Irish one and even he doesn't exactly know what the 12th of July is celebrating, blue and MrsRA can you explain it to me?), so possibly a one off.

I really, really desperately want to move but there's no point right now. I had hoped that being a in a village would be peaceful/serene/community blah blah.

I am v v concerned about mat pay. I am not the main earner, well I wasnt, but now dh has lost his job life is about to ge v v tough indeed. Hoping that he may have found something permanent by jan, but being a teacher, most jobs will prob start next sept. Just hoping for lots of teachers havin babies so he can do mat cover for a while to keep us going. Otherwise we will be living on my mat pay.
We will be draining any savings we have left and its all tesco value food from now on
Thankfully we have supportive families who have said they will step in if we need it so we dont lose our house etc (really hope it doesnt come to that tho)

Enormouse despite living in a area that was quite "active" with protests a few years back (burnt out cars etc) I dont actually know what the 12th is about in great detail but basically the protestants overthrew the catholics in 1688? and the battle of the boyne in 1690.

Basically now its protestant supremacist and it gets the back up of catholics (in general)

Obv, the majority of folk in NI dont give two hoots about it all. We just want to get along and have equal rights for all.

There may be a few more noisy nights for you unfortunately. Its marching season not just about the 12th! I suggest ear plugs asap.

Frizz and others worried about money, at least you can plan ahead a bit now, and try not to get sucked into all the gadget "must haves" for baby that are actually pretty unnecessary. You will get child benefit and child tax credits plus working tax credits if someone is working. If partner is made redundant, they might be able to get 6 months of contributions based JSA. I also enter a few comps for some nicer things just in case ;)

There is plenty of great advice both here and on moneysavingexpert for eating healthily on a budget. Now is not the time to scrimp on healthy food (not that value food is necessarily unhealthy!) Im not sure at what point people qualify for healthy start food vouchers but if its looking bad, its something to check out.

Humpty I need someone to tell him :( He does occasionally ask me if anything needs done...just tends to be after I finish the housework. To be fair, he has only just left home to live with me and had NEVER had any housework to do. Its teaching him from scratch. But I really feel I shouldnt have to tell him to wipe the pee off the toilet, put washing in the basket, put dishwasher tablet in machine and switch it on if full etc.

Oh, and I looked at the dream genii but i think my rolled up thin duvet is practically the same things...and free! Cant justify dream genie atm. :(

blue I would suggest the following:

1. Sit him down at a calm and non-stressy time
2. Explain that you are tired, stressed, and will find it increasingly difficult to do things around the house, because you're pregnant.
3. Ask him what he thinks he can do to support you
4. If he has no suggestions, ask whether he would like you to suggest some things.
5. Make a list or rota or checklist, whatever it takes to help him remember.
6. Ask him if he like you to remind him, or suggest ways of doing things, or gently correct him when he forgets.

I find if you discuss how you're going to change things, it helps. Also, at every stage, you're asking him, not telling him.
If you just expect him to notice, he won't. He just won't. Very few men seem to notice/care/bother about housework. Don't take it personally, it's not personal. Imagine you wanted him to start learning a new language - it wouldn't be an emotional issue. Well, the 'language' of housework is just like that. HTH!

Humpty - I started to give a big reply but it wound me up too much and Im already stressed enough today! In short, Ive done that. He had a list. It was pointless.

Okay - without winding you up further, why did the list not work?

Hey :)

Just checking in. I'm ok, 13+2 and seem to be doing ok.

When I'm on the laptop I'll catch up properly. But I'm still alive!

blue sorry to hear DP is being useless. What was his list like? Did he give it a go? How long did it last for? Did he help his mum much before you started living together? Does he need to be treated like an idiot novice?

Sorry, lots of questions!

14 weeks today and into 2nd trimester! Whoop!

DS has been really clingy and unwell for a few days, since Thursday. Yesterday was hell because he screamed the whole freaking day. I was at the end of my tether and cried a lot.

Today, after 12 hours sleep, he woke up quite happy! I was feeling all hopeful until I saw the rash all over his face, belly, and groin. I think it's either measles or chicken pox. If it's measles then I should be ok, I'm immune to German measles, and I've already had actual measles. If it's chicken pox it's a bit more of a worry because I've had it twice. A dr has confirmed it both times too. I can't very well avoid my son because i'm pregnant!

I'm waiting to get in to see the dr to see what's going on with him. It doesn't look like a heat rash though, which isn't encouraging

He's 30 and grew up on a farm so if I needed hay brought in or cows tended to, he would be my hero. I've never seen any if his siblings, except oldest who lives away from home, do anything in the house. It's his mums way if bringing up /taking care of her family I guess.

The list didn't work because he ignored it. Then I pointed out the list and his input into the house (zero), and he did a few things ( all in all, 10 mins work a day- clearing kitchen after dinner, broken down into steps- fill dishwasher, wipe surfaces etc)
As I got more unwell and spent more time in bed, he just would watch more and more tv and ignore the kitchen. Soon I couldn't face smell of bathroom cleaning stuff ( or the state he left toilet in, or sink after shaving), so it was added to his list. Twice a week x 15 mins work. I was getting up at 6 so I could get all other housework done and dinner prepped before sickness kicked in.

