Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

You're not weird at all but some families are - my grandparents were the same, always doing things for my cousins (money to start a business, virtually gave one of them their house etc) but never did anything for me. The only time I ever asked them for anything was for a loan of about £100 when I was a student and in the shit which i wanted to pay them back weekly. They said no even though they could easily afford it despite having willingly given the other two granchildren far more and I never asked them for anything ever again. Funnily enough I didn't get anything when they died either, not even a momento.
Maybe your DP is the same? The odd one out in the family?

Yeah maybe Purple, it just seems unfair to me, I dont want the money but just feel like my OH is worth less to them or something?
Your grandparents sound like they had the same mindset.

Yes, it IS unfair, I can't understand why anybody would be like that as even if you had a favourite surely you would try not to show it? The mind boggles, families are just weird, I don't get them at all.

Hope you manage to sort your finances out anyway without help from the miserable swine!

Thanks Purple, so do I. Im sure we'll be fine in the end.

I'd be tempted to chuck it back at him anyway now. Yes I am stubborn enough that I would indeed cut off my nose to spite my face.

Think my dad is so fair as he was the least favourite of 3 siblings and always wanted me and my brother to feel equal. Have to say he's done a fab job! Don't understand how you can have favourite children, surely you love them all the same.

I'm exactly the same - I'd tell them to stick it too

Then again, after years of showing very little interest in my life my Dad came down and met up with me for the day a few weeks ago, haven't seen him in about 6/7 years and he gave me a cheque for £500 for the baby and I took that even though I've not had a birthday or Christmas present from him in donkeys years so maybe I'm more mercenary and unprincipled than I thought! Haven't banked it yet mind...
That's a 'families are weird' thing too, he's shown very little interest in my life for a long time but now I'm producing a grandchild he's interested? What's that all about?

Men are a whole different species, the day I understand them will be a very worrying day! xx

Mother it does seem totally unfair about your OH's Uncle, but a least you will be able to hold your head up high that everything you have in life is down to your own hard graft rather than being bailed out accepting cash and gifts from relatives. And nothing ever comes truely for free so who knows what favours the Uncle will be calling in at any point in the future. It's much better not to be beholden to anybody.

Purple my unfit Mother has also crawled out from under her rock since there is another grandchild in the offing. Not that I particularly want her around as I feel like our lack of relationship is beyond the point of no return, but if she wants to build a relationship with her grandchild I won't stop her. If my Sister's baby is anything to go by, she will soon get bored and bugger off back into oblivion again.

My feet have very attractively swollen up again this afternoon. They look like someone has inflated a rubber glove. Even flip flops are leaving a big dent.

I've got disgusting fat feet too - even out of all of my sandals and flip flops there's only one pair I can squeeze into without some sort of disgusting flesh roll hanging over the straps. Ugh it's gross!

Agreed Purple, it really looks disgusting. I've given up helping DH with the DIY and instead I am on my arse elevating both feet above my heart in an attempt to make them look less Shrek-like. I am currently in an interesting semi-lying position on the sofa with my feet propped up by 5 cushions and the laptop balanced on the bump. This baby had better appreciate all this and repay me by being a little angel who sleeps like a narcoleptic. Yeah, right!!.

We went to a BBQ earlier where there were loads of under 5's. At any one time one or more of them was crying, screaming, throwing a massive wobbler, hitting another child or a combination of all of these. I did have a moment of OMG, have I done the right thing? I remember when we were all child-free and BBQ's used to be about us all having a few drinks and having a laugh. These days we can barely finish a sentence to each other without interruption from a pre-schooler.

Much sympathy re the gross massive feet. Me too. Waaaaah.

