How do I tell our 4 yr old dd that her new baby brother is dying in hospital

[dcb]

Won't go into details but our son had oxygen starvation at some point leading up to his birth (born 11 days ago). We extubated him on Sunday and he's been treated palliatively as he's not expected to survive. She said goodbye to him the day before as we didn't think he would breathe for long on his own. However, 3 days later he's still with us and we are at the hospital (one of us) all the time, taking it in turns. I've tried to explain he isn't going to wake up and will eventually not be here any more. She asked me today where he will be going and I think I mumbled something about going up to the stars (we're not religious). How can I explain it to her? I've mentioned dying but I'm not sure if she really understands what that is. Are there any books that I could use? I don't want to make a hash of it, as we would like her to remember in a good way - she was able to come in to see him several times and do hand/foot prints with him amongst other things. Thanks

dcb -so very sorry about your loss
x

So, so sorry for your loss.

all love and sympathies to you and your family dcb; I hope at least you can take comfort from the fact that your ds is not in any pain now.

'Always and Forever'by Alan Durant and Debi Gilori is also an excellent book which helps explain death to young children- it's available on amazon now.

So sorry to hear about your sad situation.

I have no advice to offer on your current situation but in terms of the idea of what happens after death, I can offer you my experience. I don't know if it fits with you - but

Many many years ago my son was very interested in where his grandfather had gone to, after death - about 3.5 years. I said that people have lots of ideas about what happens, some people think this (heaven) some people think that (reincarnation) I went at a gently pace, followed by his lead. I also said that something people think nothing happens. Then I asked my son what he thought?

My son has developed his own ideas about life after death. Being reincarnated seemed very attractive to him. He wants up to be a family of wolves in our next life.

He also wanted to know what I thought. What his dad thought. What his granny thought. We all thought different things.

The truth is, no one knows what happens after death.My son accepts this - and over years of questioning - seems to be developing his own ideas death.

dcb So sorry for your loss

In a baby castle, just beyond your eye,
Your baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who are you to wish him back into this world of strife,
No, play on your baby, he'll have eternal life.
At night when all is silent and sleep forsakes your eyes,
You'll hear his tiny footsteps come running to your side
His little hands caress you so tenderly and sweet,
You'll breathe a prayer and close your eyes and embrace him in your sleep.
Now you have a treasure that you rate above all others
You have known true glory,
You are still his mother.

So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourselves xxx

So sorry for your loss