The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

Ooops! Should be where the sun don't shine!!

Morning FMN - know what you mean about bad dreams when you are pregnant. Had nightmares all through with Tom. They always had vampires, massive rats and......oh thats enough it makes me shudder to think about them.

I reckon it is all anxiety, stress and sadness - I used to talk to my lads before I went to sleep and ask them not to send the bad dreams. Sometimes it works?

Take care darling or else I will have to come and snog that lovely fella of yours Come on now - chin up, smile glued on, deep breath and go get 'em xx

OMG just been on Facebook and Nikos (beautiful Greek lad who we are good mates with) has just 'naughty poked' me!! Thats it now I reckon I may be joining you at ante-natal!!

I dont think he has any idea what he is doing on FBook - mind you, neither do I!! Just know that his naughtypoke has made my day!!

Hi Ladies, I'm back and now a married woman!

Everything went really well and the wedding helped the day to stay a happy one rather than a sad one. Although at the end of the day we put my bouquet on Cole's grave and that's when the tears came.

Hi to Mel, sorry we have to meet like this, but I look forward to seeing you here again. Have a laugh, have a cry, do what ever you need to do.

Scooby - we will still be here whenever you need us. I hope you are ok xx

Lottie - I bet you are very proud of Wilf. I bet you held your breath until he walked back through the door again!

Shabs - I've got a visual image of your bosoms bouncing whilst handing over the baton

FMN - vivid dreams are a common side affect of pg. Remember they don't really mean anything, it's a way of your stress and anxities manifesting themselves. All will be well xx

Phew, if I've forgotten anyone it isn't intentional. Take care xx

www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.shtml
Hi all, i forgot i had this site listed on the computer... dont know if anyones heard of it before but it may be helpful Wilfs gone to Playscheme now till 4pm!!

Have just looked again and realised it is in the USA sorry may still be useful though!

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Moveit - so thrilled for you.

We raised (several) glasses to all of you xx

Yeah, congrats Moveit! Can you port any piccies? Would love to see you both on your special day....

FM - hope the tonsils are better now?

Shabs - meant to say how brave you are being with Tom. My dd1 is 9 and I suggested to her last week that maybe she should be allowed round to the shop and back (only round the corner I hasten to add!) but she is point blank refusing! I think I'll let her make her own choice on it - after all, I would much rather she stayed wrapped up in cotton wool safe in my arms til she's at least 40! So if she isn't ready then I sure as hell won't be pushing her! Ds on the other hand says he'll go - he's only 6 so I think not!

A naughty poke eh? Is that all it takes Shabs, one naughty poke and you're knocked up?? he, he, he.......

Scooby, I so hope that whatever crap stuff is going on gets better and that you soon feel able to come and have a chat. Whenever you're ready we'll be here..... xx

Its going to be a strange looking baby!!! I am 4ft 11ins tall (and wide) and he is 6' 7" with size 15 feet.

congrats moveit.. glad you had a good day .. what a lovely thing to do with your bouquet.

All this talk of sending kids out by themselves for the first time ... I thought I would share this with you

I had to go out to get my antibiotics a few days ago and I said to ross.. right come on put your jacket on we need to go buy mummy some medecine.
I dont want to go. You need to go mummy needs medicine to make her better so she can play with you again. I dont want to go ..come on we will be back in 5 mins and you can play with your toys

response.. you go on your own mummy I will be fine for 5 mins I wont go in the kitchen I promise cos I have had my breakfast (he is 3)

FM - only 3 and so independant!!! Who won that "battle" BTW ?

Shabs, am picturing a really cute little leprachaaun baby with clown feet!!!!

Just thought I'd let you all know I've just got back from my scan and finally have a due date - 4th Feb. However, I know I won't make it that far (consultant will break my waters at 38 weeks if my cervix is favourable. If not, I'll probably go for a section [having had 2 already I know they'll do it]) So that means I am officially 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

I once (when drunk) asked Nikos what size shoes he takes. He said 'size 15's' I said 'You know what having big feet means dont you Nikos?' He looked at me for a while then said very seriously 'Yes, it means I have to buy big socks!'

Nikos' older brother was killed in a scooter accident two years ago. Kostas was equally as handsome and a good friend. I have watched Nikos go through the same grieving process as all of us here. It was Kostas' memorium service when we were there 2 yrs ago. He asked me to go to the mass and said he would be honoured if I went.

I was the only English person there - and they grieved so differently - except for the boys Mum - Angelica. She wailed and shouted Kostas where are you' over and over again. Nobody went to comfort her - they are more stiff upper lip than we are.

I send her a card every month - just a 'thinking about you' card. She cant speak any English and I only speak a little Greek but words are not needed - I look into her eyes and see emptiness. In July Nikos wept buckets in front of me, for the first time ever. He is like a son to us.

