The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

happy bithday Matt.

I hope the day passes peacefully for you trips .you are in my thoughts and prayers today

fmn ..dont feel like you have to go.. we are here if you want to be sad. Obviously you are still grieving for Eris, but you will also be worried about no 4 , you have all these hormones raging round your body and on top of all of this you will be exhausted .. you are basically having 2 pregnancies back to back. You shed as many tears as you like.

dippy

never having been in this position I dont know what to say ...

I can only imagine the anger and sadness that you are feeling

I hope you find a donor quickly and that your dh makes a full recovery

I am praying for you and your family

someone said sent me this quote a few years ago

God doesnt send me more than he thinks I can cope with - I just wish he didnt trust me quite so much .. MOTHER THERESA

Lot's of things to say, so apologies if I miss anyone out - it isn't intentional.

Lottie - What a hard week you've had. The memorial of your friend and the anniversary of your dh. Be kind to yourself and give Wilf an extra big hug when you see him next.

Dippy - I'm so sorry to hear about your dh, what a shock. I hope a match is found soon. Did you know that they can tell you how many matches they find? Also they search a worldwide database, so there is a good chance there are people out there who can help him. Sending positive match vibes your dh's way.

TheMadHouse - your poor niece. She must have felt it was her only option at the time. I really hope her friends and family will be able to help her realise that it's just not her time yet. She's still here because she's still got things to do - call it destiny if you like.

FMN - I can't remember exactly, but I had a major wobble at about 14 weeks pg, then spoke to my dp, MW and GP (who was effing useless) about how I was feeling. It probably then took a few weeks for me to rationalise how I was feeling. I knew I couldn't have Cole back, I knew this was a new life and not a replacement, I reconciled the fact that I will probably have three children eventually rather than two. Plan's change according to circumstances and we never know what those circumstances are going to be.

Trips - much love to Matt and all of your family. I'll be thinking of you all today xx

FM - I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I didn't want you to think you had gone unnoticed by me.

Much love to all of us and our dc, it sounds like we all need a bit of tlc and a bloody great bar of Dairy Milk washed down some rioja this week xx

Thaénk you for your emails iltmtm, willl get back to you!

No probs ggg, take care xx

Triplets and Dippy, hugs for both of you, I dont know what else to say or do....... will pray for you both, Its Wilfs birthday tomorrow,,, he's going to the cinema tonight to see KungFu Panda! Then to Nandos for what he calls "posh food"!!! We are having a carpet picnic on Friday night for tea, then hes going bowling with his cousin and four friends on Saturday. Triplets i know how i feel on Jacks birthday each year and i always go to a special service for people who have lost a baby each year to remember him too. I know Matthew was older and how much harder it must be. Lots of love and hugs xx

Dippymother - sending love and hugs

trips happy 29th birthday to matt today,big hugs and hope you and h and children ok,take care.

fmn my dd says if you ever want to talk you have her email,anytime hun as you know her dd was born nine months after losing jayden,.

madhouse im so sorry about your niece ,hope shes ok.
hello to everyone else ,im so sorry life is so hard at moment ,thinking of you all and big hugsxx

We have been celebrating Matthews 29th birthday all day here in Greece - with strawberry cheesecake ice cream and bottles of Greek lager. Happy birthday Matthew - come on my dear friend Trips - a big smile for Matthew (it counts even if it is an Elanor Rigby smile) I know how hard it is - how very hard. I cant go off here till I have made you smile - Oh I know - on the pretence of it being Nikos' birthday as well I got a birthday snog off him

Carrying you down into the town tonight trips - carrying you in my heart to celebrate your lovely, lovely boys birthday. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just wanted to say thank you to you all for Matthews birthday wishes, its lovely to see his name, we went to the cemetery this afternoon and it rained and rained and rained, the grave digger was there filling in, two nuns who died on the same day, it was grim. Have candles burning by his lovely photo now, can`t believe he is 29.
Shabs...you are such a star, love you, please say Happy Birthday to Nikos and give him a kiss from me!

Dippy, I feel gutted for you, its all a nightmare isn`t it? I pray you will find your donor very soon xxxx

Happy Birthday Boxing Day Matthew! Just think Trips, he should be here bemoaning the fact that only one more year and he'd be in his 30's!! You're the mum of a nearly 30 year old! I find it strange when you and Shabs talk about your boys cos when they died they were only teenagers, so that is how I automatically picture them - but then you say how old they are now and I have to completely reshuffle my mental picture to being one of a younf man, not a possibly spotty, slightly awkward teen! Do either of you feel that you know how they'd really look now if they were here?

