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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

i miss my Mum soooooo much

119 replies

lulu2 · 13/06/2008 00:10

My Mum died of breast cancer 4 years ago and yesterday i was busily shopping in sainsburys when i caught a glimpse of a lady and i so thought it was my Mum. It only lasted for a split second and i knew it wasn't her but it has been on my mind ever since.
Has anyone else experienced this? or am i going mad. The weird thing is i wasn't even thinking of her when it happened.
I felt like i couldn't tell dp cos he would think i was losing the plot but i told him this evening as it's been bothering me today.

OP posts:
mum2taylor · 28/08/2008 16:47

know what you mean...I would love to have another baby, but I dont know if I could cope with being back in the maternity ward and knowing that she's not coming to visit me there! One of the most exciting parts of having my daughter was seeing my mum's proud face when she first saw her...not having that would kill me. Its just good to know other people have similar thoughts and feelings....for me right now I just have so much anger!!! I dreamt the other night that she had gone missing and then turned up again and I was shouting at her for not telling me where she'd gone....they should have designated places where we can all go and have a good scream/cry!!!

maltloafeater · 28/08/2008 17:01

My mun died 8 years ago. As I get older every so often I look in the mirror and see her looking back at me. No one else ever says I look like her. Funny how we see different things in faces. DD however is the image of me and like looking at myself 30 years ago. A sure sign that those we love live on with us and make us what we are.

Original poster
lulu2 · 28/08/2008 18:23

i know what you mean, sometimes when i laugh i sound just like my Mum when she laughed.

OP posts:
sophus · 01/09/2008 21:35

my mum died nearly a year ago when my DS was 5 weeks old. I wasn't able to grieve at the time, too caught up in nappies etc. When the force of it really hit me i nearly went mad with the grief. I spend a lot of time imagining what she would say when i tell her things. Every milestone or cute thing DS does makes me laugh and cry at the same time because he fills me with joy, but i can't share it with her.

I still remember when i sent her a copy of my 14 week scan. I was still amazed that it wasn't obvious that it was a baby in the picture.

Mum rather drily said "It looks like a picture of the night sky....but it's the most beautiful night sky ever".

Lilyloo · 01/09/2008 21:43

Just saw this thread again and saw my last post in July!
Still feel as if i will never get over it and still wish she was here every day!

Original poster
lulu2 · 05/09/2008 13:45

My dd started school this week and i know that my Mum would have been so proud. I miss being able to tell her all dd has done at school. It sucks...
sophus what your Mum said about your ds's scan picture was lovely.

OP posts:
janestillhere · 05/09/2008 13:56

My mum died April this year. I still often think 'Oh I must tell mum that...' Its absolutely gutting.
So sad for all of us. You don't realise how its going to feel until it happens to you.

fizzbuzz · 05/09/2008 14:04

I thought I saw my mum today. Saw the back of a women in the shop, and swore it was her.
Waited a couple of minutes just to make sure , and when she turned round I was gutted and angry that it wasn't her.

Ds (14) got his fantastic SATs results this week...just desperately wanted to share it with my mum. Proud and upset at the same time

Original poster
lulu2 · 06/09/2008 16:49

feel for you fizzbuzz, it made me feel really weird when it happened to me. Like you i felt angry that it wasn't my mum.
Strange the tricks your mind can play.

OP posts:
yumyum65 · 22/03/2009 19:03

My Mum died almost 7 years ago and i still miss her everyday. When anything good or bad happens the first person i think about telling is mum and then realise i can't. Being Mothers day today i just want to tell her i love her and miss her so much.

