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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My son died 2 weeks ago, 7wks old

121 replies

AbiAbi · 30/12/2009 18:17

Hi;

I am not sure what I am hoping to get out of this, or what I want to hear; I just need to know that someone else has gone through it, and that it might possible get better?

My son, Archie, died on the 22nd December at 10.04am, after having been in PICU for 6 days. He was 7 weeks and 6days old.

He had NEVER, ever been ill before the 16th December; I was one of the smug women who breastfed like a dream and looked down their noses at the FF mums on AIBU .

He vomited on the 16th and then became unreponsive and was diagnosed with a malrotated bowel. They operated but eventully turned off his machines on the 22nd.

Will it ever get better? Has this happened to you? Will a new baby help? Its just so painful.

xxx

OP posts:
SugarMagrundy · 30/12/2009 19:34

I am so sorry. I hope you find some comfort here. Thinking of you all and lovely Archie.

sleepysox · 30/12/2009 19:34

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. My heart goes out to you.

I'm sending you lots of hugs.

JenAT · 30/12/2009 19:45

Abi, just wanted to add my condolences. Your post made me shed some tears. I have no experience of what you are going through but you will find that others on MN do and can support and help you through this.

Original poster
AbiAbi · 30/12/2009 19:47

My boobs are fine thanks hun, I was exressing on the ward, but on the 23rd they were empty; my body knew.

I really loved breastfeeding too. Grrrrrrr.

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 30/12/2009 19:51

Someone wrote this poem out and sent it to me after I lost my Matt - I hope it helps a little.

My mum is a survivor, or so I've heard it said
But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away
I watch over over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others, a smile of disguise.
But through heavens door I see tears flowing from her eyes.

My surviving mum tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
As I watch over my surviving mum...through heavens open door,
I try to tell her that angels protect me for ever more.
But I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden that she bears.
So if you get a chance go visit her...and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...no matter what she feels.
My surviving mum has a broken heart that time wont ever heal.

mehdismummy · 30/12/2009 19:51

abi i just wanted to add that i was thinking of you x andd shaba will be a great help i hardly ever post on the same thread as hers but i know from lurking what an amazing help she is to other mumsnetters

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 30/12/2009 19:52

I'm so sorry.

It's a crap old cliche but time does help. Plus talking about it lots. And lots. Do use MN to do that, if you can't do it in RL.

Drinkerbell · 30/12/2009 19:57

Abi you sound like an amazing person. Your post about Archie is achingly beautiful, he sounds like a wonderful baby and you have some wonderful memories. I'm so so sorry.

My heart is with you.

MmeLindt · 30/12/2009 20:03

I am so sorry for your loss, Abi. You speak so lovingly and so beautifully about your darling Archie.

Take care of yourself.

sybilfaulty · 30/12/2009 20:06

I'm so very sorry to hear your sad news. Archies sounds like a very fine fellow.

Do pop over to the bereaved mums thread - they are a lovely bunch of women and you will be well looked after. Of course, you must post here too as much or as little as you like.

I am thinking of you and your family at this awful time.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 30/12/2009 21:06

Archie sounds like he was so adorable. I'm very sorry for your loss.

RumourOfAHurricane · 30/12/2009 21:10

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Skegness · 30/12/2009 21:15

I am so very very sorry.

doubleexpresso · 30/12/2009 21:16

Thinking of you, your partner, your DD and of Archie. He sounds beautiful.

brimfull · 30/12/2009 21:33

Abi -so sorry for you and your boyfriends terrible loss.

What a beautiful baby you describe .

Take care

missorinoco · 30/12/2009 21:40

So very sorry.

oliviasmama · 30/12/2009 21:42

Your son Archie sounds lovely, so sorry.

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 30/12/2009 21:47

So very sorry for your loss. The way you describe Archie is so lovely.

izzybiz · 30/12/2009 22:54

So so for you and your family Abi.

Your Archie sounds beautiful, keep talking about him, keeps the memories fresh. x

My SIL lost her 19 month old Dd1 to meningitis four and a half years ago, she wears a lock of her hair in a locket so its always next to her heart.

She also found alot of support from The commpassionate friends website, a support group for bereaved parents, Winstons wish may be of a help to your Dd.

I wish you love and peace. xxxx

NewYearNewKnickers0nMaHead · 30/12/2009 22:56

So so sorry for your loss

sweetkitty · 30/12/2009 22:57

Cannot imagine what you are going through

So sorry for you x

dobby2001 · 30/12/2009 23:00

So so sorry to hear of your tragic loss

Rest in peace little Archie
may you find peace and some comfort abiabi

izzybiz · 30/12/2009 23:02

Just wanted to add to Shabas post of 19-51pm

My dad is a survivor too-
thats no surprise to me
he's always like a lighthouse
helps you cross a stormy sea.

But I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down
I wipe the tears he tries to hide
which fall when no-ones around.

I watch him sit up late at night
my picture in his hand
he cries then as he grieves alone,
and tries to understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength
the greatest of them all!
But theres times when he needs to cry
please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or touch his shoulder
tell him its ok
be his strength when he is sad
help him mourn his way.

Now as I watch my precious dad
from Heaven up above
I'm proud he is a survivor
and I still feel his love!

lilolilmanchester · 30/12/2009 23:08

nothing to say which will make it better, but feel for you at this awful time, it shouldn't happen xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 30/12/2009 23:11

izzybiz - I have never seen that poem it is truly beautiful. My DH (we have been married almost 32 years) had a nervous breakdown after the loss of both of our sons. He became so violent and aggressive that for many, many years I didnt get it.

I then realised that is how he had been brought up. He had been raised to fight and then run in a bad situation.

We are much better now - but we will never, ever be the happy go lucky couple we once were.