Dippy, I am so , so sorry to hear about your dh. I am so grateful that I don't know anyone in RL who has been through this, but then that means I can't truly relate to you and how you must be feeling (sorry, don't think this is coming out right ....) I wish I could offer you something to help you both. I am on the bone marrow donor register and have always been surprised that I've never been contacted (although I don't know if I could do it anymore as I've had a transfusion?) because they always seem to be crying out for donors. Lots of love to you both. xx

Lottie, hope Wilf's birthday is fantastic! I love carpet picnics!! (And I rather want to see KungFu Panda too.....)

Hazy, any chance you could remind me of your daughters email as I tidied up and lost it? TQ!

Hiya girls - back home about midnight on Saturday night. Have already had a good cry and its only Thursday!! Back to reality I suppose. Thinking about you all as I have done for the last two weeks. xxxxxx See you all soon.

Frasersmummy, ILTMIMI, lottie, louiseann, triplets, FMN thank you so much for your kind messages. I hope they find a donor soon, the hospital are positive about finding one as there are thousands of people all over the world on the register, so well done all you mumsnetters that are on the bone marrow donor register. I have to admit that I'm not on the register and unfortunately, now too old for it. It is such a good thing to do and I only wish I had registered years ago. I suppose that's hindsight.

Off to the hospital today so will probably not be on here till tomorrow, but wish everyone well. Triplets, belated birthday wishes to Matthew, it is hard to imagine our boys at 29 etc isn't it? My Adrian will be 20 on the 21st July and my friend's daughter (born at the same time), is living with her boyfriend and has a baby son, I just can't imagine what that must be like.

Dippy - I hope things go ok at the hospital today. I'll be thinking of you.

Lottie - I meant to say I hope Wilf had a good birthday and enjoyed Kungfu Panda and his posh food!

Hiya girls - starting the long slog - you know - hotel to airport, stand in a queue, stand in a queue at passport control, wait for flight, 4 hours flight and then do it all in reverse

2 enormous white butterflies have spent the fortnight around the pool with us!! Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Morning -

Hi Shabs, lovely to have you back even if you still wish you were elsewhere!

Went to a friends birthday "festival" yesterday and met a lady - a colleague of one of my best friends - who's daughter lived only 26 hours, born just over three years ago. She sent me a card a couple of months ago - a really touching card, obviously as it is from a person who knows how it feels for themselves. Anyway, I finally met her yesterday, had a lovely talk. I think I was quite surprised that I was so interested in hearing about her dd too, maybe because I know how nice it is to be able to talk about our angels. I wonder if she still gets the chance to talk about her dd a lot, even now?

Dippy, how is dh? And you too, of course? Thinking of you both. xx

Everybody else having a nice weekend? I'm off to a family wedding reception this evening. Booked into a hotel for the night. Plan had originally been to get plastered and have a lazy Monday, but obviously no plastering for me now!!!!!

Hi all. Nice to see you back Shabs....... Wilf got himself locked in the garage last nite... long story but the short version is he got stroppy and was kicking the outside of the garage door, i took our visitors in the house and left him kicking, when i went out five minutes later and the kicking had stopped he wasnt out there.... i opened the garage door, he had gone in there and shut the door, then couldnt get out, so was kicking! When i opened the door he stood there and said "you locked me in mummy"!!! i wont publish my response!

welcome back to reality shabster

the good news is that its monday morning 10.30 am and I am still at home

The bad news is that every so often I have to work to 8pm and this is one of those weeks.

The thing about working till 8pm in my office is that everyoneelse goes home from 4pm onwards till there are only 2 of us left 6-8 pm and its such a looooonnngg 2 hours

och well it pays for chocolate and wine I guess

I take it everyone is either a) working far too hard to be on MN, or b) out enjoying the sunshine!

Had fun and frolics at a cousins wedding reception yesterday - family arguments, me making a ver un-PC comment (and being sober!) and a few comments for me about Eris......anyway, will tell you all about it later!

I am at work and seeing as I am working late I am pleased to say there is no sunshine here in Glasgow

Go on fmn post some of your tales to keep me going at the office

We got the house!! Sign the papers and get the key on Friday and they want us to be in by Monday night...

hi eveyone hope all is well,im so thrilled for you shabsterxxx

hiya hazy - thanks for your kind words love xx