never4getartisticoutlet · 06/12/2009 21:11

I totally understand what your all going through, and i'm so sorry for your losses. My mum died 9 years ago today, I can't believe it's been so long I miss her so much still and i can't comprehend how these years have gone by. I was 11 when my mum died of breast cancer at 37, she was the most lovely inspiring beatiful person i have ever known, now i am 20 and i miss her more than ever. I hate the fact that she won't be here for my 21st birthday or to see when i get married and have children of my own. I have spent so many years just trying to cope and be "normal", and to help my family get through. Now i am on my own at uni, trying to achieve my dreams as a fashion designer. And everyday it is a struggle, i just wish she was here at the end of the phone or for a hug. I worry that she wouldn't be proud of me, that i am not what she hoped for me to be. I think it must normal to see someone you have lost in other people or think you catch a glimse of them when your going about normal life, this has happened to me too so many times. I used to dream of her sat in the kitchen and i saw her through the window from the garden smiling at me, and ran inside to find she was gone. I find it so hard to see young women who look like her when i have to take a second glance, or who have the same name, sometimes i find it so hard to be at friends houses with their mums who are so lovely, and they totally don't appreciate. It makes me so sad. But its so hard because i can't talk to anyone about how i feel because its been so long and i know they think i should be over it by now. I don't get on with my dad at all, and my brother tried to kill himself last year, i know he is hurting with everything too, but i don't know what to say to him. I think i only started to register that my mum was really gone and not just hope she was coming back from a very long holiday a couple of years ago when i was 18 and left home, now i am going through the greieving process so late and at the wrong time, because I'm trying to work out who i am. I'm sorry to ramble on so much, i just hope some of you understand what i am saying. I also found a lump in my breast recently and it has brought back all the anger and saddness as it was 8 years too late when they discovered my mums cancer at 34, and the doctors turned me away from having screening as i am "too young". I just miss her so much, i know that if she were here things would be so much easier and my whole family would'nt have fallen apart.

marymay · 12/12/2009 23:58

My lovely mum died suddenly two weeks ago.she hadnt been ill but died of a accute asthma attack she had never been told she had asthma.My heart is broken i miss her so much .i spoke to her ever day and she was the one person that really listened to all the boring stuff i had to say.
i cant face christmas but know i have to for the sake of the kids.
its my birthday next week and she would be the first person to phone me and wish me happy birthday.
i keep thinking its all a bad dream and she will walk in the door.i want to screem at everyone thats happy .

salvolatile · 13/12/2009 21:10

Marymay I am so for you I was where you are in June - there is another thread for those of us who have recently lost our mums - I am no good at links but is called "for lilred etc etc" on bereavement hope you can find it

marymay · 14/12/2009 10:06

Thank you salvolatile..Im really sorry for your loss to i cant find the thread.But will keep looking as its nice to speak to people that understand how you feel.take care x

salvolatile · 14/12/2009 21:55

Sorry darling, it says Nancy, Twoshoes, Squonk, Sidge...come over here and its down the bereavement threads a bit

christiana · 14/12/2009 22:02

Message withdrawn

Chrissy123 · 23/12/2009 17:36

Dear Mum

I miss you, more than anything and wish I could have you back, even if it was for a few minutes.
some days I dont think about you, and then I feel bad, like im forgetting you. other days I cry, but then I feel like im just feeling sorry for myself.
Most of the time I really resent dad, and wish he would care more about me, and wish it was him instead of you...but that makes me a bad person. I cant actually believe your gone and dont want to think about it, because I just feel so alone. I wish we could have had more time together, so I could have more memories.
I wish you would come into my dreams more often, so I could feel close to you...even if it is in my head.
I love you mum, so so much and cant wait to see you again.

SimpleAsABC · 23/12/2009 17:41

Sorry for all of your loses.

I was in Lidl today and saw Pannetone, a cake thing my papa always bought my Dad every year. Which usually lay in the kitchen on top of the cupboard for months because he bought them sooo early and it was a sort of Christmassy thing.

I nearly cried there and then in the aisle.

Papa died about three months ago and it's still pretty raw.

Bought my Dad the Pannetone though, he was chuffed!

Shellbear · 12/02/2010 07:08

First off I?m new here, I?m an aussie not a brit and I?m not a mum, but I do want to give you my story if you?re willing to listen...

My mum died around 10 years ago, I'm 37 now, and I miss her soo much sometimes I truly wish I could join her in the afterlife... if there is one that is. Of course there's a depressing reason why my grief over her death?s still this painfully raw and sensitive; I'm a transwoman and the last time I saw my mum I would have been around 17, not long after I started transition... that was more than 20 years ago now. Sadly the way I went about my transition didn't help matters too; and she could also never understand why I had to make these changes, but whatever the cause over the years the estrangement between us grew soo wide that it became like an unbridgeable gulf. Oh there were the occasional phone calls, letters and cards; but contact between us was always horribly strained, and when she passed away I wasn't there to be with her in her last days and moments.

