Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

Here you go Bear, have a grip

I think it's normal to have a bit of a wobble, I'm actually a little bit worried that I'm so abnormally calm. I keep thinking that because I have been so uncharacteristically calm that it's only a matter of time before some hormone stops surging and my real nature dramatically re-asserts itself in the form of some sort of massive breakdown or mad sobbing hysterical panic. Have visions of me going through all of this, having the baby them handing it to me and me suddenly sayin "No, can't do this, sorry, changed my mind, don't want one anymore".

Whether any of us are having a wobble or not, the baby has to come out of there somehow so I'm sure it will all be fine, we'll all be fine, everything will be fine..but then, that's just my hormones talking

brave it's totally normal to panic. And I don't like hospitals one bit either - spent some time in one last year having my thyroid removed, and it all came back when we visited the maternity ward, even thought it was not even the same hospital. I do hope that once when we're at the stage where we can't breathe due to contractions (helpful description from my assistant just 10 min ago) we won't care about being in the hospital any more.

As for getting ready - janey said it, babies don't care if you have all items on your list ticked. DP will just have to go and get whatever is missing, you will manage.

thanks Purple and thanks for sharing Hazle - glad it's not just me with weird hospital references.

Think I'm just having one of those days. Need to get home and have a nice long cuddle from DP I think. I suspect this is partly due to the fact that everyone else in my office is discussing the recruitment process for my replacement (they're literally sat next to me discussing who they're going to invite for interview and who they're really excited about, including same-level colleague who's being a bit self-important about it all) - I am the only one not involved and it's not just pissing me off but is also making everything very real.

Am being a child. Will snap out of it, now I have ownership of a Purple Grip.

My job has now gone out to external advert due to lack of interest internally. Closing date next Friday. This was the member of staff who was going to be sourced in time for a lengthly handover so I could train them. So they've only got to receive all the applications, shortlist, invite for interview, interview, shortlist, pick a winner, offer job, wait whilst they work their notice then they can start.

I leave in four weeks and they've got me working so much overtime next week which I have to take before I leave, I'm actually going to be leaving in about three weeks. So I'm guessing I wont actually even get to meet my replacement let alone train them

I always use otravine spray but thats vetoed if pregnant so I'm having to fight it with vitamins, honey and lemon drinks and salt water gargles not exactly doing the job! I dont think you're even meant to use olbas but Im ignoring that!

I am still a total control freak, I feel like I should be doing something to prepare. I've started by trying to sell the sofabed an rowing machine in what will be babies room. My friend was asking how she will know when shes ready to ttc, I must have sounded stupid to her as I said basically start early as it can take ages (her OH is 40+, although sperm seem to go on forever) but also told her that ttc can take over your life, I said its only when you finally get pregnant that you think 'oh my god, I'm going to have a baby in 9 months'. For some reason ttc and having a baby seem like totally different things to accept, I dont mean I didnt know one led to the other, it just seems odd when you finally admit that you are growing a new person. Scared the crap out of me oddly enough. Off to the funny farm for me I think

You and me both for the funny farm Mother as, despite being a maximum of 8 weeks away and being beaten up daily from the inside, I still can't visualise a baby arriving at the end of this process.

Brave it must be tough after what you went through in Dec, but birth is not a medical emergency, it's a natural but bloody painful process which our bodies have evolved to be good at. And so many aspects of your care are down to your own preferences. You are in the driving seat for this, unlike your previous hospital experience.

Any thoughts re the britax b smart travel system? My friend is selling and has given me first refusal. Ive not really thought about prams yet.

not a happy pregnant lady here, spoke to the midwife at the antenatal class about my birth options and she agreed with the consultant that really I have very little choice and that basically I'm going to end up being induced then flat on my back in a hospital bed hooked up to machines monitoring baby constantly.

