I had thought I was making progress. Had some days I felt normal-ish. Had some socialising where I had a pleasant time. Happy would be excessive but enjoyable moments.
My lord I was wrong. A few triggers here and there, aniversaries, reminders, a few stressful events, financial worries and I'm right back into the whats the point of living I have no future and don't want to be here.
For context I have no one left. No family. No children. No close friends. I feel so low and wouldn't care if I passed away right now. No one would notice. Ok some people might notice and feel a momentary sadness but no one would really care. That's my future and I'm tired of feeling like this.
I miss the people I loved and who love me who are all passed. It's over a year since the last one nearly two and I've got worse again.
I don't want to see anyone and I read today that being lonely and isolated can make you eccentric which will obviously help make a bad situation even worse but I hate being around anyone at all and especially when I feel so low. I want to burrow underground and hibernate to death.
Is this how it is forever because I don't want it.