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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My son died 2 weeks ago, 7wks old

121 replies

AbiAbi · 30/12/2009 18:17

Hi;

I am not sure what I am hoping to get out of this, or what I want to hear; I just need to know that someone else has gone through it, and that it might possible get better?

My son, Archie, died on the 22nd December at 10.04am, after having been in PICU for 6 days. He was 7 weeks and 6days old.

He had NEVER, ever been ill before the 16th December; I was one of the smug women who breastfed like a dream and looked down their noses at the FF mums on AIBU .

He vomited on the 16th and then became unreponsive and was diagnosed with a malrotated bowel. They operated but eventully turned off his machines on the 22nd.

Will it ever get better? Has this happened to you? Will a new baby help? Its just so painful.

xxx

OP posts:
LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 30/12/2009 19:05

I am so sorry for your loss Abbi

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 30/12/2009 19:05

If that upsets you AbiAbi, you can report your thread and explain to mumsnet towers. They will change it for you I'm sure.

It is so recent, and he ot so ill so quickly.

Are your breasts full? Has the full painfull feeling gone now? That must be hard

Original poster
AbiAbi · 30/12/2009 19:06

Bibbity;

Archie had a huge shock of black/brown hair and bright grey eyes.

When I would put him to me to feed he would open his eyes HUGELY then get into it, does that make sense? I will never ever forget the look on his eyes when he'd first begin to feed, pure huge bug-eyed bliss.

He slept on my chest every night, and was a very snuffly and grunty baby; my sister called him a nanny-goat and I call him my Archie-potamus.

Fuck that felt good; hardly anyone wants to talk about him!

Thank you

xxx

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 30/12/2009 19:08

Oh Abi - he sounds just delicious. I know what you mean about talking about him - its good to let the words out. xxx

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 30/12/2009 19:09

He sounds absolutely wonderful!

Bicnod · 30/12/2009 19:10

I've just read this thread and I'm so sorry Abi. I have nothing useful to say but you will be in my thoughts. Life is so very very unfair at times. I hope you somehow get through this and find some peace x x x

sunshiney · 30/12/2009 19:10

Archie-potamus - how adorable. I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your beautiful boy. Your dignified posts are very moving.

much sympathy x

Deemented · 30/12/2009 19:12

Oh... he sounds so lovely - i'm so glad you have some special memories of him.

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 30/12/2009 19:12

Aaaahhhh the precious feeding days. They look like little sparrows with that huge open mouth and keen eyes. Then their little bodies relax and they bliss out on milk. Magic treasured memories for you. It's amazing to have them in print, if you feel the memories are slipping you can come and read and remind yourself.

Have you got some of his hair to keep Abi?

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry · 30/12/2009 19:14

So so sorry. The saddest news ? LOTS of hugs to you. Little Archie will alwyas be your sonshine... xxxxx

newindieyear · 30/12/2009 19:14

AbiAbi, you tell us all about him, if it helps. He sounds like he was adorable and very well loved. I hope you're okay and can get through this. All good wishes.

girlsyearapart · 30/12/2009 19:14

Couldn't read without posting.

Abi I am so sorry for you

I am very glad you have found this forum, there are lots of other Mums who know exactly how you are feeling and will give you all the support you ask them for.

Archie sounds like a gorgeous boy he will always live on in your heart. How is your dd managing?

KristinaM · 30/12/2009 19:15

I'm so sorry to hear about Archie

please do join the bereaved mums thread. its fine to be angry, they will understand there.

you are not pathetic for looking for support online. sometimes its easier to "talk" to strangers, especially those who have been through a similar loss.

yes it will get better, but it takes a long time. and the only way to get there is just to get through each day.

the thing now it to get by until the funeral

have you got all your plans in place for this? if you want help then MNers will share with you some of the things they did to remember their babies/children

Original poster
AbiAbi · 30/12/2009 19:18

Tacky; yes the nurse at St Georges gave us a clipping of hair, and hand/foot prints. I am too scared to touch the hair incase it gets damaged, but I will always remember what it felt like against my face/nose etx during feeding.

Would trying for another baby help? Or am I mad?

OP posts:
Nevergoogle · 30/12/2009 19:19

I love your description of your son.

NorbertDentressAngel · 30/12/2009 19:20

Abi -so very sorry for your loss.

Your post at 19.06 has brought tears to my eyes.

You will get lots of support here on MN

shabbapinkfrog · 30/12/2009 19:21

You are not mad love - just newly bereaved.

Theres a massive space left that you want to fill with love. xx

Deemented · 30/12/2009 19:21

To be honest, right now, it's not another baby you want... it's Archie - and it's so easy to get the two muddled.

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 19:24

It all seems terribly fast and shocking for you. Have the doctors any idea of what happened to Archie?

PoppyIsApain · 30/12/2009 19:25

Iam so sorry to hear of this AbiAbi, I feel for you and your poor little Archie. I will be thinking of you and your family xx

KristinaM · 30/12/2009 19:26

you are not mad to want another baby. every single part of you is crying out to hold a baby. problem is that the baby you want is archie

but its hard to bond with another baby when you are still in the intense stage of grief for another. so either you have to put your grieving on hold while you bond with your new baby or you can end up a bit "detached" from the next one

also you will be very very anxious about your pg and baby's health - there is no way around this i think

GracieW · 30/12/2009 19:26

Abiabi you talk about Archie as much as you want. I lost my little girl aged 4 weeks and one day and talking about her helps even now - she would have been 15 this year.

There's a lovely list on the bereavement page that notes their birthday and "remember" days.

Big hugs to you. It's a bloody awful thing to happen to anyone.

FiveSoloRings · 30/12/2009 19:29

Oh Lord Abi, my heart hurts for you; I'm so sorry

ElenorRigby · 30/12/2009 19:31

OMG Abi I am so sorry. I pray little Archie will Rest in Peace xxx

jellybeans · 30/12/2009 19:31

I am so so very sorry for the loss of precious Archie. I lost 2 girls, both stillbirths, so not the same, but things get better in time generally although at times it is still hard and the feelings of isolation are incredible at times. I went on to have another baby both times and feel it did help give me some joy from the sheer pain and emptiness but there are also complex feelings involved in that too. Sands is brilliant and helped me loads. Take care, thinking of you.