Birth announcement hell

[NaatQ968]

Hi, really new here. Only found out I was pregnant for the first time a few days ago.

So I am basically the black sheep of the family. The last thought of etc and my other sisters are the gems in the family. I guess I had a bit of a harder life than them… I’m almost 30 and my youngest sister is 11.

So anyways - I’ve never had luck in any part of my life and I don’t usually do things the way society expects us women to do so. I haven’t had the best love life, to be honest I couldn’t be bothered in the last couple of years, until I met my now partner who completely swept me off my feet, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and everyone seems to be happy for me. But my dad has always been quite nasty about the way he “cares” and offers “advice”…. So the day before I found out I was pregnant I went to visit him and he starts screaming at me about me wanting a baby - that my partner will just leave me and my life will be ruined and I’ll have messed up my job too, but on the same hand said “if I got pregnant tomorrow he’d be happy for me” He’s been horrible to me since I was a teenager because I took my mums side in the divorce. I can’t speak to him about anything because I always leave his house feeling like the worst human being - so crap about myself and I then don’t want to go back for a few weeks so I avoid him.

This is supposed to be a happy time and all my time is thinking about my dads reaction… can someone help me feel differently about this?
_
Couple of family members are judgemental and always have been to me, causing me anxiety and I close myself off from them a lot.

Thank you for reading_

@Totalwasteofpaper

Def have people with you if you think it will help you.

I'd also recommend explicitly telling people what you need throughout pregnancy. Everything from "I need you to tell my dad to pack it in and STFU if he starts on one" to "I just need you to be extra kind today" to "I need you to hand me my phone as I can't bend and reach it easily"

I'm 36 weeks now and generally feeling pretty calm and cool. third trimester has been the best for me by far and my DH has really stepped up and been super supportive.

Yes I'm gonna need to start really communicating better with everyone what my expectations are.

36 weeks, wow how exciting you must be so happy ❤️❤️

@cdba88 the OP is hurt by what her dad said but she also said he’s kind and she really loves him. To be fair he said what he said without knowing she was pregnant and he hasn’t actually been told yet and might realise that he overstepped the other day and react in a much more positive way.

To be clear - I’m not excusing what he said as he really was talking to her like a child.

We’ve heard a tiny snippet of one interaction from their 30+ year relationship. Definitely not dads finest moment. When my mum did the same it was hurtful and insensitive but it didn’t define our relationship. Perhaps it will be the same for the OP.

Let us know how it goes when you tell him @NaatQ968 if you feel happy to share. Good luck

He isn't a horrible person but he’s often horrible to YOU. So I don’t see it’s relevant as he isn’t a horrible person (also not sure I believe that but that’s different). would it be relevant if you were assaulted by someone that actually they had never assaulted anyone else, or only occasionally? Absolutely not. I would not tell him in person, tell him as a fact, when you feel ready, and if you get any kind of unpleasant reply a firm ‘We are very happy and looking forward to it.’ And then leave it. I think pregnancy might be good timing to concentrate on you and let your dad in when suits and when he’s behaving. Otherwise, no.

[quote DragonMovie]@cdba88 the OP is hurt by what her dad said but she also said he’s kind and she really loves him. To be fair he said what he said without knowing she was pregnant and he hasn’t actually been told yet and might realise that he overstepped the other day and react in a much more positive way.

To be clear - I’m not excusing what he said as he really was talking to her like a child.

We’ve heard a tiny snippet of one interaction from their 30+ year relationship. Definitely not dads finest moment. When my mum did the same it was hurtful and insensitive but it didn’t define our relationship. Perhaps it will be the same for the OP.

Let us know how it goes when you tell him @NaatQ968 if you feel happy to share. Good luck[/quote]
Thank you for your kind words, it is difficult. My dad had always been my bestfriend, but in my teens he missed out on a lot of time with me and my sister (who is 5 years younger) I feel he treats her with respect and doesn't give me any regardless of what I do. This conversation about saying kids will ruin my life was in the same breath as him saying he'd be happy for me. It's a confusing situation to be in, I'm trying to stay happy and positive as this pregnancy was not planned but I am over the moon. But I'm being cautious. I just feel apart from my partner, (because we aren't telling anyone yet) I have no one to speak to... except you guys. So thank you for your kind words ❤️❤️

So... I have an update!

Told my dad.... he was happy. So happy. He has been giving me advice and making sure I'm okay. The complete opposite of what I expected! So that's a massive weight taken off, I was so shocked at the response I cried!!

Thank you all for your encouraging and kind words ❤️❤️