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Original poster

DH died suddenly-need support and prayers please

653 replies

Evenstar · 29/06/2008 06:16

My DH passed away suddenly on Thursday 26 June, there has to be a post mortem and I cannot bring him home until the coroner releases his body. I am struggling to realise that he is gone, as I have been unable to go and see him owing to distance from home and mortuary being closed at weekend. Mum and brother are here, am getting amazing support from them, my 3 children and so many friends. I am finding it hard at night and getting up very early not wanting to wake others but feel need to chat.

OP posts:
me23 · 01/07/2008 18:56

I'm so sorry for your loss x

blithedance · 01/07/2008 20:31

Evenstar so sorry to hear this. What a hard few weeks it has been on MN.

My friend suffered a sudden loss of her DH two years ago - it is a long road ahead for you. There is lots to do and there will be support - but right now hope you just have people around you for these early days.

Have you got someone (trusted friend) organising meals to be brought round - this will help you out and also help you keep in touch with people for a practical reason rather than dreadful "sympathy" visits. Not unreasonable to have several weeks (or months even) of meals I would say!

Yurtgirl · 01/07/2008 20:33

Thinking of you Evenstar

solo · 01/07/2008 20:34

So sorry for your loss...Blessings to you and your family.xxx

Yurtgirl · 01/07/2008 20:34

Im so sorry - obviously I meant

fairylights · 01/07/2008 20:36

so sorry evenstar - what a terrible shock for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

orangehead · 01/07/2008 20:38

I am so sorry evenstar, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

Original poster
Evenstar · 01/07/2008 23:47

Am only checking in to say goodnight, I have picked out some things for the funeral today and done the order of service. Feeling very sad and angry as post mortem didn't go ahead today. Coroner's office rang to chase results as they were late only to find that it hadn't happened as no pathologist. I cannot believe that in a so-called civilised country, mortuaries can be locked at weekends and no cover provided for pathologists. It doesn't seem fair, now scheduled for tomorrow but how can I trust in that after today. Have spoken to a member of the medical team who cared for DH today and he could not have survived, he had the best possible care. I just want him home

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 01/07/2008 23:52

so sorry evenstar,

thumbwitch · 01/07/2008 23:55

so sad that bureaucracy just makes things harder than they need to be - and funding for NHS lab staff (including pathologists) is so reduced that you are having to wait longer.
Still thinking of you ((hugs))

daffodill6 · 01/07/2008 23:58

So sorry .. hope it helps that lots of people are thinking of you xxx

metmoo · 02/07/2008 00:03

my thoughts are with you its hard and confusing when you lose someone you love so dearly especially when there is no immediate answers to how. its like being stuck in limbo and is hard to understand. i wish you all the best and things get sorted.bless you and best regards

onlyjoking9329 · 02/07/2008 00:15

hope you can get your DH back with you and very soon.
i am sure things are still feeling surreal for you all and will do for some time.
how are you and the kids coping?

DeeRiguer · 02/07/2008 00:25

so sad and sorry for your loss evenstar
such a shock horror
you and your family are in my thoughts
stay strong be loved x

Original poster
Evenstar · 02/07/2008 06:28

We are doing OK thanks OJ, my youngest went back to school on Monday and has been much happier in his routine, we bought him a special cuddly yesterday which has a code to go online and name a star which he has found comforting. Older DC's are lethargic and difficult, but I think that is how it is coming out for them. I said to a RL friend that I am so busy and so in demand on the telephone that it is "displacement activity" I fully expect things will be worse after the funeral. Also I think my anger yesterday has fired me up and I have moved further into "coping" mode. Hope you and your DC's are doing OK

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 02/07/2008 06:33

{{hugs}}

onlyjoking9329 · 02/07/2008 17:34

the teddy sounds a lovely idea, you are probably running on auto pilot or safe mode.
there is so much to be done when you really only want it all to go away, i think some people think things get better after the funeral, of course things might be better for other people after the funeral but the awful reality is still there for you and the kids every minute of every day.
how has today been?

MamaG · 02/07/2008 17:56

So sorry to read this evenstar

twentyoneagain · 02/07/2008 20:03

Evenstar - I have just read this thread and I am so very sorry for your loss.

I can't begin to know what to say except that we are all here for you.

MmeLindt · 02/07/2008 20:12

Evenstar
So sorry for your loss, Evenstar. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family.

gingan · 02/07/2008 22:12

Evenstar
I lost my husband suddenly too in Jan 05, he came back from a 4 mile run and collapsed. Coroners report heart attack.
All I can tell you is it is very hard, and it takes time, an awful lot of time. I too was very angry for a long time, even at him for dying.
You will keep going for the children, and the old worn-out cliche "keep busy" actually worked for me, although I could not go back to work for 5 months.
Do what you need to do, in your own time, and be kind to yourself.
Sending you love and compassion
xxxxxx

Original poster
Evenstar · 02/07/2008 23:23

Today has been a mixture, an old friend of my husband's whom I had never met came and shared some lovely memories with me this morning over a cup of tea. Another university friend sent an envelope full of photos of student days which made us laugh. I spent an hour with my dear neighbour who is almost ninety one and has been widowed for 30 years. It is still fresh to her and she had so many words of empathy, wisdom and comfort to share. This afternoon I got a call from the coroner's office, but it was not the call I had been hoping for that my husband was coming back to us. The post mortem was inconclusive, the coroner has ordered histology tests and we will not have him back for a minimum of a week. I am going to see him tomorrow, my dear friend is driving me and my mum is coming with me, I believe by the time he comes home it will be inappropriate for the DC's to see him. Very and feel life is very unfair. Sorry this is so long thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evenstar · 02/07/2008 23:25

Thank you gingan, you have given me fresh hope with your kind words, I have had so many kind words but know no-one in RL that this has happened to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evenstar · 02/07/2008 23:25

Thank you gingan, you have given me fresh hope with your kind words, I have had so many kind words but know no-one in RL that this has happened to.

OP posts:
Spidermama · 02/07/2008 23:27

Would the DCs not be able to go along with you and see him tomorrow evenstar? Or have you decided against this? Tough one I'm sure.

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