Suicide of a loved one.............I'm ANGRY with myself that I can't put this aside and fully move on.

[Puff]

I don't tend to post about sad things on Mumsnet, but what the hell tonight I will.

Some of you may already know, my Mum committed suicide when I was pregnant with ds1 (4 1/2 years ago). It tore me apart, things were very tough for quite a while, but I've got through, probably due to dh being bloody fantastic and an amazing gp.

The thing is, her death and mainly the manner of it, and all the publicity afterwards (local papers only but bad enough when you are intensely private), still comes back to bite me, as if the ground opens up and tries to swallow me and I have to try very hard not to let it. And I'm still so angry and sad and I want it all to go away, but life isn't like that, we have to grit out teeth and get through.

Grrr and .

Oh Puff!!! at your dream.....

Saw this last night but unfortunately I was on my way out to night-class and had no time to respond.

My mother committed suicide when I was 21 so i can fully understand and relate to what you are saying.

I am still so angry about it that I think I have bottled it up and I never ever talk about it, I rarely tell anyone that my mother is dead as the next question who probably be how did she die and as suicide is still mostly a taboo subject I couldn't cope with the reation to it

I was offered counselling at the time but I chickened out of the appointment as for me (I too am a very private person) the whole idea of sitting and talking about it horrifies me.

However I do know there is an organisation called SOBS ( survivors of bereavement by suicide)here which maybe helpful for you.

sorry link didn't work - try this

puff, i'm so sorry

seeing your sibs about this sounds like a really important thing to do if you can. time alone to grieve sounds like a matter of survival.

i've so enjoyed 'seeing' you on mn, and had no idea that you had gone through something like this...

i don't know how to put this delicately. your mother was in a terrible dark place, i am not and can not in any way judge her as there but for the grace etc could we all be. but suicide is in some ways a really aggressive act in terms of what it does to the people left behind. the only person you didn't mention being angry with is your mother. maybe you'll never feel that. maybe you feel that now and find it unbearable. i just wanted to say that it would be not only ok but understandable if you did.

sorry. feel like have taken terrible risk by saying so, but just felt like i should...

Saffy, so sorry you have faced this too . I know about SOBS, went to a few meetings, but found it horrendous - I ran out of the last one as I just couldn't cope with seeing how this had torn other people apart too.

You are right, suicide is still such a taboo subject - makes people very uncomfortable, and attitudes towards it vary.

Sophable - I've been asked a lot about whether I feel angry with Mum and being honest I never have - it wasn't an act against us, but an act against herself, when, as the coroner said, "the balance of her mind was disturbed".

I do feel she was failed miserably by her gp ( the full extend to which didn't become apparent until I requested her medical notes), and the rest of my family who knew about the previous attempt, well, I love them, but I still want to shake them for allowing it to be brushed under the carpet. And why the hell didn't I notice what was going on? I look back and there were some subtle signs, but isn't hindsight the most useless thing?

I think I've come to the realisation that I have come to terms with this as much as I can, have strategies for managing times when it's overwhelming, but I hate it, I just sodding well hate it that I lost my precious Mum in such a godawful way .

puff you didn't notice what was going on because it was hidden from you... please don't feel guilty about it. YOu had a LOT on your plate. and your mum didn't want you to see what was happening...

there is a quote by kierkegaard which goes
"life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards"
which is so true.

You can't change things, as much as you wish you could... and so you need to focus on how to move forward.

I do think that talking to someone would help. perhaps a bereavement counsellor... something that is led by you... so that you don't feel pushed into talking about things you are not ready for just yet

puff, if you think that counselling is a route that you might like to pursue, i might be able to help info wise as i work in the fields. do CAT me if i can do this or anything else. x

sorry, i know that this thread is from last week but i've only just read it.

My mother has attempted suicide 4/5 times since november (my family too tried to hide it from me) The first time was a week before my birthday, the last time was a couple of weeks after i told her i was pregnant and she said she now had 'something to live for' (i was very hurt that she didn't mean it). She has suffered with anorexia/ depression/ OCD/ self harm for as long as i can remember. She is currently in a mental hospital on day release. I'm worried about how the stress of this is effecting my unborn baby, and must confess that i've stopped calling her (she lives in southampton, i live in london so i don't see her much). I feel very angry that i don't have 'family' support during my pregnancy, and feel that she is being very selfish, although i know she is not in her right mind (she is also on a ton of medication).

I have tried counselling at various times over the year, but really want to find a support group, as i think it would be better to talk to other people who feel the same way. Most of the suicide groups support those who's loved ones have died, although i am convinced my mother with succeed before the baby is born (november). She only just survived the last couple of attempts as she was found by chance. Anyone know of any good support groups? I've tried a google search but can't seem to find what i'm looking for.

xx

sorry, i know that this thread is from last week but i've only just read it.

My mother has attempted suicide 4/5 times since november (my family too tried to hide it from me) The first time was a week before my birthday, the last time was a couple of weeks after i told her i was pregnant and she said she now had 'something to live for' (i was very hurt that she didn't mean it). She has suffered with anorexia/ depression/ OCD/ self harm for as long as i can remember. She is currently in a mental hospital on day release. I'm worried about how the stress of this is effecting my unborn baby, and must confess that i've stopped calling her (she lives in southampton, i live in london so i don't see her much). I feel very angry that i don't have 'family' support during my pregnancy, and feel that she is being very selfish, although i know she is not in her right mind (she is also on a ton of medication).

I have tried counselling at various times over the year, but really want to find a support group, as i think it would be better to talk to other people who feel the same way. Most of the suicide groups support those who's loved ones have died, although i am convinced my mother with succeed before the baby is born (november). She only just survived the last couple of attempts as she was found by chance. Anyone know of any good support groups? I've tried a google search but can't seem to find what i'm looking for.

xx

sorry, i know that this thread is from last week but i've only just read it.

My mother has attempted suicide 4/5 times since november (my family too tried to hide it from me) The first time was a week before my birthday, the last time was a couple of weeks after i told her i was pregnant and she said she now had 'something to live for' (i was very hurt that she didn't mean it). She has suffered with anorexia/ depression/ OCD/ self harm for as long as i can remember. She is currently in a mental hospital on day release. I'm worried about how the stress of this is effecting my unborn baby, and must confess that i've stopped calling her (she lives in southampton, i live in london so i don't see her much). I feel very angry that i don't have 'family' support during my pregnancy, and feel that she is being very selfish, although i know she is not in her right mind (she is also on a ton of medication).

I have tried counselling at various times over the year, but really want to find a support group, as i think it would be better to talk to other people who feel the same way. Most of the suicide groups support those who's loved ones have died, although i am convinced my mother with succeed before the baby is born (november). She only just survived the last couple of attempts as she was found by chance. Anyone know of any good support groups? I've tried a google search but can't seem to find what i'm looking for.

xx

sorry - glitch in posting!!!!!

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No essbee, thank you for responding with your thoughts. I haven't lost my mother physically yet only emotionally, although it's only a matter of time. I know it's not meant in a personal way by her, and i can understand that she just wants it all to stop, but i wish she could channel her energy into making it stop by getting better rather than by dying.

novadandypowder - CAT me - if I can be of support in any way, I will.

Essbee - I think you've done brilliantly .