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The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

1000 replies

shabster · 12/06/2008 14:30

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

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LouiseAnn · 23/06/2008 21:35

Shabs - hugs gratefully received thank you.

shabster · 24/06/2008 10:41

Good morning girls - everybody ok?

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frasersmummy · 24/06/2008 14:56

afternoon.. I am bored

am stuck in the office wishing I was somewhere else

Lottie its nice when you can smile at the happy memories as well as cry.. it kinda restores your balance a bit.

I do feel for all of you that have known your child for a while before they were taken from you. I dont have all the reminders that must appear in your daily lives. I do cry when i realise all I have is footprints, handprints and a lock of hair. But then on the other hand facing the constant reminders of what could have been must be sooo hard.

The headstone was really really hard. We knew we wanted something small as he was just a baby but we didnt want a teddy or anything .. nothing wrong with them just personal choice

We got a lovely polished blue marble stone about half the size of normal one with a rounded top snf carved edging round it. Its a beautiful colour when the sun shines on it.

We spent longer fretting about the inscripton. In the end we went with

"tread softly our dreaams lie buried here"

better get back to work !!!

lottiejenkins · 24/06/2008 17:51

Dont know if i have posted this particular Beth Nielson Chapman song,,, i know i have posted I Find Your Love..
This is called Sand and Water...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLcKPtENmcU&feature=related
She has the most hauntingly beautiful voice and a sad story to tell too, she lost her husband to cancer in 1994 which is what this song is about, she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2000. A truly inspirational woman!

feedmenow · 24/06/2008 19:03

Just a quick post - I haven't read everyone elses so I don't mean to be rude if I've missed something important, and I hope everyone is well today.

Had scan and appt with Cons. All looks OK, but they've dated me at approx 6 weeks, which I'm sure can't be right. I hope this isn't a sign of reduced development or anything.

Anyway, am really tired so not hanging around this evening but big hugs to all. xx

TiggerLicious · 24/06/2008 19:12

Sorry Shabs!!! But I saw Gareths and Matties name so I had to come and be part of their thread!!

Lots of love to all you wonderful mums.x.

Doobydoo · 24/06/2008 19:21

Hi All
Just wanted to say I think of you all lots.But haven't had strength,time,energy to read posts for about a week or so I will do at some point[before we get a new thread!]Hope you are all doing ok.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 24/06/2008 19:43

Dooby - what's up? Do you want to talk? We are always here if you do.

FMN - why do you think your scan date can't be right? The optimum time for the EDD is at the 12 week scan, so maybe discuss it further with the sonographer and MW then?

frasersmummy · 24/06/2008 20:01

FMN I remember my consultant telling me that babies all grow at the same rate till 2o weeks

its only after this point you can see the difference in small medium and large babies. So I think this means the baby cant be too small at this stage

I know this is not going to be a long scary 9 months for you..please keep posting your worries/concerns here and we will do our best to keep giving you positive answers

I am praying for a safe delivery for you both

shabster · 25/06/2008 07:23

Morning girls - hope everyone is ok xxxx

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lottiejenkins · 25/06/2008 09:41

Morning Shabs.... had you heard that BNC song before? cant remember if i posted it before or not, i sooooooo love her music!

feedmenow · 25/06/2008 14:00

FM, Ilike - I just don't see how I can only be 6 weeks. I had a positive test on 7th June which, if scan is right, would have been at 4 weeks. But I'd already been getting loads of symptoms. Every other pregnancy, I haven't had symptoms til 6 to 7 weeks.

Oddly though, my consultant didn't even look at the scan report. She just went on when I said my last period was, which I don't even really know if it was a period.

I assume they'll book my 12 weeks scan based on me currently being 8 weeks. If I get there and they say I'm only 10 weeks, I suppose I'll have to go back for another scan 2 weeks after that for the nuchal translucency test.

Dooby, hope your lack of strength is not from anything too serious? Are you OK?

Lottie, that poem shows a really lovely sentiment. Well done you. xx

I tell you one thing I'm doing for certain this time though! If all goes well, I'm definately having a 4d scan. I so wish I'd had one with Eris cos it would have given us a chance to see her alive, a video to watch sometimes. So this time, I don't care how much it costs, I'm doing it!

