The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

Shabs, that picture is hilarious!! No wonder it makes you laugh!

As for FMN tub, please put Eris on.

FM, have you ever told us that before? I'm astounded! You must have been, and must still be and will no doubt always be so bl**dy angry! I wonder if the stupid, stupid woman realises what she did, what she cost you? And why the hell was she training someone else of she didn't actually realise the importance of what she was doing herself and why? Surely part of the training should be the reason for taking the measurements? How dare she think she knows enough to make a decision as to what "will do"?

You've made me realise something though. I know on Eris' birth notes it says something that isn't true - a measurement or something. When I first saw the notes I wondered why someone had added something on that they hadn't actually done, but thought it didn't really matter. Well, after what you've said I'm going to make sure I check everything that gets put in my notes and make sure it is what ACTUALLY happened. It's so easy to see a mw/consultant and let them write thei rnotes and just assume they are truthful, but I'm not going to assume that now. If it doesn't happen, it's not getting written down!

No probs FMN - Im going to make a list so I dont miss anyone out - cause I do have very stupid moments

Shabs - that picture of Lewis is priceless! What an absolute cutie!

Great news about Beth, what a little fighter.

I would be honoured if you would put Cole's name on your tub - (ILTMIMI wipes away a few tears at Shabs generosity of spirit and love.)

FM - what a very hard thing to have to live with - knowing that things could have be different. I wish you peace xx

Please add Jacks name too!

Shabster, would you mind adding Marcus and Chynna as well. Thank you.

Adding all these lovely names to my list. Tom is excited to paint them on for me again. xxx

Shabs - I keep meaning to ask, how is Trips dh doing?

He seems to be doing ok but, as you can imagine, it is very up and down. Will tell her you asked - she is a truly wonderful friend. xx

Its really, really cold up here in Lancashire. My friend, Nikos, from Faliraki makes it worse by telling me that today the temperature was 100 degrees

Everybody ok?

I have a stroppy nearly teenager here! Keeps telling me everything is "my job" i persuaded him to change his bed by telling him that i bet i could change my bed quicker!!! He couldnt get upstairs quick enough to change his bed! RESULT!!!!!! Just had a shower of rain. Im off to a wedding tomorrow. Antonia altered my dress this morning so i dont do a "Judy Finnegan" ha ha !! Wilf is off to Mummy2's. Im feeling old though as the bus doesnt come home from the reception till 1am! Im rather hoping i can hitch a lift home before then!!! Oh and i might do serious damage with his bl.............dy skateboard if he bangs it into the radiator much more! Can you tell its nearly the end of the holidays???

LOL Lottie - sounds like my Tom - he is at Grans today thank God!

shabster can you add Frasers name to your pot if you have room to spare??

FMN .. this is the first time I have told this story to anyone outwith my immediate family and friends. Every time I did tell it I would be in tears thinking if midwife had just cared about her job my fraser would be here

I know my consultant showed her the letter that I wrote telling him all this after the birth and she went off sick with stress for a few weeks.

so on some level she must have known what she had done... having said that I doubt
very much she remembers now (4 years on) and sure as hell doesnt think about it every day like I do

You said Eris was small .. did she not grow properly either

move it thanks for your kind words..I keep worrying that I am scaring you silly with your due date so close. I am still praying for a happy and safe outcome for all of you

sorry for rattling on at length again

Consider it done sweetheart x

shab please can u add jayden ,i went out last nite with dd and a couple of friends, my dd s friend was coming back off holiday 2 weeks ago and her little girl who was born same time as jayden was sat in back of car ,talking away when suddenly she waved and said goodbye jayden,heard by both parents,shocked had to pull overanyway her friend rang her and told her,knew i was going to see spirtulist so said they would join us,ive begged my dd to come and always said no,anyway she came and we got jayden through,honest they knew everything,dd and i sat in audience blubbering and ive never seen her so happy,oh girls im so happy

Good morning girls.

