Hey everyone. Thanks so much for congratulations and well wishes. Me and Jess are doing well though I do feel a bit like I've been run over. She is so so cute.
Am still reading (mostly one handed while breastfeeding) and especially thinking of those being induced today. Wantanorange I hope all goes well for you, that was the same situation I was in a few days ago but labour started that day for me.
I don't want to write anything negative about the birth as I'm very aware everyone is waiting to give birth currently and lots of us are first time mums. I did find it really really hard and painful but with 24 hours retrospective I'm proud of myself and have no regrets.
So what happened was, my waters broke really dramatically on Friday night/sat morning, 1am. I got up to go to the loo and they just gushed everywhere, huge amounts. Contractions started immediately - mild ones, about 8 minutes apart. I was excited cause I thought this was the start and called the hospital to check what I needed to do. They said call back around 7am and let them know if things had progressed. I also called my friend the midwife who was hoping to come to the birth and she said she'd come to Sheffield right away. I tried to go to sleep but was too distracted so stood up swaying through them and by 7am they were coming every 2 minutes, still very manageable. So I thought I was in labour. However when my friend turned up they calmed right down to every 8 minutes apart. I called the hospital back who said I needed to come in for swabs.
It was a good experience at the hospital. The midwife was really nice. She said I wasn't in established labour but probably would become so later. She said I would need to be induced/augmented the next day if I hadn't delivered the baby because of the infection risk. I said "oh, I thought it was within 72 hours..." and she said, "ah - are you having a home birth?" and was really nice about it and went off to speak to the reg without me asking, came back and said they'd give me 48 hours instead. So I had an induction date for monday morning.
She monitored the baby for half an hour and took some swabs and told me I was 2cm dilated and she could see hair! This was a massive boost. She was really nice and said to me, "good luck, don't think I'll see you again, you'll just go and have your baby at home before tomorrow, it will be fine" and I went home happy.
Spent the day in frustrating latent phase labour. The contractions would ramp up and get more intense and more frequent and I'd think I was getting somewhere, and then they would ease off and slow down. Pacing heated them up, lying down made them easier. I got myself worried and worked up about labour never really starting. My friend told me to get some sleep in the end while she and my boyfriend set up the birthing pool. I had a rest and the contractions almost completely stopped. About an hour later they came back much stronger and more frequent but I didn't want to believe I was in labour in case I was calling the midwife too early. In the end I called her at around 9pm after 18 hours of contractions, I was already tired, though they were still bearable with breathing at that point. She turned up at 10pm with all the kit and when she examined me at 11pm I was 6cm. Boyfriend thought this was brilliant but I could only think "that's a long way to go...!" Baby's heartrate was great, baby was happy. I was beginning to find the contractions a lot more painful and went in the pool, which helped loads. I also started using gas and air which worked brilliantly for a couple of hours.
The next 4 hours or so just got more and more intense. All the hypnobirthing stuff seemed totally irrelevant and impossible and I just clung to gas and air and tried to survive. Midwife made me get out the pool because she said it was slowing my contractions down and all I could think was "but I can't take them being any worse". But I did get out. Then I was having a lot of pressure rectally but I've been constipated for ages and didn't really have a clear out before labour and I didn't really think I needed to push yet... however midwife thought I might be in transition and called the second midwife.
The next bit was the absolute worst. She examined me and said I was 8cm and had taken 4 and half hours to go from 6cm to 8cm which was a bit slow. I think I started crying! She thought this was because there was still a pocket of waters bulging above the head which was preventing the head from coming down on the cervix naturally. She said she could rupture them which would speed things up. I said yes. She did that, I was on my back on the sofa and it was probably the most awful thing I've ever experienced, I was just wailing in pain, I didn't realise how much it would hurt. Contractions went mental then but I'd got it in my head I was only progressing 1/2 cm an hour and kept telling myself it would be four hours until I'd get to push. I thought I was dying and this was the bit where all my beliefs and self confidence disappeared and I said I didn't want to be at home, I wanted this to end, I wanted to go to hospital and get an epidural, I was crying and telling them all (both midwives, my boyfriend, my friend) that I wasn't progressing and I was a failure and I was just going to end up being sectioned but even that wouldn't happen for hours because it wasn't an emergency, my body was just not working. All that. My boyfriend was ashen. Whilst I was saying it I knew it was hopeless. I was safe and baby was safe, even if I went to the hospital all that would happen was I'd get an epidural but it wouldn't be urgent and probably wouldn't happen for hours.
Midwife said she would examine me again once two hours had passed - it was awful. I lost control of my breathing and started howling, though I managed to get it back at times. I was so totally convinced I was going to be going to hospital for "failure to progress" I didn't believe her at all when she said I was 10cm. This was about... 5am.
The second stage is a blur. I only know what happened because I talked about it with my friend afterwards. I was so tired I was falling asleep between contractions. I was squatting, my boyfriend was holding me up, I think he nearly died too! The midwives and my friend were shouting at me to push and I tried but I had NOTHING left. For some reason I thought I was pushing really badly and despairing about that too, but in fact I was pushing brilliantly and the reason why they were all shouting at me was because baby's heartrate had dropped and they were anxious to get her out quickly. I don't know if they told me this, I wasn't aware of it at the time.
Most surreal moment ever is where I actually left my body and when I returned there were just these women I didn't know shouting push! I didn't even know where I was.
But then they were saying I was doing amazing and boyfriend was saying he could see the head. Then the midwife was discussing an episiotomy with me to get the baby out quicker. I didn't care at all at that point and said "whatever you need to do is fine". An utterly weird few minutes followed where the two midwives were pulling and poking at my perineum and saying "my god, look at this pelvic floor! Look at this perineum! I can't cut this, this is the best one I've ever seen" and my friend was saying "she does loads of hiking, she's crazy fit!" So I escaped an episiotomy for all my walking, mental eh! I did the second stage in 40 minutes which they said afterwards was really good for a primip.
Then I was delivering - the "ring of fire" bit hurt for sure but I knew it was the end and it was short so manageable. I listened to the midwife and pushed and panted when she said and head came out then body. It was the strangest most satisfying sensation ever. Baby was a bit floppy but an ok colour, with a huge monstrous misshapen head. I grabbed her and rubbed her and sobbed and sobbed. She came round and started crying.
After the birth I was still feeling too traumatised to be relieved. Boyfriend and midwives and my friend were telling me I'd been amazing but I felt like I'd been horrendous, out of control, naive for thinking I could do it. I think I cried a lot. There were some horrid bits - delivering the placenta really hurt - and they had to put a catheter in briefly cause I couldn't wee - and examining for tears was unbearable I had to get back on the gas and air. But! I had no tears, just one small graze, and the placenta did come out on its own without needing the injection, and once all that was done I could breastfeed my baby who was being cuddled by her daddy and trying to suck his nipples. She latched on really well and fed for 45 minutes which was amazing.
After this it was lovely being at home. The midwives ate cake, packed up and left. I had a shower, took my baby to bed.
I hope this story isn't offputting. With 24 hours to think about it I'm proud of myself and I feel privileged to have experienced a "normal" delivery.My friend has done lots of home births and I think a lot of people manage them fine so I don't want to put anyone off! She said she thought mine was more intense and difficult than many.
So that's my story. The newborn bit is just lovely. Will try to stay in touch between feeds. Love you all. Squid xx and jess xxx