The sad thing is; is that all I ever wanted was for her to know that I still loved her, and for her to accept me as the woman I am. And believe you me as a young transitioner if you don?t have full parental support there are soo many things that can go terribly terribly wrong, as in my case. So my advice to any mum who thinks she has a child with Gender Dysphoria, now called Gender Identity Disorder (or GID for short) is to accept them for who they are; to not reject them or try to suppress their true natures, but to seek immediate help from a qualified, professional and most importantly sympathetic gender therapist who should be able to give you an honest diagnosis and proper support.

Thanks for hearing me out...

imageair · 28/02/2010 23:06

I lost my mum just short of 5 years now and I miss her loads, I do feel bad that I don't go to the grave but I dont see her as if she is there
I just feel her in my hart & mind but some times I do smell her perfume in one spot in my home at times and I allways say helo mum.
When I put my son to bed I do ask my mum to look after him every since the day we was blessed with him but I can't seem to move on at all since the day she passed. & and when my wife is at work some times I look at this one pic I have of her with my dad and I cry wishing she was here If only for 10mins so I could tell her how much I love her and miss her and stand with her so she can tell me what she thinks of her grandson....

BoroughBoy · 18/09/2010 14:36

My mum died 3 months ago, I miss her so much. I'm really struggling without her and I'm a happily married male with a wonderful wife and 3 kids! I miss being able to talk to her in confidence and her wealth of experience of life. Not sure what to do now, I'm sure my wife is getting fed up with my moods and downers. What can I do. I can't bring mum back. I wouldn't really want to, she'll be happy in heaven now. Miss you so much mum.

Oneandnomore · 18/09/2010 21:42

So sorry for your loss BoroughBoy. 3 months is no time at all. You need time to adjust to this.

Take comfort in that your mum will be happy in heaven, thinking this will help you in the time to come.

A friend of mine said that grief is like a radio, you tune in and out of it. Some days it is all you can think about, and other days it will be in the background. With time, there will be more 'background' days.

Talk to your wife, let her help you to grieve. Please don't shut off from her.

Take care.

choclab · 19/09/2010 08:26

7weeks and 4 days since i lost my lovely mum Sad

i still cant believe shes gone and finding impossible to come to terms with ....i keep running over all the recent events and how at the time all was going in slow motion and knew very little , now peacing it all together like a jigsaw i can see clearly now how my poor mum suffered in silence telling no one and carrying on ...till was for late for help ....

many questions i want answers to ...but dont know when to ask ....

so sad ..an ache i feel will never go ...

sorry to everyone on here who has lost a loved one x

thomas2 · 30/09/2010 11:27

I wonder if someone could give me some feed back please, I would be so grateful ?
I lost my lovely mum suddenly 12 years ago when I was 49 years old, and still haven't come to terms with her loss and miss her soo much.
I know I could have done loads more for my mum and been more loving at times. At times I know I was very selfish and feel very guilty about this. And now its all too late........

I just read a Quote/Saying, it said " A person dies when they no longer want to live"
This has disturbed me so much.

Please could anyone interpret this saying ?.
I do feel bereft
xxx

marcusdartus · 06/10/2010 01:04

I know i might come across as a wuss, i am 50 years old and my mum died from infazima 5 years ago. although i have a wonderful wife and 4 wonderful kids my life seems to have fallen apart. i can't go a day without a tear for my mum, i miss her as a friend and a confidante, i am now on anti depressants and life just seems so pointless, i find myself parking outside her old house and just looking in the window hoping she will wave out at me just like she used to. if im not careful i will get arrested. You don't realise until it is too late that when your mum goes you lose the one person in the world that loves you unconditionally no matter how good or bad a person you are. For me most of all i miss going home at xmas to my mums front room all warm festive and welcoming and her new year stew, she would say to my wife '' you r so lucky to have him as a husband'' I say now, I was lucky to have you as a mum.