The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

[shabster]

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab

I really dont know what to say to you all tonight ..I have shed so many tears over this thread this week

each and everyone of you are in my thoughts and prayers

I have just opened a bottle of wine and am now raising a glass to you all and all our angels

as move it said earlier .. here's to a brighter week next week

I'm taking Wilfred to see Ruby-Jean tomorrow, I was somewhat underwhelmed at his response,,,, "We are going to see the new baby tomorrow"............"we see ross?"(her dad) "yes and ruby jean" "i play on the wee?".... "yes and see ruby jean"... "ok and see ruby jean mummy!" lets hope he can summon up some enthusiasm before tomorrows trip!!

Hiya girls - next week will be better...I am a cockeyed optimist but we are all here for each other, as always.

I go to Greece on the 28th but I will be easily able to keep in touch. Will try and post as often as possible...preferably before I have any ouzo

Oh Lottie. I'm sorry I must have just not even connected the dots. Sometimes i have a hard time keeping up with you all. Your DH and his best mate are probably so happy to see each other again. Your dh proabbly took his friend to heaven.

Vag- I agree with the poster who said to talk to you GP. Maybe ask him/her if they can reccomend a very good therapist that they know of personally? I fully think you are a sweet and kindhearted person and I can tell how concerned you are.

feedmenow- I would not undergo any surgery ever that was voluntary. It's why dh is the one being fixed. I'm a HUGE chicken, plus I like myself pretty much how it is lol and my teeth are crap and no reason for whitening

Hiya girls it is peeing down here in Bolton - hope you are all okxxxxx

I have just waved ross off to his grandparents for an overnight stay

i think there may be a bit of alcohol consumption tonight and watching a girlie movie (or bond movie if dh gets his way)

it was lovely here in Glasgow till 30 mins ago and now like bolton its peeing it down

It's shite here in Suffolk - cold, wet and grey.

I've just made a batch of fruit scones - and I've got clotted cream and jam to go on them

I would share them, but I'm not sure there will be any left to pass around!

hot scones with clotted cream and jam...mmmm delicious ..

wishI could bake.!!

Dry here, chance of storms. With the way my sinus's are hurtin we're gonna have some more nasty weather our way this afternoon. BLECK

Just checked the forcast. Storms till next Saturday., LOL

I'll second the weather in Suffolk Moveit!I spent an hour and a half in a mobile phoneshop, upgrading my phone! I can think of better ways to spend a Saturday!

Ick Lottie! We need to upgrade ours, but I'm lazy lol

So far it's 12:30 pm and I'm just finishing up lunch. We're going to go to my dad's cause my girls want to play in the sprinklers today lol. We have no outside water source in our flat

Morning girls - everybody ok? I had a lie in this morning!!!!

Seeing as ross is at his granny's I slept till 10.30am .. couldnt believe what time it was when i woke up. Then I picked up my book and stayed in bed till half an hour ago

lazy? ..yip, best of the day gone?..probably

completley blissful??? absolutely

he will be back within the hour .. so better make myself look presentable

Night my friends...I am going seeing my grandson tomorrow - my DS1 is back at work and Im going to spend some time with his DP - I'm giddy - she is lovely

Shabs - have a lovely day with Lewis and your dil (smile)

I have just seen the sad news about MartianBishop's husband - he has finally past away. What with Mr MB and Oj's Steve and all our little darlings, I feel so sad.

I've got a horrible feeling that this week is going to be a bit of a low week for me again. No doubt because we have another anniversary coming up tomorrow (Cole's 2nd transplant.) The anniv. seems to bring all the emotions flooding back.

Although from past experience today will probably be worse than the actual anniversary.

Ho hum, onwards and upwards.

Have a good day ladies, lets hope the sun keeps on shining - it always manages to lift my mood a little xx

Good morning everyone. I haven't been on all weekend cos I went on a hen weekend (or, within our circle of friends, it is actually called a Hag weekend!!) Had a lovely time. Theme was leopard print and I won the award for Best Effort in Leopard Print - I feel like I've won Crufts Best in Show . Had afternoon tea at The Pump Room (in Bath)and stuffed our faces. Told my 4 best mates about the pregnancy. The helped me disguise my non-drinking on Saturday night. Funny how some of the others still thought I was really hungover the next morning!

Am now starting to feel really nauseous and tired. My friend who I shared a room with asked me if I could be more pregnant than I suspect cos of my belly!

Vag, that is so sad about your cousin. I really don't know what to say. You can only do as much as you can do, and what you feel is best. You obviously really care about her but just remember that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Obviously I'm the only one who is really unhappy with numerous aspects of my body. Can't believe you lot are so content with your lot!! Must be something I need to work on....

