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231 replies

bubble99 · 22/02/2005 11:58

I am actually Bubble's husband but I'm posting this on her behalf as I know some of you have becomes friends with her during this pregnancy.

She went into hospital last week to have a standard induction. To cut a long and painful story short, some six hours later she was rushed into an emergency caesarian and two boys were delivered. Sadly, the second twin was still-born. We are very hurt and sad at the moment as there was nothing wrong with the health of the child. The, usually fantastic, medical staff made some bad decisions and it has cost our son's life.

The surviving twin has now come out of intensive care and is called Elijah, or Jah-Jah Binks to his brothers (8lb 1oz). The other twin is called Bo (7lb 7oz). The sizes give you some idea of why she went for induction.

She says she'll update you all when she comes out of hospital, hopefully by the end of the week.

One last thing: My views of medics have inevitably been altered by this experience. Alhtough we are blessed with some of the highest trained and conscientious medical staff you could hope to find, I would ask any of you to question them endlessly in the event of a complication during the pregnancy or birth. Find out EXACTLY what the problem is, what the possible courses of action or inaction are and why they have come to the decision they have made. They are the specialists but I feel now more than ever that as an intelligent lay person you should be at least able to know ALL the criteria they are basing their decisions on. We were given no warning, told that everything was just fine even though we now know that our babies should have been removed within the hour, not after six. Had the medical staff been more open about their thinking and decision-making process we could have two babies today instead of one. Put simply, annoy them senseless with questions and make sure their personal feelings are not affecting clinical decisions.

P.S. Thanks for all being such good friends to my wife (It keeps her of my back during the evening )

OP posts:
Marina · 22/02/2005 12:12

bubble99, congratulations to you all on the birth of Elijah. I am so very sorry to hear that Bo died. I had a premature stillbirth two years ago and found SANDS very supportive. They have registers of befrienders for specific situations like yours, where one twin survives but the other dies, and you will find them a mine of information and understanding sympathy.
I hope that you get some answers from the hospital. PALS (Patient Advisory and Liaison Service), or a bereavement midwife, or the chaplaincy, may be able to help you with your concerns about how the medical staff handled the boys' birth.
Much love to you all.

Pagan · 22/02/2005 12:12

I'm so sorry to hear about little Bo. Glad to hear that everyone else is fine. Hope that you are all feeling better soon.


Kelly1978 · 22/02/2005 12:13

I'm expecting twins soon, and I'm in floods. It makes you so angry too, when these things happen unecessarily.

I can't imagine how you must be feeling with the loss of poor Bo. Congratulations on the birth of Elijah, I love the name. Hope bubbles is recovering ok from the surgery. Lots of hugs to her.

beansprout · 22/02/2005 12:14

Welcome to Elijah. Rest in peace little Bo.
Hope you are all well xxxx

serenequeen · 22/02/2005 12:14

congratulations on the birth of elijah. so, so sorry to hear of the loss of bo

Twiga · 22/02/2005 12:15

Warmest wishes to you all as a family, congratulations on the birth of Elijah. So sorry about Bo {{{hugs}}} .

Prufrock · 22/02/2005 12:16

Welcome to Elijah, and my sympathy on the loss of Bo.
I can't begin to imagine the emotional turmoil that you must both be going through now. But someone at sands may be able to help you to cope with this.

lisalisa · 22/02/2005 12:17

Message withdrawn

RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 12:18

I know exactly how you are feeling

We lost DT1 aged five and half hours old due to prematurity and other factors

DT2 was in ITU for 3 months.

We wanted to be congratulated on both twins

Not quite sure how you feel about that

sending cyberhugs to you all {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}including Elijah and Bo

If you want to CAT me to chat I am nearly always here.

HunkerMunker · 22/02/2005 12:22

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of Bo, but so happy to hear about Elijah. You must all be feeling such a mixture of emotion - I cannot begin to understand. Hugs to you all.

JanH · 22/02/2005 12:23

Oh, Kanga

LIZS · 22/02/2005 12:25

LGJ , I'm right with you. Mr Bubbles, you are so brave to have posted so eloquently at such an emotionally turbulent time for your family. Do hope you can start to enjoy Elijah, despite your pain, and sending you sympathies for the loss of little Bo.


motherinferior · 22/02/2005 12:26

I am so, so, so sorry. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but I am thinking of you.

I know your son Elijah will bring you untold joy. I hope that some day some of the untold pain will also be blunted.

bundle · 22/02/2005 12:28

all of the bubbles family are in my thoughts, especially elijah and bo, x

RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 12:28

Have you taken lots of photos of Bo?

And maybe some of them together

Snugs · 22/02/2005 12:31

Welcome to little Elijah, so sorry for the loss of Bo

mears · 22/02/2005 12:32


I am so shocked to read your post. Please ensure you get a full discussion on what happened and why decisions were made the way they were. I presume from your post that both boys' heartbeats were present at the start of labour. Please convey my deepest sympathy to Bubble. As a midwife I hope that you are both being kept fully informed and that you are being guided for support to SANDS as mentioned earlier. I am so sad that you will now be making preparations for a funeral as well as celebrating a birth. Thinking of you all, mearsx

cat82 · 22/02/2005 12:36

I am so sorry. You have 2 perfect angels, 1 has his wings and i hope you all feel his feathers carrying you back to strength.
Heart felt sympathys to your family and welcome baby elijah xx

Lonelymum · 22/02/2005 12:40

OMG bubble and Mr bubble, I am so shocked to read this. I have logged on every day to see if the bubble twins had been born yet and it is so sad to see that poor little Bo didn't make it. I must offer my congratulations on lovely little Elijah too, but I am just at a loss to know how you must be feeling right now. I hope your beautiful baby and your other children are a comfort to you and that you are able to find peace in your hearts for what happened to Bo. Loads of love to you, Lonelymum

emmatmg · 22/02/2005 12:40

I'm so sorry to hear this about your little Bo.

Congraulations for Elijah too.

toomanypushchairs · 22/02/2005 12:43

I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling.Also crying as I read this. My twin boys are being so naughty but I am so grateful they are both here. Glad Elijah is doing well,and I hope you will be able to enjoy him. with much love XXX

Twiglett · 22/02/2005 12:44

Congratulations on the birth of Elijah

I am so so sorry for the loss of Bo

I wish you strength and serenity in the coming nights as you deal with your joy and grief

chocfreeclary · 22/02/2005 12:47

What a moving and heartfelt post from you Mr Bubbles. Congratulations on your two lovely boys, I am just so sorry that Bo did not survive. I hope Elijah will grow and be strong and go some way to compensate for the tragic loss of his little brother. Well done to you all.
Some lovely posts on here as well, I?m blubbing inside.

pupuce · 22/02/2005 12:48

I am totally shocked and Bubble was doing so well.
Welcome to Elijah I hope he brings you much joy and happiness. I am so sorry to hear about Bo's faith, it is very very sad indeed.
Please give Bubble a big from me (we talked quite a bit last week). I hope she feels she can come back on mumsnet for support.
In these terrible times, medics (after their "errors") can become very helpful, gentle and supportive. I hope this proves true for you too.
Hugs from Pupuce

suzywong · 22/02/2005 12:50

I think Twiglett speaks for me too

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