Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

I'd be pissed off too purple, have they maybe forgottentoday is your last day?

Not at all. Be as unhelpful as you want. Sod them.

To be honest I was a bit upset on Friday (boss didn't bother to speak to me at all about a handover or say bye etc) but thankfully now I don't give a shit. It is upsetting but just leave with your head held high safe in the knowledge that they'll be screwed without you and you'll have your feet up next week and won't care at all!

I'd be annoyed too purple but totally agree with janey's attitude, you won't have to worry about them next week! Selfish of them not to remember the lunch.

Purple I think in that situation unhelpful is the way to go. Screw 'em.

I was supposed to be going out for a meal with work colleagues this Friday (pay day) but it's been postponed with no new date so goodness knows when/if it's going to happen. Possibly when baby is a few months old! Like Janey said, it's amazing how little of a shit I give now I'm away from it (even though I like most of my colleagues).

I'm just enjoying quite a heated debate on the News between one of the founders of MN and a woman representing Bounty about whether Bounty reps should be allowed on postnatal wards. I believe MN has started a petition to have them banned.

I've moved to the next level of being a heavily pregnant woman. I still get the "You're still here??" comments at work, but now whenever I try to walk out of the building, I get stopped by concerned people asking if everything is ok or am I on my way to the hospital. Seriously

Hazle why are your colleagues surprised you are still there? Presumably they know ML doesn't start until the baby arrives or do most women get signed off sick by this point?

Yes, most women would be signed off sick by now, it's quite common to stay home 1-2 months before the due date.

I've read enough bad things about Bounty reps on here that I'm so prepared for a fight I think I'll be almost disappointed if they don't mess with me!

Hazle, I keep getting told I look 'ready to drop' or 'fit to pop' by complete strangers although a lady yesterday told me that I didn't look pregnant from the back which cheered me up no end even though it was in a kind of 'wow, but from the FRONT you're HUGE!' sort of way. I've just never got used to the need of strangers to comment on the size of pregnant people, it's very odd. It's strange they're asking if you're ok though unless you're huffing and groaning as you walk like me! (which I guess you're not being Superwoman and all)

In my trying not to be very helpful handover my colleague said 'are we going for lunch tomorrow?' and my manager said 'oh well we can do if you want' so maybe we are going after all though I feel like if it's that much of an afterthought they needn't bother I wasn't going to mention it though.

Hazle it sounds like you need your Superwoman maternity t-shirt on so they all know you're still there because you're hard as nails.

Purple I don't think my Maternity Unit allow Bounty reps in which disappoints me somewhat as I think after labour I would take great pleasure in taking my tiredness out on one but poor DH will probably get it instead.

Tell the others to come & join me soon.

Oh Cavort Why do these things always happen when the men are away too! You sound like you coped better than I would anyway.

I think Father's Day is a bit previous for me. I'm being totally superstitious about everything at the moment. He'll get something from SS anyway I think.

Aw Purple that's not unreasonable at all. I worked my last day in one of my offices yesterday & the bosses did their best not to even acknowledge I was there let alone say goodbye. It hurts so I know how you feel.

Ugh I know this is probably minor compared to later pg woes & what some people go through in first trimester but I think my MS is finally kicking in & getting worse. I just feel a bit icky every afternoon now from about 2.30pm & nothing seems to make it go.

I don't know about Bounty reps but DP said to SS on Sunday that he could be waiting outside with nanny & grandad when baby is born which is news to me. We need to have words about that as I have no intention of anyone knowing I'm in labour until it is born & the last people I will want to see straight after will be PIL & SS! Not unreasonable to just want some time alone with DP & baby to bond is it?

Not unreasonable in the slightest frog!! I want exactly the same... Good luck with that one.

And moan away about MS. I didn't get it but know from others how horrendous it can be, and lots of people were glad to be out of the first trimester. Plus to be honest, the third trimester is nowhere near as bad as I'd expected - apart from soaring BP I'm bloody well and feel absolutely fine. Am still sleeping well (apart from numerous toilet trips each night) and do so without extra pillows etc so know I'm very very lucky... Think if I had SPD would be a very different story of course!

I had MS Frog and you have all my sympathy - it really is awful. I got mine mainly in the evenings so it didn't affect work but I feel really feel sorry for women who have to carry on working through it.

Also, have a look at your maternity hospital's policy on child visitors. Mine has a policy that only the biological children of the in-patients can visit maternity (as children are breeding grounds for bugs) so my DSD will not be allowed to visit even if we want her to. If yours is the same it might solve a problem for you without putting you in a bad light with your DP (although I completely see where you're coming from). I doubt they'll have a policy on PIL though.