I know it's not the end of the world, I know worse things could happen to me than this but it's just the last thing I wanted, its like someone took my list of 'things i really don't want for my birth' then told me that's what i'm getting and I feel a bit upset about it all. I so thought she would say it would be fine for me to have my water birth at the MLU with as little intervention as possible.

I don't want to go to hospital! might need that grip back for just a minute or two Bear

Oh arse Purple, that really is shit Is there any chance if your condition improves that they might review their recommendations further along? At how many weeks are they likely to induce you? Of course you want to do what's best for baby and your health but it's still shit.

Apparently bloody not as my bloods are all coming back normal anyway as I'm responding really well to the drugs. Stupid arseing liver. I'm so fucked off about it. Especially since all this panic is based on no actual facts or research at all, I know it's good that they're cautious and don't want to take risks but just...arrrrggghh!!!
Rant over
Right, induction at 40 weeks if bloods stay normal, earlier if things deteriorate. The only thing I can do now is commence operation early eviction, starting at 36 weeks I'm going to have to try every ridiculous old wives take out there to try to shift this baby early as its my only chance of at least trying to avoid induction because if I have to spend two days hooked up to the machines before anything even starts really happening I actually might lose my mind.

oh shit purple, not fun! I agree, operation early eviction sounds the best way! Although I have a feeling that a few of us first timers may go over and end up being induced, I do agree that would suck big time!

purple sounds like we have opposite problems, you'll be doing all you can to get yours out while I'm doing all I can to keep mine in! Let me know what you're trying and I'll basically do exactly the opposite! Obvs not something you'll be trying, but I did read a theory that flying brings on early labour and people with high risk pregnancies shouldn't fly so will see how my cervix is looking and what the doc's say but might have to cancel my paid for holiday in June boo

Sorry you won't get the birth plan you want I have heard so many people don't but they usually find out last minute!

Purple I would imagine the best method of early eviction is to be totally unprepared and not want a baby to show up before due date.

Castor Oil worked very well for my friend a few weeks ago but it was the sickness and violent diarrhoea it gave her which started labour off.

The only person I have known to be induced recently resulted in a 'manageable' 7 hour labour and natural birth so it's not ideal but not necessarily doom and gloom.

ohhh cavort that doesnt actually sound so bad, why is it we are always told the horror stories?!?

Oh purple that sucks. Giving birth is so daunting, whichever way you choose - must be even more so if you can't even begin it in the way in which you'd choose.

I've heard castor oil can work too - but also that it can be horrendous for you (leading to dehydration) and even increase the odds of the baby having a bowel movement and there being meconium in the waters. I think I would be too scared, even though it is totally natural? thread debating it here

Although actually just seen this which seems to say it does no harm, but no good. Why is everything so confusing?!

Feel bad, inadvertently buried Mother's pram question with my whining, I know bugger all about travel systems, can anybody else help her?

Thanks for all the sympathy folks, still feeling shit about it today to be honest, going to allow myself to wallow in my misery today then pull myself together tomorrow. Barely got any sleep last night due to agonising cramp in calf/needing to pee constantly/having to get up for gaviscon so I'm too tired for positive thinking today, Friday or not! Oh and thanks for the good story Cavort but because I'm a gloomy Eeyore today I can't help but dwell on the person I know who was induced recently who was nearly 3 bloody days before she gave birth. Ugh, I'm even doing my own head in with my grumpiness! Will do something positive at lunch time and source some raspberry leaf tea capsules so I feel like I'm taking action.

Alex, I hope you don't have to cancel your holiday

Janey, you seem to be taking all of your pregnancy related problems (which frankly are much worse than mine), leaking ceilings and all in your stride, what's your secret? I'd normally resort to wine to cheer me up!

I don't know Mother. It seems that women who've had a bad birth seem much keener to share their stories than the ones who've had a good one. I have heard a few people saying that some women wear their week long agonising birth like a badge of honour so that may go some way towards explaining it. In RL I know many more women who've had good experiences than bad ones, it's just the bad ones are more memorable!

