18 and pregnant

[eryn2001]

I'm 18 and just found out I'm pregnant with my first child. I have absolutely no idea how to tell my family out of fear they will think I'm a disgrace.
I am still with the father who is 20 and my boyfriend of about two years. He is aware of the pregnancy and although we were both shocked, we've agreed that keeping the baby is the best thing for us.
Any suggestions of how to break the news to my family?

First of all congratulations. I had to announce an unplanned pregnancy to my parents in my 20s. They were both shocked but they did come round and soon adored being grandparents. Give them time it will be ok.
Is your boyfriend supportive?

Stand proud op. Do not announce it like an apology.
I had a dd at 17. No regrets or shame.
She is 30 now and truly amazing!!
Congratulations!!

Bluejelly, thank you for being the first person to say congratulations!
My boyfriend thankfully is supportive and so is his family as I am closer with his mum than I am my own so told her straight away. So I am not alone and neither is my baby if my family turn me away. I'm just nervous because my family are traditional Christians

Reinsmummy,
Thank you for your suggestion

Congratulation!! I had my first much younger than you and I think the way to go is don’t be ashamed. If you act like it’s a bad thing when you talk about it then your family will pick up on that and treat it like it is. If you go in with your head held high and announce you’re pregnant then they will most likely not see it as a bad thing

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant with my first I text my mum to tell her because I fort she was going to go mad but she dint she fort I was joking but she came round and loves my 5 year old to peaces

Winterdaysarehere,
Thank you so much, that is really encouraging. There is no doubt in my mind that everyone will love my baby when he/she arrives. It's just the 5 months I have left of my pregnancy that are making me nervous, and of course the initial reaction from my parents and grandparents

I told my traditional Christian parents I was pregnant when I was 18.
It definitely threw them for a loop.
They said a few things that were hurtful.

That only lasted a few months though.
Once the baby was born they were nothing but supportive.

She's an adult now and they've been great with her for her whole life.

So if your parents don't cover themselves in glory when you tell them, maybe give them a chance to re-establish a good relationship with you and your baby later on.

JoGose,
That is what I am hoping to do. My boyfriend and I have been discussing the future and moving in together for a long time so I am hoping that if I am confident and I don't ask them for much, they will be more willing to accept

mumofftwo,
That's really encouraging and I am so happy it worked out for you. I am hoping my own mum reacts the same way, even if it's not to begin with

I was 19 and terrified and it was just before father's day so I wrote it on the card because I physically couldn't say it, I also had no reason to be worried because my parents were so supportive and they hated my now ex, maybe write it on a christmas card or something like that?

SuperLoudPoppingAction,
That's what I am hoping will happen. We will probably be distant for a little while but I know that they will want to have a relationship with their grandchild. They knew that they would get grandchildren eventually, this is just a bit sooner than planned

Mamabear144,
That is actually a really good idea. I have photos from my recent scan so I could put those in and treat it like a happy surprise and hope that it doesn't ruin their Christmas

Congratulations!!

Aged 30, my mums reaction to unmarried me telling her I was pregnant was "oh no, I'm sorry". I straight told her I was happy about the baby and didn't appreciate her reaction. She's died now, but she was a fantastic grandmother and loved my little girl so much. Sometimes people don't think properly before they say things and your parents initial reaction (if indeed it is negative) may well be born out of love and concern for you.

Your an adult op. You and your boyfriend are entitled to make this decision. Be strong in your decision and don't be afraid to ask for help. You don't have to do this on your own. A new life is a miracle.

If it helps, I don't know that fear of others opinion of you ever goes away. I'm 42 and pregnant with my 5th. I fear telling anyone for being judged. But actually my child, and yours, are little miracles. Merry Christmas!!

If they react negatively remember it's coming from a place of fear. As soon as your baby is born they will know it's a blessing.

I just told mine. I didn't want them to be shocked or taken by surprise in any way so didn't dress it up in scan/card announcement.
I moved out two weeks later, it was all fine.

From experience, the one thing I'd say (as well as don't be apologetic in the way you tell them), is to make sure you've prepared answers for the inevitable questions. "Who do you think is going to pay for this child? How? Who is going to look after it? Are you going to spend the rest of your life working a low paid job? How are you going to improve your job prospects?" And so on... hopefully you won't get ALL the negative questions, but be prepared for some, and some pretty insulting ones too, and have your answers ready as much as possible. At least to show you're not going to be expecting them to pay for or look after the baby.

Having a baby is for people mature enough to do it. You're clearly mature enough, you've made your decisions and have some good support, so now show your family that you're mature enough for this :) If you act like a little girl, they're more likely to treat you like one.

And... congratulations!

icantbecani,
Honestly that means so much to me. I am worried but I believe I was meant to do this. I wish you a really beautiful pregnancy and nothing but the best to you and your 5 children. Have the best Christmas! X

tenredthings,
I am worried too but that is because I am afraid of being responsible for a whole person. I am hoping we can encourage and support each other rather than be scared on our own

Sagradafamiliar,
I am hoping I don't need to move out, but if it comes down to it, I do have somewhere else to go and I hope you do too

Also, I don't know what your life plans are but one of my friends got pregnant at 18. She went on to uni to study law and graduated only a year late (and many take a gap year so it's not really late). She qualified as a solicitor aged 24. I also know lots of drs that had children young. This will only close doors to you if you let it.

Thanks for your kind words too. Xx

GruffalOH,
I am doing my best to prepare myself for the negativity which will surround my pregnancy. Thankfully, my boyfriends family are so supportive so I know I have them to count on if I need anything. I'm hoping that if I answer all their questions with maturity, confidence and realism, they will have more faith in me.
Thank you for the congratulations, reading these comments are really helping me to see the positives over the negatives!

Hi there!
I had to tell my now husbands parents when I fell pregnant at 19. They are also strict Christians his dad is a church minister. They took it 'ok' more upset of what the church would think of them really. At the end of the day although they might be Christians...they are also humans. And trust me no matter how hard they take it no they will come around. If they don't they'll be missing out big time!! I'm 21 btw so this only happened a couple of years ago! Good luck!

icantbecani,
I am currently on my gap year and had planned go to to uni. I will probably end up doing two gap years and then continuing my studies if the option is available to me. Thankfully, my boyfriend will be able to support myself and the baby which leaves my money untouched ready for university funds. However I do not want to rely on him in case the worst happens so I will do whatever is best for myself and my child when he/she is born.
You have given me a lot of confidence so thank you for that x