I'm surprised he doesn't have to get his socks specially made with feet that size

Shabs, are they really more "stiff upper lip"? I always thought the English were the master of SUL, and I've always imagined the Greeks as a lot more open and emotional.

I remember you saying before that you went out there for the memorial. It is lovely that they wanted you there, but it doesn't surprise me. x

I think the men are not encouraged to show their grief and the women seem to just get on with it. The priest was useless - he just walked past Angelica.

I wonder if that is partly a religious thing too? I don't mean to generalise, but the Greeks are usually quite religious aren't they? I wonder if their religion means that they should be acceptant of "God's will"? I could be talking complete cr*p here.....

aww fmn thats good news.. one more step along the way... how are you feeling tonight.. are you having a temporary up moment ???

Its really sad when you dont speak the same language as someone else and yet you can see in their eyes exactly what they feeling. Just goes to show you no matter what creed colour or religion, grief is the same all over the globe.

how is everyone else tonight ??

and oh fmn .. lets just say 3 mins after this conversation he was in his car seat with his jacket on and a tear stained face!! such a bad mother

Hi all, ive had a good day so far... Wilfs in the bath at the mo, tomorrow he goes to Mummy2 for the day/night, im off to a fete in the afternoon then in the evening i'm going to a charity do for Clic Malcom Saergant. Several years ago a lady i know who used to work at my sisters restaurant's son had leukemia and they were brilliant with him and he ended up being on their posters! Hes now a strapping teenager but i always remember how good they were to the family its also an excuse to go out with frinds for a drink too, Wilfs going to his home girlfriends(he has a school one too ) i wont be seeing him till Sunday afternoon! He isnt the most tactful child showing home girlfriend pictures of him hugging school girlfriend! If he isnt careful he'll end up with no girlfriends at all!!

Morning girls. Lottie thats why I love Wilf - home girlfriend, school girlfriend ROFL xx

FMN - think you are right about the Greek people accepting that it is Gods will. They are really religious - I tried to explain about Compassionate Friends to Nikos but he couldn't understand the concept. He just said 'we will get through this as a family in private.'

He has had a tatoo done on the inside of his arm. It says 'Kostas my brother my friend' and has his birth and death dates. He usually takes us to the airport when we are coming home and we always stop at his brothers shrine. It is on the side of the road where the accident happened. It is always full of flowers and has candles burning inside it. Either a friend or a family member goes every day to clean it and light a new candle.

FM - I just can't believe you didn't let a 3 yo stay home alone .

Lottie - do you think Wilf will maintain the multiple girlfriend thing s he grows up? Obviously not if he flaunts them in front of each other!

FM - I think I had a temporary up moment yesterday but I am back to my usual foul mood again today. I just can't be bothered to do anything. Just want to curl up in bed. BUT, I am forcing myself to leave the house shortly and go into town with dd1. Ds is going to stay at home with dp and play Tiger Woods golf on the Wii.

We are going to see dp's parents later - I haven't seen them since 15th June and they only live about 6 miles away. It's shocking, but I refuse to organise EVERYTHING. I remind dp to arrange things with his parents and he doesn't, but I'm his dp not his mother and I refuse to "wipe his bum" for him, IYSWIM. We see my family loads cos I stay in touch (and cos both dp and I work with my dad, admittedly!) but we see them loads socially too, cos I actually LIKE them. Dp on the other hand, obviously views his family as an obligation rather than a pleasure. Ach, I'm rambling. Am obviously trying to delay going in to town.....

I dont think i can deal with more than one Wilf girlfriend at a time! Ive just got in from the fete at the local healing centre.. all afternoon all i got was "Wheres Wilf?" I didnt realise how popular he is lol! He has had a ball at his Mummy 2's and seen his his special brother,, apparently he isnt at all interested in his new niece I'm now looking forward to going to the charity night!!

lottie its nice to hear you are having a fun weekend..

looks like wilf will be bring lots of girls home for your aproval in the future.. the big question is will any of them be good enough for your little boy????

fmn its a man thing .. if you dont say every 2 days have you called your mother they wouldnt bother .. but I tell you ross will not be allowed to move out till he promises to phone me once and a day and come see me twice a weeks.. but then again if I say this he might emigrate to australia to avoid me

everyone else is very quiet or it is just that you cant get a word in edgeways??

right thats enough emoticons for one post

Evening all.... im sposed to be getting ready.... will get there eventually lol. Hope everyone else is having a good weekend! FM i will be strictly supervising Wilf's gfs in a few years!!!

Hi Shabster, Hi everyone.
It's been a while since my last post. It's been over a week since we got back from our break. Seems longer though. DD had a wonderful time. It was harder on my DH and me. We just constantly thought and missed Noah. xx

Hiya lighthouse - good to have you back. Oh to be a child again? Everything is either black or white - there are no grey areas. xx