Ack, just feeling so emotional. Been up since 3am and have an early start. DH's work is busy (family business) and is putting in all hours and bringing office work home, which I normally help with. My family can only ever take DD on a Sunday (this Sunday was refused and they are PO) which by co-incidence is the only day DH gets some time with her. My mum is a lollipop lady so has plenty of free time and lives 20 minutes away, but will not help unless my dad is around. I put my foot in it with MiL this week and sent a text about her to her instead of DH and it was a bit bitchy, have apologised and she has said it's okay, pg hormones and frustration lets forget it. But she cancelled arranged help today (which I was relying on) as I am doing a Nearly New Sale tomorrow and needed to label, bag and load up car without a helpful toddler. Yet she called DH to complain how bored she was and could she come and do something at work, which there wasn't anything for her to do, so she was free, but not for me.
DH has just made me feel awful, saying people don't help when I ask because my standards are too high. For example, to appease MiL requests I said Hoover, mop and put toys in play room and if time wipe the kitchen surfaces over. Instead I got lounge set up as a play house for DD. She'd been through my knitting project bags by my sofa and sorted them into colour coded bags rather than being in bags for specific projects that are being worked on. And she decided to do a load of laundry, she washed wool jumpers (my only maternity jumper and two of DH's neatest gap ones) with his work jeans on a hot wash, then tumble dried them, cried as that jumper was bloody expensive when I was pregnant with DD but it's beautiful. I had to say thank you as she had 'helped' and DH said if I complain then she won't come again. My argument being, it's not help she's given, it's interfering where help wasn't asked for. I don't know how much more simplified the list of what I asked for help on could have been.
I am a perfectionist, but how hard is hoovering/mopping or wiping down the kitchen surfaces? Things I am struggling with and are more important than sorting my balls of wool!
I am stressing that when DC2 arrives he'll be overwhelmed with work and not take paternity leave (like last time) and I'll be asking for help. Not getting any from my family and from his family, help in random areas that aren't helpful. I'm worried about being able to not do so many things and need to do so much, no-one is helping me de-stress, only causing more. DH is very chilled out and is of the attitude, see what happens and then deal with it. I'm the organised, colour coded list maker who likes to be prepared.
So am sat on the sofa making lists and mentally organising myself, though I have to rely on others to do what I ask of them, which won't happen, so have to be prepared to do it myself anyway.
Not expecting a response to that, just needed somewhere to write it all down.