Felling a bit hacked off today. Dp is always crap when I'm pg. I'm obviously tired and stressed and he just seems to push me and push me. he just doesn't know when to shut up. Honestly, I get so cross with him sometimes that I'm almost in a blind rage. I swear if I was holding something heavy at times I would do him some serious damage. I've told him so many times that he'll just have to put up and shut up, and even if I seem to be being unreasonable he'll just have to take it, but he just can't help himself making stupid, unnecessary digs and comments. The thing is, I hate being strssed and it can't be any good at all for me or the baby, so why can't he accept that and just try being calm and calming as opposed to aggrevating and confrontational? Top it off with the fact I stopped taking my OCD meds a few weeks ago and I'm bound to be having a hard time of it - why can't he see that?

hazygirl · 25/06/2008 19:41

hi girls hope u all ok, and have a good holiday shabs you deserve itx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/06/2008 20:57

FM - I'm not really sure what to say regarding the edd from the scan. I guess the best way to go is to get the results from the next scan and speak to the Consultant about it. That way you can get a correct edd with all of the evidence (scan and lmp) and some reassurance.

With regards to your dp, I think you need to sit down and have a CALM chat with him when you're not feeling mad and pissed off, otherwise trying to have an 'adult conversation' can go a bit pear-shaped! Men seem to have no intuition when it comes to how we are feeling, and we expect them to 'just know'. But they never will, so you need to say something.

Also he is probably worried too about the pregnancy and you coming off your meds, and rather than express that worry through cuddles and a chat, he's expressing it by being a pita! Go easy on both of yourselves, you've been through so much in the past few months.

Oh, look at me, I'm just like Dear Deidre!

Shabs - when are you off to Faliraki? Bon Voyage, and have an ouzo for me

shabster · 25/06/2008 21:59

Evening girls. Our landlord came yesterday and said he is putting our house up for sale and given us 6 weeks notice!! We have rented here for 9 years and I really love it. Ashamed to say I started to cry in front of him. We go to Greece on Saturday and I think thats the worse part - I wish he had told us when we came back.

Anybody who believes in the power of prayer can they say a few for me....dreading trying to find a house.

Have been talking to gareth and matt all night

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hazygirl · 25/06/2008 22:08

oh shab my dd got told this 2 month ago but nothing is selling atm so hoping he will change his mind,cant bear to leave that house,its where jayden lived, ill say a big prayer for youxx

shabster · 25/06/2008 22:20

Thanks Hazy - I thought everything was going too well for us!!

I have been having a quiet cry for most of the day.

Im ready, more than ready for Greece now.

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hazygirl · 25/06/2008 22:26

nothing is selling atm ,shabs im realy sorry for you,just as life starts to look ok,
how is lewiss and his mummy and daddy ,bet he is growing already,when do you go ,how many slleeps do you havex

shabster · 25/06/2008 22:48

Lew is doing wonderfully well. I put a couple of new photo's on my profile. Em is feeling a bit poorly - bleeding quite heavily but she did that normally before her pregnancy - she doesn't have much of an appetite....she had a cry yesterday and I sat with her trying to reassure her that it will get better and SHE will get back to normal.

Today I have cleared her washing and ironing like my Nan and my Mum used to do for me. It has taken me all day but it is done and Danny has put it all away for her.

You know I am very lucky to have such a wonderful family around me....everything will get sorted.

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hazygirl · 25/06/2008 22:51

it will love ,its funny i often do dd ironing i love doing the girls clothes sad eh

shabster · 25/06/2008 23:01

I enjoyed doing Lews massive stack of tiny babygros, bibs, minute dungarees, ironing his daddys TWENTY PIGGIN FIVE TSHIRTS AND SHIRTS was nowhere near as much fun

Going to turn in sweetheart..tomorrow promises to be another 'day in paradise' Thanks for your company darling - sleep tight, dont let the bedbugs bite

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hazygirl · 25/06/2008 23:03

ive got tnite off and cant sleep,andy at airport and waiting for dd and her mate to come inx good nite hunxx

shabster · 26/06/2008 07:33

Good Morning girls - hope everybody is ok?

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lottiejenkins · 26/06/2008 08:08

Morning Shabs xx When do you go off on hols? hope you have a wonderful time.

shabster · 26/06/2008 08:27

Morning Lottie we go Saturday morning at 11am to Manchester airport. Thanks love - we always have a good time there

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