Purple you have every right to be feeling unloved. And you should totally take it out on them with a crappy handover as I will unless people start behaving like people and not empty-headed morons

MS supersucks Frog - mine kicked in around 8 weeks and was totally unfun. If it's afternoon nausea, might be acid-related, so could try rennies or something maybe? I eventually learned I had two types - 'not having eaten' nausea (and vomiting) and 'have eaten recently/eaten too much' (acid).

Are you not a little bit tempted to ham it up at your next docs visit Hazle and get a sicknote for a couple of weeks of rest?

Oh, and I got the 'it's funny, from the back you don't look pregnant at all' comment yesterday from one of the managers. I think it's meant to be a compliment but tis definitely a weird one.

Am also becoming vaguely irritated by the number of loose acquaintances who start talking to me about the fact that I'm staring impending motherhood in the face. It's like I've lost all other brain cells and interestingness apparently!

Thanks Janey & Cavort! Good to know I'm NBU. Off to check the hospital policy now - not that we've selected one yet so I could still choose based on that!! I'm already planning one further away which might help deter casual visitors.

Frog I'm - your DP making plans like that without even discussing what you want! Having my PILs and other relatives waiting while I'm giving birth would be a nightmare.

And I also have to say that 3rd trimester is not that bad. I'm due in..oh, it's just 9 days now, and still feeling fine, so you might get lucky too.

Hurrah - it says the mother's own children may visit but other children are not allowed. With a bit of luck they'll be a norovirus alert in January & all visitors will be barred except for fathers

Hazle I think (hope) he was just responding off the cuff as I think that originally SS had asked if he could be there at the birth

Thanks Brave I definitely feel worse when I'm hungry. I hadn't thought of the acid though - I did go out for lunch & had a rich creamy pasta so maybe that's it. I don't normally have such a big lunch & the past couple of nights I've had indigestion & trapped wind after my dinner.

Oh and another thing to consider Frog is if froglet arrives middle of the night (think most babies do?) - there'll be no way DSD would be there at 2 in the morning would there?

On the postnatal ward here, DPs are allowed 9-9, but all other visitors are restricted to between 3-4pm and 6-7pm, strictly two to a bed at any one time, and any children must be blood relatives. Apparently, they're qute strict at my hospital, as there are regular tannoy announcements of 'are they your children?'!!

X-post Frog but happy to throw in a suggestion. I've nearly had to block garlic from my diet these days because of the impact it has on me

Went to a wedding the other week and was bowled over because I didn't have a sniff of heartburn that night - it was bliss! Looking back, I don't think there were any dishes with garlic or raw onions or tomatoes in any of them - and it was honest-to-goodness the best food I have ever had at a wedding. The no-heartburn was a massive cherry on top!

Brave you're right but if I go in when he happens to be with us then someone is going to have to look after him so people are going to know. He may have to spend every night with his mum once I'm overdue & just come & have tea with us or something.

Ah maybe it's the tomatoes! That's what I've had the last two nights - Quorn spag bol, pasta with mediterranean veg & there were some tomatoes in my risotto at lunch today (not pasta like I wrote earlier .)

On hospital visits, my mum can be involved as much or as little as as she wants straight after birth - she's very good at picking up on how we feel and not overstepping boundaries, so we'll work that out mutually. I have a sneaking feeling DH's mum might be there as I guess that's why she's so annoyed about our hospital choice and bad parking situ DH will have to tell her if she's overstepping the mark though! I can't imagine us not telling parents, esp my mum, the minute I get any labour signs but everyone is different and it's good to do what you want and talk about it beforehand.

One thing that has also come up is the smacking situ. I am not planning on smacking but I'm not sure about MIL's feelings on this (I know she threatens a smack to other grandchildren and says it's the only thing that works sometimes). I just want to be clear that we will be having a no smacking policy and want everyone to respect our wishes, whether they think it's right or wrong!

That's a tricky one to work out Frog - we don't have DSS all that much, so is not so much of a problem. If thunderbirds were go and he was with us, we'd probably get DP's dad to take him home (DSS lives 35miles away).

The good thing is, there's plenty of time to work out the logistics.

Blimey alex smacking already?

I really hope that anyone who thinks it's their business to stick their nose in learns their lesson very quickly...

I know! Maybe I will just cross that bridge later on, MIL brought it up and knows how I feel and it's how my mum feels too. One step at a time I guess!