Hazy - OMG!! How wonderful. I dont know how a medium does their job and sometimes I dont know if I believe them but your post was so happy. So glad you got a message. Who did you see?

We have a local man called James Byrne - he is fantastic, truly fantastic.

I have had messages from him at about 4 different venues but the best was my mum paid for me to have a private reading with him. I sat like this for an hour!! The first time I saw him he walked over to me in the audience and said 'I will be back in a few minutes your two lads want to talk to you!!'

I am so thrilled for you and your DD - our children will never leave us because they know how much we love them and how we long to see them again. xxx

FM - don't worry, you're not scaring me, although I am having the usual pre-birth jitters that most people get. If you felt the size of this baby, you would know that the growth is going ok. I suspect it's going to be a whopper!

Hazy, thats amazing!

Shabs, thats cool that you've had messages too. I really wish I could get a recommendation for a medium near me. I saw a couple in the first couple of months after Eris died but they were crap TBH. I felt really let down and disappointed. But maybe they did their best and eris just didn't come through?

FM, I feel honoured that you've told us what happened, thank you. After I posted I realised that I'd just blabbed what was in my head and that you probably didn't need reminded of those thoughts.
Eris was 5lb 13, so not tiny but certainly not what I expected. Dd1 was 7lb 8oz at 40+5 and ds was 7lb 8oz at 38+2. Eris being only 5lb 13 at 39 weeks really surprised me. They said that the clots on the placenta had meant that she was being malnourished for a while. If I let myself think about it I wonder if they should have picked up on it somehow - things like the fact I wasn't measured at my appt 2 weeks before she died (I know those measurements aren't accurate but what would it have been? If it had been 3cm less than expected I might have been sent for a scan. If I'd gone for a scan, would they have done anything?) and that I only put on a stone in weight (although low maternal weight gain apparently isn't an indicator as the baby will take what it needs and it will be the mother who loses out....)
So nothing as obvious as what happened with you and Fraser.
All I can say is that I HOPE that midwife does remember. If she doesn't then she's learned nothing and there is nothing to stop her doing the same again and devastating somebody elses life. I know it doesn't bring your boy back, but I just hope it can't happen to anybody else.

Lottie, hope you enjoy the wedding. Don't worry about the 1am finish - it ties in nicely with my mental image of you as a party going p*ss head! In fact, if anything, I'd like to hear how you miss the bus back and find yourself at an all night rave with a bunch of teenagers!!!!!

Ooh, Ilike, can we have some sort of countdown? You must post every day how many days til EDD Day!

Remind me, do you know whether it is a boy or a girl? Are you packed and ready? Oh, you're having a home birth aren't you? Have you had any more try outs in the pool? Can you set up your PPC poolside so that you can keep us updated throughout labour ?

Morning everyone.

Shabs - Lewis is truely gorgeous! Would you add Noah's name? It's such a lovely thing you are doing.

I am 38 weeks tomorrow! Holy crap!

Cole was born at 41+2, so I'm not expecting anything to happen early.

We're having a boy and we are all ready for the off. Some days I feel ready to have this baby, then other days I am not - hormones have a lot to answer for!

hi everyone. I really want to see a medium for Jack but dont really know of any round here and worried about feeling let down like Feedmeknow did if they dont get anything through. Might look into it a bit more any advice bout finding a 'trusted' medium is welcome...
Shabs would you mind adding Jack as well if theres room- its very sweet of you to be doing this for every one. Every year we try and thing of something memorable to do for Jack weve brought his headstone, named a star after him and this year might adopt an animal at the local zoo... I really want to plant a tree but might not be in this house for too long so not much point if we cant take it with us.

You had better put Jack J next to my Jack then Shabs as we have two Jacks! I saw a medium 3 time and Jack didnt come through. I was disapointed but will try again in the future!

Mel, why dont you find out where the local Woodland Trust place is? you could have a tree planted there??

Thanks lottie...will look into it
my Jack can be Jack P thanks again shabs

www.woodland-trust.org.uk/plantatree/
Here we go Mel................