The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

Night lottie - I am still on the cider!!

Morning ladies.....sssccchhhhhhh but it is sunshining!!

Hi, It's lovely here too. Making the most of it putting the washing out!

Hope everyone is okay.

Hiya Lighthouse - good to see you here.

Hi Shabs,

How are you today?

I'm busy getting the house in order. Our house is on the market and we have 3 veiwings over the next 2 days (a miracle in this climate - the house has been on the market since early March). These are the first viewings since Noah died and I'm not sure if I do want to move now. We have all the memoires of him here and I know they are just memories which we can take with us but at the same time I feel like we'd be leaving him behind. Does that sound daft?

Not daft at all Lighthouse. We moved 3 years after Matt was killed. It was a sureal experience.

Have moved twice since then and I have realised that you take memories and love in your heart - a new start, for me, was the best thing I ever did.

Good luck.

that train of thought sounds perfectly rational to me.. its gonna be hard for you but you will come through..

another step along this crappy road

right am fed up.. will one of you please send some sunshine north of hadrians wall ... its grey and miserable

but at least I have men in kilts marching around outside my office !!!

FM - what's with the men in kilts......and is it breezy

Lighthouse, a move could be a really good thing. I sometimes think it is all too easy for us to tie our memories in with physical objects and the longer we cling on to the object the harder it would be down the line to let it go. In a slightly similar (yet not similar at all!) way, I am struggling to let go of the idea that our 4th bedroom is anything other than Eris' room. But we'll (hopefully) have to put a different baby in there next year and it will have to be "new baby's" room. But I think it would have been worse if I'd referred to it as Eris room for years THEN had to change it.

Lottie - you seem to spend an awful lot of evenings out boozing! Are you a closet lush?

FM - I can't resist a man in a kilt, there's just something so manly about them

FMN - we're having exactly the same dilemma with the nursery in our house. At the moment it is only a 2 bedroom place (will be 3-4 when dh finishes the extension!) so the new baby will have Cole's old room. I've got my head around it more than dh to be honest, so I keep dropping little hints to him that it's the nursery (decorated for babies) rather than Cole's room and that at some point the new baby will go in there.

How are you feeling about your pregnancy at the mo? Are you slowly getting your head around it? I hope you're getting good and thoughtful ante-natal care.

Lighthouse - Shabs is right, your memories are in your heart and head, not bricks and mortar. However, it still doesn't make it any easier letting go. I hope the viewings go well for you.

FMN, yeah,,,,,,,,,,,,,, im a raving alcoholic...... nooooooooooo not really... its normally just Thursday nites that we go out. I only go out for the company really when Wilfs at school as it gets lonely on my own with no one to talk too. I saw a friend of my Dads the other day and told her to make sure she looked at Jacks smart cross next time she goes to the churchyard.

Thanks ladies. Maybe a fresh start is what we need. Something to focus on and keep us busy. It's hard though.

Hope everyone is having a good Friday night.
DH and I are about to watch Juno.

evening ladies,

Tomorrow is the world pipe band champiosnhips in Glasgow green

All this week the bands have been showcasing their talents in the centre of town. Its stirring to watch..makes me feel all patriotic

We had a nursery made up for Fraser and by the time we should have been taking it apart we were expecting again. I do remember worrying about putting a new baby in there.

When we were expecing fraser there was a picture of winnie the pooh and all his friends on the outside of the door.
when I got home from the hospital dh had taken down this picture and replaced it with a sign saying ross's room .. was realy lovely really made a difference

so my little boy reached a new milestone tonight .. he played outside in the street with another neighbours little boy after nursery. I was worried sick.. was in and out the front door like a maddie.. dh kept telling me to chill and stop fussing that he would be fine

am off back to my wine

Oh flower of Scotland, what do you see....with apologies for anyone who is Scottish and I have put the wrong words. I need a kilt and a big bass drum. Are you ready girls? 'OH FLOWER OF SCOTLAND WHAT DO YOU SEE?' I reckon that might not be the right words. My FIL was from the Valleys so he would sing 'Wales, Wales, Land of my Fathers.'

Please excuse my drunken ramblings. I am mainly Irish!! Which explains a lot of things. xx

Oh Frasers Mammy - your little lad reached a massive milestone.....I am so proud of you and him. xxxxxxxxxxxx

sorry about my drunken ramblings. Its my friends fault went round to hers last night and we got on the subject of Matt - she was screaming laughing because I was talking like he used to

I was telling her all about him (for about the 100th time) and then I said 'there's only me really remembers Gareth - cause he only lived a little life'

As Lewis gets a little older he goes more and more like his Uncle Gareth. Danny took him to be weighed at the clinic and he was 10lbs 10ounces - that was the weight Gareth was the day before he died. It made me realise how tiny Gareth was because he was 7 months old not 2 months.

Older grief still bites you on the bum - you have been warned

Ive just had Mr Carpenter round to collect the last of his money for doing Jacks cross. He stayed for a cup of tea and had what we lovingly call "THE WILFRED EXPERIENCE" he handled it very well and didnt leave the house a gibbering wreck! I made a point of telling him how much everyone had liked what he had done with the cross and he was pleased. Someone said that he would probably get a lot out of working on the cross and I think he probably did.

The Wilf experience - PMSL.

One of my friends has a 6 year old boy who is autistic. He regularly makes mad passionate love to my leg and accidently mauls my bossoms He is like an amorous puppy!!! Its a standing joke now - and it has been many, many years since I have made a young man smile

Lottie you will have to give specific details of the WILF EXPERIENCE.

THE WILF EXPERIENCE is just peoples first meeting with him, depending on his mood etc. Mr Carpenter timed it right and called at the right time, had it been an hour earlier it would have been a different story, Wilf was raging against the world in general because he had new tablets from the doctor, fish oils that weren't flavoured with blackcurrant or orange! he wasnt going to take them they were in his words "horribuble" and "nasty" and "bad" i did persuade him after 20 long minutes that they would make him a clever boy!

I like that lad more every day!!! Love a child with a strong spirit.

Morning girlsxx

Now off to my mums for the afternoon.,... fingers crossed that Wilfred behaves himself,,,,,,,,, will report back later on!

Lighthouse, what did you think of the film? I watched a while back and felt quite happy at the end of it. I'd heard "complaints" about it glamorising teen pregnancy but I thought it showed them to be the young, inexpereinced people they are but in a sweet, thoughtful way IYSWIM?

Ilike, feeling OK abou the pg. Still rather reserved about it deep down, but starting to get there. My children did a sponsored walk for Sands today and there ended up being about 45 family and friends there so we made an announcement - many of them already knew but it was a big step to "make it public". Mind you, my belly is making it public enough so I couldn't keep it quiter for much longer!

Shabs, I think we should have a rule on this thread that none of us ever need apologise for drunken ramblings! Most of the time, they will do nothing other than amuse everyone else!!

Lottie, am somewhat disappointed to discover that you are not actually a bit of a lush. Thought that between Lottie-the-Lush and the WILF EXPERIENCE you two could provide us with hours of entertainment

uk.news.yahoo.com/wenn/20080817/ten-depp-law-farrell-s-gift-to-ledger-s-c60bd6d.html
I posted this in news but thought id post it here too.
What a nice gesture for Matilda.
We survived the party but i have just knocked Wilfs skateboard onto my bare foot! OUCH! and i have to confess i used the dreaded "F" word. I very rarely use it and hope Wilf didnt lipread me saying it!

Hi everyone.
Feedmenow - I agree. Having lost Noah recently I found it quite bittersweet but uplifting at the end. When is your baby due?