The stupid things people say .

[travellingwilbury]

This is just a place for people to have a good vent about the daft things people have said to you after a bereavement .

I am well aware that most things are not said to hurt anybody but sometimes they do and it is good to have a place to moan about it without having to be nice and think of someone elses feelings .

Also get that my db is wastching over me which i know he is he would never leave me totally but i just want to scream that i dont want him watching i want him with me.
How are you now? yes 4 and a half months mach such a fecking difference you moron.

One i hate with a passion: I know how you feel... erm nope you lost a mate i lost my brother

sorry went off a bit there

Shelley - PMSL - no you didnt love...you spoke how your heart feels xxx

lol thats alright them. Im PMSL at my use of moron... cant believe i wrote that lol

shelley - how do I make my profile public again after the troll incident - Im floundering about and somewhat pisched!!! LOL

There is something wrong with the people who say and do these things. Seriously.

I opened this thread with trepidation, wondering whether I'd have to stay away from bereaved friends and family, and the Bereavement threads, forever.

A friend of mine, who had lost his mother, told me that he had discussed bereavement with friends and decided they would prefer people to say something to acknowledge that the person had died, and nothing anyone could say could make them feel worse.

However, it seems they were all lucky! You all have been very unlucky with these twattish people, and I'm very sorry.

troll incident???
Oh i think i'm with you do you mean on here or FB?

I agree some of these comments are a bit weird but you know some people find it very difficult to know what to say in these (and similar) circumstances and just say the wrong thing without thinking first and without really meaning to. its really hard to know what to say when no words are really adequate.

LOL both!!!! If you tell me how to make my profile public please do it in easy steps - its been a long, hard day and I cant see the end of my arms at the moment!

Venus I do agree with you but today I attended the funeral of my DS3's best mate....My DS2 and DS3 have both died but I ended up grabbing his friends mum and squeezing and holding her.....no words were appropriate ---- she just need physically hugging xxx

lol ok FB first:
Click on account in top left hand corner
go down to privacy settings
click on profile information
change what bits you want people to be able to see.

If you want to be searcable on there:
go back to privacy settings
click on search
select from drop down menu who you want to be able to search you

Ta love - cant see the end of my arms at the moment but will sort it out in the morning.....i reckon me and thee must be related so get to bed right now before your Auntie Shabbapinkfrog comes and sorts you out xxx

on here:
log into MyMumsnet
click on public profile
scroll down the page to where it says visibility
select new setting

haha shabs. Dont think i'll sleep much tonight my endo is playing up majorly got hot water bottle strapped to me and rattling from cocodamol lol

sorry for hijack

My grandad died last week and my friend asked "are you sad about it?"

No I'm over the bloody moon about it ....... wtf of course I'm sad.

juney thats a really odd and very insensitive one

When my grandpa died (1st relly to go, I was 17) - a week later my boyfriend at the time said "what's wrong with you?" well, my grandpa died last week, remember? "oh, are you still going on about that?"

When my lovely nan died a few years back - less than a week later - a colleague said "you're looking miserable today" - yes well my nan died last week, remember? "yes but it's only your grandmother, that's not so bad is it?"

I worry about people who say these things, I really do. They obviously have either no heart, no soul or have never lost anyone they cared about.

OTOH when my mum died I don't think anyone said anything incongruous.

for everyone who has been hurt by thoughtless comments.

Still baffled by the comment I herd growing up in Ireland. Stood around coffin of Aunty at wake.
Â?Ah doesnÂ?t she look like herselfÂ?Â?

Not a comment, just found it weird but I remember when my uncle died, he was laid out on the bed
.A large female relative had a platter of ham sandwiches. In best of Mrs Doyle fashion from father Ted she kept trying to get me to take a sandwich, she was a large chesty woman and was leaning with one knee over the bed causing the body to bounce around below her.
I really really didnÂ?t want that ham sandwich.

I have a very large family and have seen a lot of funerals, my brother being the most recent one 3 years ago when he died at 40 of a brain tumour. I miss him a lot.

He did teach me that seeing the funny side is the secret.

I found his profile on friend reunited in our old school section ,he put up a couple of years before he died, I had no idea it was there. It read Â?I Have had an sexchange and living with a builder called BrianÂ? I laughed until I was sore while crying my eyes out.
A little comedy gift from beyond.

People never know what to say when it come down to it.Not saying something can be even worse and avoideing the breaved, that hert alot.At least when people have said something stupid to me about a death in the famly, it given me something to laught at later.
Just say to your self, some day I will laugh at this idiot.

3 days after dd1 died, before she'd even been buried, my dad told me I had 'to get over it, it was gone now and no crying would bring it back'

I was re-reading the cards I was sent the other day and I noticed one said 'hope you're back to your old self soon' Uh-huh. My baby died, I'm never going to be back to my old self. Suffice to say I'm no longer friends with that person.

Plus there was all the usual stuff - it was for the best, it was not as bad as losing an older child, blah blah blah.

Hours after my dad died my grandmother told me that I had to be strong and not cry because I had a baby (ds1) to look after and my mum needed me too. I still, almost 4 years down the line, haven't let myself cry for him.

I call people who spout crap when you're bereaved DHAC's - Don't Have A Clues. If they did they wouldn't say half the things they do.

I'm glad I'm not alone in people's stupid comments. My Dad died when I was 13 when I went back to school, I was singled out by a group of older kids who said "that's her that's the one whose Dad killed himself"

Most adults weren't much better and told me because I was young I would get over it quicker, that they knew what I was going through and that I shouldn't use my grief as an excuse not to get on with life.

Well 20 years on I still haven't 'got over it" learnt to live with it yes, but get over it, how can you ever get over something that fundamentally changes who you are and the path of your life?

I send virtual love and hugs to all of you who have experienced loss in the many forms it comes. Grief is the most personnel and individual experience any of us go through, it is different for each and every one of us because we all have a unique relationship with the person we have lost, so therefore no one else can ever know how you feel about losing that person.

I tried to tell my Mum this at 13 but she didn't believe me, I remember saying you have lost a husband, I don't know what that's like. I have lost my Dad you don't know what that's like. 20 years on she hasn't even learnt to live with the loss, she is still stuck, I wish I could help her more.

I week after our dd died (Stillborn) my father came to visit and brought photos of my cousin's new born twins. When I looked away and muttered "I'd really rather not look at them thanks" he growled, "You've always been a moody thing, honestly I don't know whats wrong with you" Give it some thought then Dad and see if you can figure it out.

Oh and my best mate at the time also called the day we came home from the hospital crying and insisting to my dh that she speak to me. He thought she was so upset for us and handed me the phone, turned out she was crying beause her GP had suggested she might have endometriosis and she was "so distraught and knew I wouldn't mind comforting her" err yes I do mind sweetie. We never spoke again. DH (a non violent man) says he could have happily throttled her that day.

lemonadesparkle, that is truly awful - amongst the other dreadful inanities given here, your e.g.s do stick out

Two years after my daughter died a lady who was struggling through a divorce said, "I understand how you feel now because people say divorce is like a bereavement."

Well, no you don't, you and your children still get to see your ex-husband.

No where near in the same league as some of these but my dh and I both lost parents as children (my mum when I was 7, his dad them he was 15). Someone once said to us, 'oh so you have something in common then'