Because Janey then all the men who are having hilarious fun pulling these strings of our life wouldn't get half as much of a kick out of it

Poor you Monster. They've certainly managed to paint the bleakest possible picture for you

Is it compulsory to be laid back? I understand that it is possible to get some movement, even while being monitored - and you should definitely be able to stand up and maybe sit on ball etc, even if it means DP holding sensors in the right place.

It may be slightly easier for the midwives, but it shouldn't be compulsory. Thinking about it, have you thought about maybe getting a doula in to help? It might be worth having a really good advocate on your side, especially if it looks like they're taking away standard options...

Alex not sure about flying bringing on labour, I think that's been disputed - from what I'm aware, it doesn't bring on labour (tho I guess the stress/anxiety might not help) - but if you do go into labour there's naff all they can do, hence why airlines won't take you if you have a anything other than a textbook pregnancy...

Oh and pass on the travel system question... I know next to nowt about these things, other than the one we've picked (Mothercare Orb). I can offer that a travel system is a good idea, but it's recommended to always always have a brand new car seat unless you can 100% guarantee prior history of car seat and that it's not been in any accidents (even minor ones) etc.

There's a review page on MN with all sorts of prams and pushchairs, so you might be able to get some insight there... (look up the top, the tab next to talk...)

Has anyone seen the clip of the guys testing out the labour simulator? Made me laugh, and I bet it's not even the same as proper labour!

I was really looking forward to a second trimester holiday (last one just the two of us!) and unless I tell the airline, they wouldn't know I'm high risk. I shouldn't go into labour at 18 weeks of course, it's just what if the change in cabin pressure/oxygen has an impact on my cervix if it's already short/fragile? What if it has no impact whatsoever and something goes wrong anyway and I always wonder? Also it means three weeks or more between scanning to check the cervix is holding up, in case they need to get the stitch in. Oh I don't know...purple I'm a right grump today too, happy Friday to us!

janey how did that girl in your NCT class who went into early labour get on? Did you enjoy the class this week?

Ditto re travel system. I just found one I liked and then checked the reviews... (thanks cavort! )

alex - really hope you don't have to cancel your holiday, would be just what you need after all the stress as well. The only silver lining I can think of is that if you're not allowed to fly for medical reasons, you would be able to claim the cost back on travel insurance - useful when you're about to give up work for a year! Make sure you have a policy in place now though just in case...

Cross post alex! We don't know yet. Got more details from the teacher this week though. Her waters had broken due to an infection I think, but they were waiting to see if they had broken at the bottom, or somewhere near the top. Apparently if it's the former they have to get the baby out, the latter and there's a good chance the hole can mend itself and all be fine. The leader hadn't heard an update since that though. She would have been 31 or 32 weeks though even if they had to get the baby out, so fingers crossed, she should have a very good chance of the baby being absolutely fine.

Babyjaney has got hiccups. AGAIN. Poor little bugger, must be driving him/her mad - has them several times a day!

Oh and purple - I think the key is putting your head firmly in the sand. If I stop and think about how much needs to be done, and what an absolute tip my house is, and the fact the baby may well have to come early, I do start to feel vaguely panicky. But I'm just kind of refusing to think about it, in a lovely, removed, hazy kind of way. Much better!

Am starting to hate the leg cramps though so you have much empathy from me over that. They are impossible to ignore especially when you wake up several times a night with them!

Ahh, head in sand, yes, I can do that, I'm GOOD at that, thanks Janey! My house is an utter pit too and the attic still needs a few finishing touches, you know just bits and bobs like an actual floor, stairs, walls, just little things really

Wish I was better at that! Right I'm wedging my head firmly in the sand from now on!

DH had awful leg cramps during the night, I heard him cry out in pain and grab it, rubbing it until it stopped. What's he doing trying to get attention for aches and pains, he's stealing my pregnancy thunder!