Feeling a bit emotional. DP had put a date night in the diary for tonight, and took me to the Sanderson. But when we got there the lovely Alex was there and had arranged for all my closest girl friends and family to be there for afternoon tea and a baby shower. The food was absolutely amazing (mad hatters tea party) and got so many gifts - both for me and baby. A lovely surprise and feel very very lucky. And it feels very real suddenly!! Alex - thank you my lovely friend xx

Ahhh that's lovely Janey! Alex how sweet of you to organise that. What a nice thing to be spoilt now you have finished work.

Awww, that's absolutely lovely Janey. How nice of your DP and Alex to conspire against you like that. And what a good way to start your ML. You sound like you are surrounded by some good eggs.

Cavort you make me chuckle

Alex that was a lovely thing to do! Sounds really lovely Janey!

I have to say, Kate's DP was so good about it and being in on the surprise - he took her all the way there on the tube and then just went back home! He also stalled her outside when one of us got held up on their way - he randomly insisted they stop by Waterstones as he urgently needed to buy a baby book on being a new dad! loved Janey's surprised face, was such a lovely afternoon.

I'm now late for the Cotswolds and this ridiculous celeby do we have to go to Running late now, which will only make me stand out even more as the fat pregnant non-celeb hehe.

Good on you Alex, what a genuinely lovely thing to do for her. Although I'm sure she will be plotting revenge.

I hope you get back on here and name drop all the slebs you've hob-nobbed with today and tell us all how rough they look in RL.

Aw that's lovely! I was away last night for a friends birthday party & my DP didn't even text to see how I was. He got a snarky response when he did this morning. Anyway I've learnt that first trimester & partying not so compatible. I was sat down from 10pm & just wanted to go to sleep!

Sounds lovely Janey, glad you had a nice time.

I got woken up at 8 this morning by one of the neighbours apologising for hitting my car as she backed out of her drive, it's only a scuff not a dent and I was really impressed that she owned up as we would never have known but it had to be the one we're trying to sell didn't it

Such a lovely surprise Alex!

Another somewhat unexpected pregnancy complaint here - I've always had chunky strong legs, even when slim. And even though I have gained only reasonable amounts of weight, it has, of course, mostly gathered there as well. So as weather is now quite warm here and I was wearing a skirt for dogwalk yesterday, my thighs were chafing. Ouch. Serious ouch. Covered myself in nappy rash cream for the night. Pear-shaped women who have this problem all the time must really hate summers. Really can't wait to slim down again after the baby is born.

Hazle you are good on bra sizes, right? I just can't decide which size nursing bras to buy! I currently measure 34 inches under the bust and 38 inches at the fullest part. What size do you think I should get? Or should I just buy something like this one which will cover all bases post-birth and then get measured once my boobs have calmed down to a regular size?

Oh, and very impressive honesty from your neighbour Purple although I would still want to knock her out.

cavort At the moment you're around 34D then, and I've read that you usually need to go up a cup size or two, and sometimes down a band size. But as this varies a lot I would get something more flexible right now, people have recommended this:
www.nursingbra-shop.co.uk/ShowDetails.asp?id=112
or this
www.nursingbra-shop.co.uk/ShowDetails.asp?id=321
about 34DD-E size and get more once you know what size you'll be.
Don't get measured at Mothercare of M&S though, they love to stick women in wildly wrong sizes.

Haha that reminds me if the story my best friend told me about sending her DH to buy her nursing bras after bubs was born. They discovered they didn't have a soft tape measure in the house & were trying to measure her with a DIY metal one!!! Goodness knows if she's in the right size but she didn't care as she's always been an A cup & reckons she is now a DD! Think she'll cut out & frame the label!

I haven't gone up a band size while pg so I don't expect to go down a size afterwards, or I will be most surprised if I do. But 34D - woohoo! I have always been a B/C cup depending on the bra so this is fantastic news that they have finally grown! I thought my bras had gotten a bit tight recently so I think I will order myself a couple of those ugly but practical seamless stretchy ones with moulded cups to start wearing now. Thanks Hazle

I've gone from 34c to 36dd.....they are now too big and I'm terrified they will get even bigger by the time baby is here