I spoilt the gender surprise for my mum :(

[JackieBrown63]

I feel awful. My husband and I wanted to find out the gender of our baby at our 20-week scan. We didn't care either way it went just couldn't wait any longer and it's made us feel closer to our little baby boy. My mum didn't want to find out the sex until birth but after only one week of knowing, I accidentally let slip it was a boy while talking about viewing houses. I feel terrible and like an idiot for letting it slip and she seemed pretty upset too. What can I do? If I was going to tell her I would have liked her to find out a "nicer" way than that. Any advice would be appreciated TIAx

It’s her problem OP.

I chose not to find out the sex of my DC and my grandmother was a right arsehole about it. Ruining the whole point of wanting it a surprise for me.

I'm not understanding the drama. The baby is yours and your husbands - not your mothers! I've never heard of trying to make the gender a surprise for GPs. She'll get over it..

I honestly don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP. It’s up to you whether you want to find out the gender or not.

What I would do is tell her to get over herself and prepare some firm boundaries for when your baby is born

Talk about your kid however you want, your mother has no business whatsoever getting ‘upset’ about other peoples affairs. Ridiculous. She’s upset about her grandchild’s genitals? Tell her to get a fucking grip.

Suggest she gets a grip in the interests of her not continuing to make the rest of your pregnancy, birth and newborn parenting mysteriously about her!

Honestly, I get irritated anyway with the people (whether they're the parents to be or wider family) who behave as though the 'reveal' of the sex of the unborn baby is some massive surprise. I mean, it's either a girl or a boy. It's like making a huge deal about whether a coin falls heads or tails!

She needs to get over herself. Ignore.

She's being silly. Has she given you any other statements about what you should and shouldn't be doing with the baby - because is so, I would be assertive with her on those too now to make your life easier after the birth

Fgs it’s YOUR baby. You’ve done nothing wrong. She isn’t entitled to a big ‘gender surprise’ moment

You do nothing, it’s your baby not your mums. You wanted to know, no doubt you want to talk about your son. Your mum needs to get over it

I know parents sometimes prefer to wait until birth but I’ve never heard of extended family members requesting it. Parents who don’t find out until birth find out themselves when they first see their baby. Either way, a grandparents is going to be told the news, probably more likely over the phone if waiting until birth (unless she expected you to call and say “we’ve had the baby, come and change a nappy to discover the sex”).
What possible difference can it make to her when she’s told.

It's your baby, not your mum's! Don't feel bad about it, embrace the pregnancy! Mum will get over it soon & will probably start buying stuff for him 💙

Your mother is being ridiculous. It’s normal to find out the sex of a baby as early as 10 weeks, especially if you need genetic testing (as I did) to ensure the pregnancy is viable. I don’t see why you should have to dance around her and hide it just because she’s being precious about some imaginary “surprise”. Tell her to grow up.

Just tell he the has 3 legs and that bit was going to be a surprise but she is such a misery you are telling her it now...
Bonkers woman.

Thank you again for the advice. To be honest she has been super supportive but it is clear we are going through pregnancy at different times and things aren't the same now as they used to be. It sounds mad but I really am enjoying this pregnancy (minus morning sickness yikes!) ! I love talking about him and boring the pants off of anyone who will listen lol. My husband and I are excited for the future of our new family together so we are just happy she knows now because I hate secrets and it was hard enough not telling everyone about the pregnancy to begin with.

This annoys me so much. Why do people think it's okay to burden a pregnant mum with the extra responsibility of keeping a secret about their own baby, just so someone else can have a "surprise"?! It's so childish and selfish! It's actually really annoying and tiresome to have to remember not to mention anything that gives away the gender. I did go along with this when I was pregnant and my dad wanted me to keep the gender a secret from him, and it was bloody annoying.

My dad also kept moaning about what a shame it was that my husband and I decided to find out the gender in the first place, and what a nice surprise it would be to wait until birth. I understand why some people choose to have the "surprise" but for those of us who don't, I don't think any of us get to the wondrous moment of birth and feel that this life-changing moment was made more disappointing or mediocre by the fact that we already knew the gender...

Honestly, this might be the best thing that could have happened OP, you'd be tiptoeing round it all pregnancy, believe me I know! My DP's dad was the same. We pandered to it with DD which meant we had to watch everything we said, couldn't tell people (we aren't gender reveal sort of people haha, but it would have been nice to be able to say "she" without worrying). By this pregnancy I was more assertive and told him perfectly politely that we wouldn't tell him if he didn't want to know but we did know and would be telling people who asked. I'm sure he must know, not least because DD keeps talking about her incoming little brother!. But he hasn't said anything and I'd be unimpressed if he was annoyed by it. Your mum is being unfair and needs to get a grip frankly, this isn't about her.

Snowisfallinghere - you get it! It is SO hard to keep a secret. I can't say "he", I can't tell her about the toys or clothes I bought or how we are decorating his room and my best friend (who is arranging a baby shower for me - not my choice but why not lol) is asking me how are we going to invite my mum along when everyone attending knows the gender? I am glad it ended up this way. I just would have liked to tell her nicely rather than her being upset with me about it. She, like your Dad, doesn't like the fact that we found out. To us, it makes no difference to find out now or later on. It just added a little bit of fun halfway through our pregnancy and something for us to look forward to.