The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

My twin sons were born at the end of 1981 so are a few months younger than you I think......OMG now I feel very old!!

Have to turn in - Mel - hope I havent scared you away. See you all in the morning girls.....take care, love to all of you xxxxxx

hey shabster. nah you didnt scare me away. Ds woke up and had to settle him so my DH kindly(?) turn off laptop for bed -cause he'd had enough of x box!
Sorry for your loss too.
I'd much rather people be straight with me cause thats how I am too.
I lost my baby jack through stillbirth xmas 2005.
It was xmas eve and i'd realised that I hadnt felt him move for a while my other half wanted to ring MW but I thought if I kept trying things- long walk, bath, ice cream he would move. But as I was sat in the bath I think I knew what had happened just didnt want to admit it. My DH rung MW who assurred me it would be nothing, until I saw the look on her face when she examined me. she sent us straight to hospital where they confirmed there was no heartbeat. We decided to go home for the sake of my DS who was 2 -so luckily a bit too young to understand. We didnt want him to miss out on xmas day- even tho we hated every minute of it. When he was tucked up in bed we went to the hospital to be induced and I delivered jack on boxing day about 10pm. In a way we were lucky cause he MW found a knot in the cord (well it was actually 3 knots) so they were quite certain that was what had happend but couldnt confirm it until autopsy.
It broke our hearts to leave him at the hospital. My DH and parents were great but his family werent so supportive and a lot of people still avoid the subject or dont understand why we can no longer enjoy xmas as others do. But try not to let it effect our boys.

OMG Mel - Oh my piggin' god - why does Jacks story sound even worse because it happened at Christmas.

I am sat here with a shocked look on my face - My 4th DS Tom hardly moved all through my pregnancy so I can only imagine how you must have felt trying everything to make Jack move.

Oh sweetheart. No loss so sad as that of a child.

Please keep posting - there are lovely mums on here who give help and accept help from each other - we can all learn from each other.

Thank you for sharing your story - sorry for being a nosey sod.

Hi Mel. I lost my Jack at Christmas in 1994, i don't enjoy Christmas as much now but feel i have to go through the motions for my younger son whos now 12. Hus and Kisses for you ()()()()()() xxxxxxxx

Lottie - I didn't realise you lost your little lad at Christmas as well......it somehow seems even worse. I hate New Years Eve. My twins were born on the 28th December so my third (blubbing bawling day) day was New Years Eve. Every part of me was sore, my milk came in, we found out just how poorly Gareth was and he was taken to the local Childrens hospital with police motorbike escorts. It was one of the worst days of my life.....I have to work very hard to enjoy New Year.

My niece was born six weeks before Jack, i missed her christening because i was in hospital... i remember sitting holding her on Christmas Day afternoon and crying... whenever i hear Stay Another Day by E17 i cry and remember Jack.

Hi Mel, nice to meet you. Shabs is right - it does seem so much sadder at what should be a festive, happy time of year. I can't imagine how you got through that day knowing that Jack had already gone - a brave, brave lady.

Lottie, I didn't know you lost your Jack at christmas too.

Strange though, I mean it being at christmas is obviously harder cos you have to face the world each year even though you're mourning inside. Eris died on Dp's dads birthday so, although not as major an event, we'll still have to smile through the day each year. But the reason I said "strange" is because as mums who have lost a child, none of us want to forget, none of us want other people to forget, but having that harsh reminder (like christmas or someones birthday) makes it even harder. i don't think I'm explaining my thoughts very well here, but humour me! I mean, I know that every year on dp's dads bday, everyone on that side of the family will definately remember Eris - so isn't that a good thing in a way? Oh I don't know, I think I'll give up before I muck this up completely!!

Off to Bird World tomorrow - maybe the birds will peck out what is left of my brains.....

I know exactly what you meed FMN.

or even what you 'mean!'

jayden died on 1st december,wed been to dd house that evening and bought all three grandkids an advent calendar,we opened the first door as wed done withour children,less than four hours later he was gone, i cried when i bought three calendars last year,

[Tentative]Hello
Have popped in to say Hi and to say that I have directed someone to this thread[IMnotOK]is her name.Just in case she comes on.I am not in a proper frame of mind to post on here at the mo but I do try to keep up when I can.Though I do have a fair bit to catch up with you all.
Take care Ladiesxxxxxxxxxxx

Dooby - hiya darling. If you would like to talk via email just give me a shout and I will send you my address.

Glad you encouraged someone else to come and join our club - a regretful club but a reasonably sane and happy one. Dont be a stranger my love. We need you to help us and us to help you. xxxxxxxx

I have already decided that when it comes to my turn to 'pass the baton' I am going to pass it on to Lottie and Wilf. I have felt honoured and proud to be part of Eris' thread and Lottie and Wilf make me smile which cant be all bad.