Anyway, big chat last night. Air cleared, though he goes "home" to help on the farm for a few days at lunchtime today.

He said he feels like he's never right and when he has a good idea it's like I'm witnessing the birth of Jesus ?! Tbh, I get surprised when he comes up with something v out if the box genius which is maybe what he is referring to. And not surprised cause its him, I'm surprised cause whoever suggests it has a brilliant mind.

I pointed out (gently as possible in my rage) that actually he looked for me to direct him constantly on everything most of the time. I want him to use his initiative, as ATM it feels like I'm raising another kid ( i didn't say the last bit)

I told him how much I worried about miscarrying if I overdo it, what if I end up in hospital and he was at home with DD. ( dd is not his- just to clarify). I know in reality my mum would help feed them but things like laundry and keeping the house clean are basic things I feel he should be able to do in my absence.

Long story short, I'm writing a master list of EVERYTHING that needs done, in small manageable steps and he will use it instead of asking me unless he doesn't understand. I will also be able to refer dd to it. Whoever gets there first gets their pick of the jobs ;)

I love lists ;) will just get it done by Wednesday /Thursday when he comes back up home to us.

And ... I'm 15 weeks! Plus, 3 whole days without fresh blood! My belly is def noticeably swollen with baby now ( not just bloating!) and all nausea is gone except with certain smells - like coconut. Am wishing we had an upstairs bathroom though :)

Good thing about bedrest is my ability to crochet/knit/sew completely guilt free! Silver lining :)

frying what time will you see dr at? Hope he can reassure you.

You prob already know but porridge oat baths are a godsend for chickenpox-y kids. Dd played in hers for hours.

She did scratch her face and ended up with a scar just below her eye - I hadn't put calomine on it as it was so close to her eye! She didn't really scratch anywhere that had been below water line though :)

frying sorry to hear your ds is ill, and about the extra worry!

Someone mentioned a donut shaped mattress so they could put there bump in the hole and sleep on their front, it reminded me of my MIL who was pregnant with my DH over the summer, she went to the beach and dug a hole to put bump in and lay on her front all day!

I've just had to ring to confirm my scan is at 12.20 as I've lost the sheet somewhere between here and Devon! I'm very nervous, and very tired as I didn't get home until midnight due to an accident and some roadworks (also very grateful as I think if we didn't stop at the services just before we would have been caught up in the accident) and then DH had to leave at 4.30 this morning!

blue some men are a tiny bit useless. DH is pretty good at tidying up, but we came home to a very warm house as he'd left the tumble dryer on all day. He'd taken the clothes out but hadn't realised you have to turn it off... I've been away for 3 weeks so dreading the next electricity bill!

frying I have also had cp twice (second time very mild though) but am now immune so you might now have had enough exposure to not catch it.

blue sounds like progress. I had a massive screaming rant reasoned discussion with DH when he claimed 'not to know' what needed doing. I point-blank refused to point it out/make a list/do a rota at first, but relented when I realised he was serious; he just cannot keep it as a mental rota as we girls can.

He is, however, MUCH better these days. He will (most days) say, e.g. (this morning): 'so, the bathroom needs cleaning today, and the sink in the kitchen, what else should I do?' - I like that he remembers/knows some jobs enough not to care that I still have to point others out! So, there is hope!
All I think, though, is I hope (in some ways) I have a boy/boys. I want to raise them to notice things - dust, dirt, muck, people needing help. DH is excellent at noticing danger, people needing doors holding, parking spaces, he just had to retrain his eyes!

frying oh that's horrid, you poor love. Poor DS as well - how old is he? I do hope you are immune to him/it.

MrsG fingers and toeses crossed for your scan!

tarka welcome to the second trimester!

TMI questions, lads: I have had a grumbling stomach on an off for about three days. Nothing appalling, just feeling a bit 'off' and some... ahem... looseness of product, shall we say. Not really diarrhea (oh god why is that word both grim and impossible to spell), just not 'set' (SELF-BOAK). I also have a slight sort of twingy achy feel in my lower belly. Anyone else had this? I don't think it's much to worry about, but will mention on Fri at 16 week appt.

Thanks for the concern girls. I was getting into a right panic.

The gp was really abrupt and said it's just a viral rash. Made me feel like I was wasting her time. I'm just pleased it's nothing bad

Humpty I think DP will be the same. He does now make the bed. And he does fetch me stuff when Im resting. And he knows when I could do with a hug and chocolate Plus he caught me when I tripped this am (on my flip flops. It scared me so im going to buy gladiator style sandals once Im allowed to drive again. Til then trainers or bare feet!) Plus he always leaves some of his coke to go flat for me Hes alright really !

frying have you seen gp yet?

gah, x post. Im glad your ds is ok (ish) Great excuse for snuggles on sofa I think? :)

humpty I was going to ask a similar question, I've had the same feelings.... it's not awful but weird isn't it?