Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

1000 replies

shabster · 12/06/2008 14:30

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/06/2008 19:38

Hi there Shabs. I hope you have a great time in Faliraki. I often think about all of our lo's, but Matt will defo me in my thoughts tomorrow xx

I hope we have all had good weekends. Here's hoping the good weather is here to stay.

lottiejenkins · 29/06/2008 22:04

Wilf had a fairly good weekend aside from waking me with hysterical screams at 10.45 on Fri nite cos there was a daddy long legs on the landing! he "doesnt do" daddy long legs!

shabster · 30/06/2008 09:48

Morning girls - Happy 24th birthday to my Mattie - it makes me smile just typing out his name - he loved his birthday xxxxxx

Hope you are all well xx

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 30/06/2008 10:06

Happy birthday Matt. See, you can still bring a big smile to your mum's face

lottiejenkins · 30/06/2008 10:12

Happy Birthday Matt xx make sure you find my Jack for a game of footy!!

frasersmummy · 30/06/2008 10:16

happy birthday Matt

shabs its nice to know that you can smile today

UMPAH!!!!!

hazygirl · 30/06/2008 20:21

happy birthday mattxx big hugs shabs xthinking of you todayx

shabster · 30/06/2008 23:40

Goodnight my friends, all is well....all is well xx

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 01/07/2008 23:49

I dont like a day to go past without a message so Hello all xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 02/07/2008 18:37

Hello .............

Anybody there ..............

Are we all either living it up on our hols, or watching Wimbledon?

frasersmummy · 02/07/2008 22:07

I'm here thought nobody was talking to me!!

how are we all tonight?? Its cold and wet here in Glasgow so I've cracked opent the wine

anybody for a glass of pino grito??

hazygirl · 02/07/2008 22:28

hi im here just got in x its wet here too tnitex

frasersmummy · 02/07/2008 23:17

isnt it odd how the strangest thing can trigger you thinking about the past

just after we lost Fraser we went to a caravan in the lake district. While we were there a plastics factory in Glasgow exploded killing 9 and injuring around 30 . The public enquiry into this has just started

Its weird every time the news item says stockline plastics I think of Fraser..

Like I say I know this is really odd but I just had to get this off my chest and I know you nice people wouldnt laugh

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/07/2008 09:01

I know what you mean FM.

We lost Cole last November, so this year seems to be a year full of anniversaries. Nearly every day or week I think about what we were doing this time last year. Some of the time the memories are great and make me smile, but there are also memories that make me sob my heart out.

I hope that over time the sad memories will diminish and the happy ones will shine.

shabster · 03/07/2008 12:09

Afternoon my friends. It only takes a song, a scent, a child that looks like mine, a voice that sounds like theirs and my sons come into my mind. Hope you are all ok? Thinking about all of you.......if I already posted this on here please forgive me.....we have been allocated the council house we applied for before we went away and it is in the next road to where we live now...UMPAH...all will be well my friends, all will be well

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/07/2008 12:24

Hi there Shabs.

Great news about the house

hazygirl · 03/07/2008 13:20

hi shabs im so thrilled for youxx

lottiejenkins · 03/07/2008 14:08

Am so pleased Shabs... maybe my positive songs helped!! lol

LouiseAnn · 04/07/2008 10:40

hello Shabs, that's great news about the house. I am really pleased for you. Just got to do the packing now....

lottiejenkins · 05/07/2008 21:52

Hello all... hope everyone is ok xxxxxxxxxxxx

TheMadHouse · 05/07/2008 23:53

I am not a berieved mummy, but my darling step neice lost her much loved and terribly hard come baby little boy three weeks ago and we burried him yesterday.

Hw was born in January after an extreamly traumatic birth and suffered from a lack of oxygen, due to medical negligence. He nearly died 5 times in the first four weeks of his life, but survived and thrived, even though the had cerable palsy. We all loved him, he was a joy, he loved to be in the company of children and was such a smily little man.

it seems he just died in his sleep, but as you can imagine, she is beside herself and we do not know how to offer any comfort. Infact I feel a terrible guilt because I am glad that my boys are OK and her little man is no longer with us.

It is so hard, all she wants is a miracle and to have her child back.

She asked for the following poem to be read at his funeral, as she feels as though she is no longer his mother:

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mummy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mum who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mummy set me free.

I miss my Mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mummy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mum

I am sorry for the intrusion, but what if any thing can I do, what did you need in the months after. Things are not over as there is going to be an inquest.

I am proud to have been a small part in such a special life.

Sorry again for the intrusion

lottiejenkins · 06/07/2008 07:13

Please do not feel like you are intruding....the poem is beautiful.

frasersmummy · 06/07/2008 09:24

madhouse please dont apologise for coming to join us we are glad you did I am soo sorry for the loss of your great niece. Thank you for sharing this poem its beutiful.

The best thing you can do for your niece right now is just to be there to listen and to hug her. I know you are probably wondering what to say. There are no right words right now. Your neice will appreciate you just being there with a hug and a box of tissues, though chocolate and alcohol will also be appreciated

What age are your own kids? From what you said I am guessing that you feel you should hide then from your niece, but I really dont think she would want that. I would ask her what she would like you to do. Trust me she will be pleased that you have asked her to express her feelings.

Its quiet on here at the moment as everyone is off sunning themselves, but please stay with us, there are a lot of lovely ladies on here who will be able to give you words of comfort as you support your niece

TheMadHouse · 06/07/2008 10:31

Thank you ladies.

My two are just two and three, infact inb nearly all of the photos of baby Lincoln, he is dressed in the boys old clothes, which makes me smile.

It is difficult due to the fact that she is my step neice (my Bro) married her mum and her dad is very angry at the minute.

Alcolhol is not an issue as my Bro and SIL run a club .

Thank you for your kind words

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 06/07/2008 10:32

Madhouse - I am so sorry to hear about your niece's little man. Please feel free to post here anytime.

Like FM said, be there for your niece. Let her know that you are thinking of her. Offer practical and emotional support, and most importantly don't be afraid of talking about her son. There's nothing worse than thinking no one has remebered our lost ones.

I personally found other people's children a comfort when I lost my son, but I think that may be different for everyone, so maybe ask her her opinion.

I think your guilt regarding your sons is perfectly normal, the saying 'there for the grace of God go I' is very apt. I would say it is a mother's instinct to feel like that.

Much love to all your family xx

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread