November 2012 - baby shopping time has really taken off

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1505839-November-2012-nearer-the-end-than-the-beginning

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yw that is so sad :(

Personally, I don't think leaving a baby to cry is right, they obviously cry for a reason and being baby led is the only way I could do it. Early days, imo, don't require routine. My DD settled in to her own routine at 4 mnths and I have always just gone along with what she's done.
She's a very happy, sociable little thing nowadays and has a good routine that she got herself into. Books are fine for guidance but as someone else said, I think it's best to just ignore the things you don't like and not put any pressure on yourself or your child as it's so different for everyone.

I loved Gina Ford. Read it before DD was born and thought it was ridiculous. Then, 6 weeks in and struggling with the chaos, I reverted to it for an idea of what an approximate day with a 6 week old might look like in terms of daily sleep and a vague pattern to it (felt like I was always feeding her when she cried but didnt have confidence on own to determine it was sleep or whatever that she actually needed).

It is very rigid and specific, so I used it as a general guide for timings and an approximate pattern to follow. I ignored anything that didnt work for me and adapted the plan to suit some personal stuff, and I never bothered to express when recommended. But by and large, we followed it.

The reason I think it worked for me is partly because I didnt follow it to the letter so never felt like we were 'failing', partly because DD seemed to react quite well and it may have been sheer dumb luck that I sought a routine at the same time she was falling into one quite naturally, but mainly because I needed a routine for me. I am a control freak structured, organised person and couldnt cope with the chaos.

I think my point is, this worked for me as a parent because it suited my personality and general approach. I wonder whether it worked for DD because ultimately it was working for me? I am a big believer in happy parent, contented child. Find something that strikes a chord with you personally. Of course, am fully prepared to eat those words when DC2 arrives and decides s/he is not going to be content in a routine despite me and DD liking it, and will disprove the whole theory!!

We don't do routine really. Never have done. Not through lack of me wanting a little more routine, but more that as a shift worker, routine does not work in my life!! Not when I work full time anyway.

So, we will be baby led! I follow tits school of thinking. Crying is usually for hunger/nappy change/tired/bored/cuddles/wind. Sometimes for pain. But you learn to tell the difference.

Babies can only communicate through crying. It is their way of talking to you! I think I'd feel rude not to listen

DS was a right crank, but I knew from the start that all he ever wanted was to be mobile. He loved to be upright and bounced. I spent 4 months of his life with him being bounced on my knee. Got permanent leg shakes from it, but, oh well! He whinged his way to 10 months, when he got on his feet and finally got what he wanted! Since then he has been the most perfect, chilled out child ever! He never ever had a temper tantrum. (dreading that this time around!!) so I think as a parent you really do understand your own baby and what they want and need. And if they want routine, great, give it to them! But if not, don't go thinking you are doing something wrong! Remember we are all individual and so are our babies!

Off for my 25 week appointment today, clutching my birth plan to my chest I'll update with any fall out later!

I found GF quite helpful in establishing a routine with DD1 , and I found some of her ideas very helpful. I used her plan as a rough guideline, and DD pretty much followed it, sleeping through from 6 weeks. I EBF too, so it can work sometimes. It depends on mum and child. I like routines, as does DD1. When I met DD 2 it was clear very quickly that she thought GF was a twat, and I had to fit her into DD1s routine anyway, with meals, nursery, bedtime etc.

There is no 'manual' that will cover every child, but I think there is some sense in most, and I found it helpful reading around. This was before I discovered Mumsnet. My life has changed so much since then

Good luck Detective.

I have my third 20 wk scan today (at 24 weeks). Hoping to finally complete it!

Hello all,

Nice to see a bit of controversy! I bought the Gina Ford contended baby book because it was colour and has pictures of how to bath them, pick them up and change nappies. That is the level I need.

As far as the rest goes, after flicking through the chapters, I turned to DH and said "as far as I can see, if it cries it is either tired, hungry, in pain, bored or needed changed." I found reading the book helpful purely in a rough guide sort of a way. I am also a strong advocate of ignoring the bits you don't like. I almost see it as a bit like when I was planning a wedding. I bought all the magazines and read all the 'how to' guides but laughed in scorn and some and took on board others.

I am pretty certain that the advice and guidance I get on here will be more than worth the £15 I spent on Gina.

Another dreich day here.

So guys, I am meant to be seeing MW at 26 weeks, ie next week. It will be a struggle getting a lift, dragging 2kids, cast and bump into the village. Should I ask for a home visit at a time that suits them, or cancel? I am doing fine, have done this twice before etc.

Thanks rowing and Yellow on ur thoughts and mentioning baby whisper. I have been recommended that book as well.

My plan like many of u was to read and then pick n choose what I like.

Prob is living with mother in law is she has her views on everything. So I wana get as many ideas of how to deal with things myself so I have other advice I can use. N my own ideas of what I would like. Just so I feel a little more confident when I ignore her! Lol.

GTbaby - imagine you might need to practice a few key stock phrases. May I suggest:
"its amazing how the advice changes, isn't it?"
"I'm very lucky to have DC now when the current advice is backed up by so much research"
"did you really do it like that? Gosh, things have moved on a lot, haven't they?"

I cannot imagine living with MIL with a new baby. You have my sympathies, but at least you have a built-in babysitter. I am guessing there may be a few cultural differences too, unless I have you confused with someone else. My MIL was very anti- breastfeeding.

Oh, and in relation to books, my brother gave me this book and I found it really good. Presents a general overview of what the current advice is, tells you about different approaches without favouring either type, was sufficiently basic for my needs (had never changed a nappy before DD and was completely clueless) and was humourous as well - there is a section on relationships post-baby and how they change, including sex. There is a very funny line about how your DP should be asked whether, if he had pooed a watermelon, would he like anything going back up until he was quite ready? Would definitely recommend to anyone wanting something reader friendly that doesnt take itself too seriously and was really helpful to me as well as Gina.

Good luck Detective and MadamGazelle

I'm 23 weeks today and got an appointment with the midwife at 1.20. Looking forward to hearing baby again, plus I'm happy because it's finally friday and I have booked a holiday for next May It will be me, DP, the baby, my parents, my brother and his girlfriend. A week all inclusive to Ibiza. It's a nice 4 star hotel on a private beach with a brand new waterpark right next to the hotel that we get free unlimited access to. Woohoo!

I think it's worth having a baby book, probably any baby book, because you can get some ideas from it. Anything you read and don't agree with just ignore - this goes for all baby advice unless you hear it from me in which case it's gospel lol!

I had and still have a lot of problems with feeding my children but Penelope Leach'a advice in Baby & Child was that as long as they get a balanced diet over the week, it doesn't really matter what they eat within a single day. I found that really helpful and I'm glad I had the book.

I have never read Gina Ford although my SIL stuck to it rigidly, so much so that she was making her 4yo go to bed at 6pm every night the silly twit and wondering why she wouldn't sleep.

The issue I have with routines is that my DS1 has ADHD and Aspergers and is likely gifted to boot (FIL has a ridiculously high IQ) and there's no way he could have coped with a conventional routine for his age group, he is a one-off and needs to be treated as such, even now at age nine.

Someone bought this for my SIL and her DH. Not sure if it was useful but it certainly gave them a laugh. hope link works as on phone.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0762424915/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1342782127&sr=8-1

Ouch Dixie that sounds painful! Hopefully the antibiotics kick in and work soon!

valium hope you don't have to have your ankle in plaster to long

Congratulations chick team blue! :) is there many others left with scans to have?

stunt try not to get to stressed with your job it's such crap timing but like others have said, fingers crossed being pregnant goes in your favor!

rowing I hope your DH feels better soon and they've found the problem! Take care of yourself too

Good luck with your hospital appointment today tits

fattima so you rate the dream genii then? Really thinking in going to have bite te bullet and get one

Good luck detective, madam and apple today

I haven't got or read any baby books but thinking maybe we should have one at home as I'm sure there's going to be many times when were unsure and would be good to have something to peak in. Routine wise think we'll just go along being baby led as many of you ladies have said of she crys then it's got to be for a reason but we will see :)

Just to let you know toys r u are doing a promo for 20% off I you type in JULY20 or of if you go in there website in sure there's a way to print the voucher off, if not let me no an I can PM the link I have for it, you can print the voucher off again and again and it still works. Not sure if that's of use to anyone but wort letting you know. Oh and it's only on for the next 3 days so ends Sunday

Valium its so interesting that you say your MIL is anti-breastfeeding...I too have encountered almost jealousy and been made to feel selfish that I choose to exclusively breastfeed my child myself and that no one else gets a chance...ha ha ha ...I love it !

I'm finally back from the hospital.

They want to test me for Ru factor antibodies??
And they've moved my due date to the 9th which is actually DS2's birthday
I've been sent to the physio for my knackered hips.

They tried to scan Not do little bean but he was once again not co operating, far more interested in pretending to be asleep, although as soon as she stopped scanning he went mad and had a jig.

I would phone the MW and ask if they can do a home visit Valium what have you lost if they say 'no'??

Hope MW appts go ok. Mine was v short on Tuesday, but all fine. HB heard easily so my fretting over less movements on Monday night was unwarranted, as it was prob just my stress/tiredness with DD that caused it. DD has a chest infection but the antibiotics are doing the job.

Rowing hope your DP feels better. Had my appendix out last October, after having an encapsulated appendicitus in Jan last yr. No pain (other than from op) or other issues since, although getting a stitch/niggles on my right side now as I get bigger.

Dixie hope you feel better soon too.

Stuntnun hope everything goes well with the application. Best of luck - not the best timing, but when does life ever make it easy huh??!

Re; GF. Never read her. Didn't like the idea of forcing my baby into a routine that wasn't theirs. Luckily DD was a fairly routine baby - would wake, feed, play for hr or so, need a nap for an hr etc every morning by about 6wks, so was relatively easy. I'm much more of the Tits school of thinking although did make sure I was aware of the research & tried to give DD the best chance at life, by BFing, how she slept, baby-led weaning & so on. Mostly I trusted my instinct, but I think its horses for courses; if you think your baby would benefit from a routine, then use what suits you. I would argue though, that if you don't follow GF religiously, you're not following GF; you're just using common sense and doing what suits you/baby. Afterall, all babies have their own patterns of eating/sleeping etc they're not doing anything that radical like sky diving....

Nervous dream genii is great!! :)

Terrible 2s have hit the Chicken household. Oh joy!!

The tits school of thinking. Now that is a good title for a book.

Mother in law was told that breastfeeding was not the best thing for her baby. Formula was all the rage in 1970.

Mother in law believes all babies should be fed 4hourly. Anything else is pandering to them, and making a rod for your own back.

Mother in law thinks if someone has to breast feed, it should be in private, even in your own home.

My mum, however, was raised in the Exclusive Brethren, so had no idea what was happening in the real world, and fed us all.

My Aunt was a hippie type, and I remember one of my earliest memories of her feeding one of her many babies, and thinking it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

Mother in law also thinks grandchildren lose their charm at a year, and will ignore older siblings.

Nervous I've only had it one night but so far so good. If you get it, shop around. We bought it at John Lewis for £34.95, next door in Mamas and Papas it was £46

Can you knowledgable ladies help me write a list of questions to ask the consultant next week please?
Bit of background... DH and I had IVF due to male factor infertility. After the 7 week scan the clinic signed us off and was happy with us to continue under NHS care for the pregnancy.

Where I live you have the option of one hospital 20 mins away with a Midwife Led Birthing Centre or a hospital 30mins away (same NHS trust) with a Midwife led birthing centre on the ground floor or a Consultant led LDRP ward on the second floor. If anything happens at the first hospital (need an epidural or emcs) you are blue lighted to the second hospital.

Anyway, at my booking in appointment I was told that because I am an IVF pregnancy i have to go to the Consultant led LDRP ward. This is because of a slightly increased risk of still birth, I've done some research and the study I think it is based on is here
My care is all midwife led apart from this consultant appointment unless he decides otherwise.

I've done a bit of reading from other women with IVF pregnancies. Depending on their NHS trust policies their care differs. Some have no extra care and can use a birth centre, some have extra scans, some are not allowed to go overdue.

So basically I want to make sure I ask enough questions so I know where I stand. I would like either a water birth or to use the birthing pool as pain relief but I don't know if this would be less likely in the consultant led unit than a birth centre. I also don't want to be pushed in to an induction at 40 weeks just because it's IVF.

Sorry for such a long post

Appointment went well. Blood pressure fine and baby's heartbeat was measuring 156bpm. Midwife said he's a busy little baby

Titsalina I've also got knackered hips that ache all the time and been given the physio's number in case they get any worse. I'll probably just get on with it unless the pain becomes really unbearable.

I'm currently watching One Born Every Minute, is this a bad idea?

I love One Born Every Minute but I?m careful not to put it on when DP is around or he is likely to freak out. He's so naive, he hasn't got a clue what is coming bless him!