No funeral

[RedorBlack]

Hello all DDad died last week. It was quite sudden, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and we were told 6 months. He died less than 2 weeks later. We are reeling with the shock and trying to get our heads around it.

my dad decided before he dies that he did not want a funeral, just to be cremated. I am really struggling with this about feels so incomplete somehow. DS (9) asked me about the funeral and I told him we weren’t having one, he asked where do we go to be sad together.

anyone been through similar and have any suggestions for how to manage the emotions of this?

I’m so sorry - I looked back and saw you were talking about your father - my apologies, but the rest stands, @RedorBlack.

@RedorBlack

Oh bless you what an enormous shock. As you say its only been a few days, you had no time to come to terms with his illness, let alone his death, and then to not have the normal grieving rituals.
You must be reeling.
Personally I think you can honour your dads wishes and have some kind of celebration of his life, a chance to raise a toast and talk about your memories of him.
I also think its ok to be a bit angry right now. Angry at the suddeness of it all, angry at his loss. And yes angry with him for throwing you such a curve ball.
There's lots of things you could do - write him a letter and burn or bury it. Go and talk to him, or go somewhere and scream your head off, howl at the moon. Anything to give those feelings somewhere to go.
Im thinking about this for me right now as I have cancer and not sure what my prognosis is yet. I'm fairly sure I want my ashes chucked half off the Mersey ferry and the other half off the Isle of Wight ferry and for everyone to go to and have fish and chips on the beach. So not quite traditional and to be honest Im not really sure why.
For whatever reason your dad decided he didnt want traditional either. That doesnt mean you cant find a way to honour and remember him.
Please remember there is no timeline or 'right way' to grieve. Its so very raw at the moment, over time your feelings will change, there may be times many months down the line where the rawness will return.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel.💐

@RedorBlack I am so sorry for your loss.

Could you have a gathering that incorporates some of his previous wishes.

I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. Losing a parent is one of the toughest things I have ever been through so I’m sending you all of my love. I don’t think there is a right and wrong here. For my Dad, he had planned his funeral and so we had one. He didn’t have many friends so it was a small event and then we had some drinks at a social club. What I found hard was that it took 4 weeks from his death for the funeral and I was just getting a little bit better and then the funeral felt like a bit of a smack in the face again but I get it. It’s a rite of passage.
when my friends Dad died, they didn’t have a funeral they had a private cremation and then a few weeks later a massive gathering in his favourite pub with a slide show of pics & lots of fun memories. It was lovely.
either way is fine, you will find your own way to commemorate your lovely Dad. Just take some time and look after yourself & each other

Sorry to hear about your dad.

My gran died last year and didn’t want a funeral. Just straight to cremation.

The funeral home had a small room where you could have a quick private funeral which is what we all decided to do.