Graduated Elderberries (thread 2)

[Cavort]

Oops, seems we ran out of room without noticing!

Zombies that's horrible!

"Rightly or wrongly, I was brought up to believe that this sort of thing was simply a part of life." Um, wrongly?

Yeah her parents really did a number on her.
How can parents be like that??

Oh my. That's just shocking. And her parents were so encouraging! It's just wrong

As to the Great Name Debate ... I am a huge fan of Elodie and Eloise, in fact most names that start with vowels (for girls) - my OH has quite a hard-sounding Anglo Saxon name so we need something classical and girlie, and I'm liking vowel names a lot at the moment.

Sooo, every single name I have suggested he has dismissed as chavvy. Elodie and Eloise are apparently chavvy because they 'can be shortened to 'Elle or Ellie''! Also now on the blacklist are Imogen, Iris (was getting desperate and it jumped out at me one day), Agnes, Alice, all flower names (Daisy, Poppy etc are too common in the popular sense of the word, not in class judgement terms, ditto Florence and Olivia), Adelaide, Ada, Eva/Ava, Amelie, also Lucy. Others I had previously tried include Raven and Trinity. They're much more out-there, I admit, but still, I think Raven has a certain ring to it, especially as junior will be black-haired (barring any weird genetic throw-backs).

I fell in love with Ariel the other day until I remembered the small issue of the soap powder. Maybe I'm just horrendous at picking names!

Boys names seem to be less of a problem, mainly because most boys names will go well with the surname. Sebastian is on the shortlist, which we both quite like (he suggested, dammit) but I have concerns about shortened versions clashing with the surname.

I took great comfort in finding out at the weekend that OH's youngest brother was nameless for three days after birth - they had a name for him all through pregnancy, but it didn't seem right when he arrived.

As for Savannah - it's not one I'd choose but conjures up images of a strong young woman with huge potential. Which I think could be worse...!

bear I love some of those! I do think Raven has a bit of a ring to it. What about Ivy? Isla? Fern? Dahlia, Or Lauren which is pretty and quite unusual these days.

Boys names are soooo hard. I am warming to Sebastian after the slating my other choices got last night. Plus my OH loves it. Also like simple boyish names like Daniel, Stuart, Dylan, Ryan, Scott, Isaac, Luke and Edward....as well as Harvey, Dexter.....and Cooper as a 'out their' addition.

Raven is cool! (not for us though, we're both blonde). But Ellie is not chavvy. Or what's his idea of a non-chavvy name then?

If the sonographer is wrong and it's a girl after all, she will be Louisa - simply because Eloise does not work with the surname.

Oh mother I've just seen your thread. Lordy. People love to fight.

Savanna isn't on my list (probably a good thing - you don't want everyone choosing the same names!) but I think it's a lovely name. Yes, I think it's more accepted to spell with an h (do you want my opinions on the spelling ) but it's not an outrageous spelling you're suggesting, just a slightly adapted one. If that's your choice, go for it - it's YOUR choice. Sod them all.

As for Harvey, I LOVE it. We have a family tradition whereby all the men have Harvey as a middle name. Anyway I told DP about this & he was very happy to go along with it. So proudly told my father we'd be carrying it on... then Dad said I didn't have to as the baby wouldn't have my surname! So given it's a name both DP and I love it's on our shortlist (which currently isn't that short, oops!).

haha janey your thought re always welcome. I just felt that all the comments were on spelling and not the name so I tried to firmly say 'look guys forget the spelling, what do you think of the name' alas it was a bad move.
I've had a couple of PMs from people saying they have reported the thread as they felt the people were being harsh so FX it does get taken down.

Louisa is a great name Hazle, I love it but can't use it for the same reasons I can't use Eloise. If our sonographer is wrong, we'll be having James William. I'm not sure if OH knows this yet but I've made my mind up!

I've no idea why people get their knickers in a twist about what other people want to call their children anyway, it's all a personal choice/personal taste and it wouldn't really work too well if we all liked the same would it!

Hazle I think he has a morbid fear of chavviness, which is basically represented by any name I recommend. I have chosen not to feel offended by this!

Harvey is very cool and one that has crossed my mind actually. Like the suggestions Mother Ivy is really nice and Isla is one that's in the next round of ideas, along with Elsa and Ophelia, though Dahlia could work... Was obsessed with the name Lauren when I was younger, but one of my cousins has it as a middle name so may be a bit odd!

The search continues...

I would probably point out the issues if someone wanted to name ther DD Vagheena or similar. But otherwise it's just a matter of taste indeed.

One of my cats is called Elsa, I think it's a lovely name, I named her after the lion in 'Born Free'.

purple I love elsa for the same reason....great minds.

bear the research is because I liked flower and colour names but the OH vetod them...how very rude of him! I quite liked Emerald until my OH said it and it sounded like heameriod

I was almost named Elsa, so that was one of the names on my list as well.