So, you two, I will run behind you, with my bossoms bouncing to hand you the baton. xxxxxxxxx

Morning girls - so sorry Lottie I missed Jack out of your 'lineup'

I am the proud owner of a million mozzy bites (well at least 6) must have had one in my bra!! Ouch! Have been bitten more here in Lancashire than I was in Greece - and Greece is famous for Mozzies!

Gosh.... thanks Shabs... i'll have to think of a title for my thread now... im honoured thanks!! xxx

No probs Lottie - Hope you and Wilf are ok - your stories about him always make me LOL xx He sounds great

Big day today for Wilf hes been allowed to go to the shop on his own on his bike today!!
Hes just gone again to get his tea from the chip van... im very worried!

He got back ok! I then went down and checked with the chip lady that he had been ok! This afternoon when he went out two of the villages "senior ladies" saw him and he didnt see them, later they flagged me down and said how sensible he had been! That meant a lot as he hadnt seen them and they were able to watch in an unbiased way!!

Tom played out today in our street with about 10 new friends. I have never let him do that before - but he is 11

I had to have a word with myself because all the time I was waiting for a neighbour to knock on my door and say he had been run over - have to keep reminding myself that he is Tom not Matt

It has been so difficult and I can understand exactly what you mean Lottie - sounds like Wilf did an amazing job

hi ladies thanks for all the kind posts.

lottie- I agree i just go through the motions at xmas too it doesnt really mean much to me anymore (in a festive way). I got given a bottle of ghost that xmas and when I wear it, it reminds me of jack in bad &good and bad ways. and like hazy girl said its simple things that make it hit hard at those times.

FMN- I understand exactly what you mean its like you have to put on a brave face cause its MEANT to be a happy occasion. I think I coped on the day cause I went on auto pilot. Its really weird its still like a dream in some ways. I think thats why I find it hard to come to erms with sometimes. did you enjoy birdworld?

I will def be on here more....been on other chat room pages like this but no one really wants a 'chat' just post comments- youve all been so friendly and welcoming- thanx. x

evening everyone.. I have been laid low with tonsilitis the last few days so not had the energy to post but not wanting to miss out on anything I have been lurking

Hi mel I'm sorry that you are on this horrid journey too but glad you have come to join us

My first son was still born in 2005 as well and anniversarys are soo hard I cant imagine how horrific it is to cope with these emotions during the festive season

shabster you have nothing to be ashamed of it just letting Tom out now

Its only natural that you want to wrap him in cotton wool after what you have been through .. you will worry every time he is out but like everything else it will get easier with time

lottie you must have been soo proud to be flagged down and told how sensible wilf is

move it,... sorry a bit late catching up but congrats .. what a lovely date to get married ... hope it goes well

fmn how are you ??? are you feeling any better the last few days ?

hope everyone else is ok

Morning girls....and so begins another day of paperwork and red tape!! Moving all our stuff to the new house was a doddle when compared to British Gas, Benefits, Change of address, re-directing mail etc etc. I am 'drowning' in paper and 'press 1 to wait for 30 mins, press 2 if you are sick of waiting!!'

And press 3 if you'd like to shove your phone where the dun don't shine!!!!!

Thank goodness for you lot helping keep me sane. I am in a permanent foul mood at the moment and I just don't know what to do about it.

I've had horrible dreams the last 2 nights about a little boy - first dream the boy was about 8 and the 2nd it was a baby. I remember more about the first one but it is too horrible to recount. Last nights dream I know was horrible but I don't remember what it was about.

Bird World was exhausting Mel! Even though we seemed to spend most of the time sat down eating or drinking, it was still exhausting! And the children seemed to spend more time playing in the playgrounds than looking at the darn birds! I also thought it a little distasteful that the birds of prey had dead little fluffy yellow chicks in their cages for their dinner and then when we went to the farm there were cute little fluffy yellow chicks running round in pens! I know that is what they are fed, but to then have them as a display in their own right was somewhat odd!

Shabs, good luck with the paperwork! I still haven't changed everything over, I'm sure! My driving license still has my parents address on it from when I first passed aged 17! Really must get that sorted.....

I'm off to have my legs waxed this morning and have also decided to get my underarms done for the first time ever....have been growing my pit hair especially! Am I mad? Will I cry?

Have also been looking in to prpoer bikini waxing after a discussion with my friend that bog standard high street places just DO NOT take their bikina waxing seriously! My friend has found a couple of potential places in London that we are sure will take it seriously - so much so that they talk about waxing your inner buttocks if you want/need it!!!!! I don't want to quite go that far but I want them to wax in the right direction at least!! If you can take the pain, check out the detail on their websites!

Torture Chamber No. 1

Torture Chamber No. 2