My OHs flight is due to land at 12.30 and I am so impatient, want to see him now. Annoyingly he has about a 2/3 hour journey home so its going to be ages till he is actually here.

Is it wrong that I just sniggered out loud at vagheena Hazle??

Just been having a nosey on the Baby Names forum - the meanness displayed to you Mother really doesn't seem to be the norm, you must have caught Them on a bad day! Someone made the point that Aurelie in certain English northern actions sounds like 'Orally' which I think would be something of a challenge if you lived in the north

Btw Janey that sounds harsh from your dad! Hope it didn't come out as bad as that... We are resolutely not telling anyone IRL - I'm planning to give BB a family middle name, either my nan's or my dad's first names and want it to be a surprise.

Thing is, not that I'm stubborn, but if anyone mentions before the birth that 'wouldn't it be nice to name BB after xyz' that will immediately end. So I hope they don't.

And Louisa is lovely Hazle - definitely works cross-borders as well.

Hope your OH gets back soon Mother!

I dont think I helped matters bear as I was tired an grouchy and got a bit arsey but I certainly paid for it

I love Louisa too, Iv only ever met one girl with that name, its very pretty

I love Elsa too. Great minds...
And no, my Dad is totally awesome, I think he was being nice (meaning I'm free to choose a middle name). But I did take the piss about how mean he was, making our baby an outcast from the family .

OK. Starting a list here, please feel free to contribute.

Things not to say to a pregnant colleague

1. Oh my goodness, look at you! You're ABSOLUTELY HUGE! Wow! When I reached 30 weeks I was still in my normal clothes. Wow! I can't believe I was 2 months ahead of you, but wasn't showing at all. Wow! I bet you can't fit into ANY of your NORMAL clothes! Wow! And you're not even due until July. Wow!

Oh Janey no! What a witch!!

Will defo add when the need arises...

(Glad dad did it in a nice way too!)

on your behalf janey.

from my side:

1. Well of course, with my baby, I stayed home until she was in school. I don't understand why would anybody even have children if they don't want to take care of them? You simply cannot provide them with a decent childhood if you're not there!

Sure, everybody has a right to their opinion, but one might consider before expressing it that the pregnant person in question in might actually plan to return after the maternity leave. Thanks for making me feel like a crap mum before I've even had the kid.

janey hazle did you know its cheaper than you think to hire a hitman

Seriously some people have no clue! I would love to stay at home with baby although may go mad with no adult conversation but we do also need to eat hence I need to earn money. Is that so bad?
Re the woman basically calling you nelly to your face, she has no shame! She has no excuse if she has actually been pregnant, she must just not have any empathy. I'm sure you look fab so ignore the daft bitch.

Oh hazle I had a very similar lecture from a friend of DP the other day. There's no point having them unless you're going to be with them. Thanks. I have a mortgage to pay and we need my salary to do that. I took it with a pinch of salt though as she's 23 or 24 - haha, love my patronising attitude!

mother - that's a fab idea. Sod saving for maternity leave, I'm hiring one!

I love to get those comments from male colleagues. So, you have to be there to be a good parent? And how much time did you take off when you had your DC? Ah, 2 days?

DS will be home with a caring parent, just that this happens to be DH - not quite like being raised by wolves..

I am going to be seen as the worst mother in the world then when I go back to work as we could afford for me to be to be a SAHM but I will be choosing to work to to preserve my own financial independence and sanity. I am sure I will love every second I spend with DD but I still want some kind of adult life as well. I absolutely refuse to turn into one of these baby bores who are unable to talk about anything other than their kids. I'm sure there will be plenty of observers who will say I never should have had a baby with this attitude but fuck em, who cares what strangers think.

Whatever you do, don't read 'How not to f*ck them up' by Oliver James. I read it with the best of intentions, but it's only relevant if you're Kate Middleton and can afford to choose whether or not you return to work, alhtough there is a section that says 'some mothers need to return to work or they get depressed and that's even worse for baby than being put in childcare'.

Also says that boys should not be put in childcare, especially nursery settings, until after 2 years old.

There were some good bits, but all-in-all it's hard to read without getting upset that you're destined to be a terrible mother. I read it 2+years ago, when it came out...

It's funny though what people get used to and start considering normal or the only acceptable option. As I've said, parental leave in Estonia is 3 years. So my mum was of course worried that how will I manage here, when I need to go back when the baby is just 3 months.
Mum, I said, wasn't the maternity leave just 2 months when you had me and DSis? You went back to work then, didn't you?
Oh..says mum.. you're right, I did. Everybody did.

But as everybody is so used to 3-year leave, this seems like a totally crazy idea nowadays.