Shabs, hope you are having a lovely day with Emma and Lewis. xx

Lottie, hope the Wilf trip went well on Saturday.

ILike, when is the anniversary?

Hi FM!

FMN I am so glad you had a good weekend, and well done on the "Best in Show" presentation

Do you suspect you could be further gone than you are ?

My cousin is up for the weekend to see her Dad and his new partner. I have asked her over for the evening on Saturday and to stay and then spend the day together on Sunday. Traditionally here in the town the pubs all get dressed up in Victorian clothing and play Victorian Cricket. There is a huge green down the road and it is played there with beer tents, side stall, bouncy castles etc, this is on Sunday. It would do her good to have some nice chilled family time and to share the load for a day or two.

I do care for her an awful lot and would never forgive myself if something happened. We have both lost our younger siblings and it's just us now.

She herself admits that she wished her DH had had her committed when they had to break into the house when she had passed out through drinking. In a way I do too, it might have given her the chance at getting the long term help she needs.

Lets hope she accepts my offer and we can have a good chat !

Shabs, have you finished hoovering, ironing, washing up all whilst holing Lewis and Em slept !!!!

Are you sure you dont live in Bolton V??

I'm watching you all the time..........

Knew you would go and be super Ya Ya.

What's he looking like apart from well fed [grrin]

Hope you told Em to get her arse on MN, then we can bleed her of all your secrets while you are gone.....

How many sleeps btw ?

He is supercalifragilisticexpeallidocious to be honest V. When Tom comes home I will get him to put new photo on my profile - not that I struggle to understand the proceedure you understand

I smell of new baby - not baby sick, lovely baby smell.

Hello ladies,

I have been busy and tired and so not on here for a week or so. So much has been going on - a lot of sadness and bravery.

I had a good sob on Saturday evening. Hubby was very good with me. My hip has been quite painful which was getting me down. We spent Saturday afternoon at the Junior School Fair. James was at the end of Year 6 when he died a year ago. Several of his classmates had come back to be at the fair. As they are now at secondary school I don't see them usually. It was hard to see how much some of them had grown up.

I actually feel fine most of the time. Someone last week was saying she didn't know how she could have coped if she had gone through what I had gone through. I don't know really. Some of it is just survival. I get on with life because, well, what else do you do? I am grateful for all that I have left, family, home, friends, new baby on the way.

Well, emotional download over.

We have the tricky question of the gravestone to sort out sometime. We can't agree on a shape and haven't even started to discuss wording. DS, Alex 8yo wants something fancy, DH wants something very plain. I would like fairly plain I think.

How did other people decide what to do?

Hiya Lou

Could really understand your sadness with regards to schoolmates growing up.

When I first came on the internet my son told me about Facebook - on I went - like a lamb to the slaughter. Over the days most of Matts class mates came on asking to be friends. I broke my heart night after night because they were no longer nearly 8yrs old - they were 23/24 and all grown up. Some with husbands and wives and (worst of all) their own babies. When I saw Matts 'girlfriend' celebrating her 1st wedding anniversary I cried like I have never cried before. I searched for his face in their 18th and 21st birthday parties but couldnt find him - obviously.

I spotted him in one school photo. He was an icicle in a school play I had to persevere and was determined I would get to know all those lovely kids all over again. I managed it somehow! It has been amazing how every single schoolmate has commented about Matt to me - even the boys (sorry men). You will get there darling....sometimes though it feels overwhelming. xxxxx

Thank you Shabster. I suppose there is a lot more of it to come, like you say. He has missed out on a lot of growing up.

Aww Lou - give me a hug darling....if you hadnt loved him so very much you wouldnt feel like this now. Your love for your son is obvious and heartwarming. Everything will be fine...I keep telling myself that xxx

My late dh's friends daughter rang me up tonight, we had a lovely chat about all the funny things he'd done... couldnt possibly repeat them. Im pleased as she has asked me to have her children when she sees the undertaker on Wednesday night. I feel like im being useful again. I still can't believe i wont see him again, ive suggested a lovely poem by Joyce Grenfell(one of my heroines) for the memorial.

IF I SHOULD GO BEFORE THE REST OF YOU
BREAK NOT A FLOWER NOR INSCRIBE A STONE.
NOR SPEAK IN A SUNDAY VOICE,
BUT BE THE USUAL SELVES THAT I HAVE KNOWN.
WEEP IF YOU MUST, PARTING IS HELL,
BUT LIFE GOES ON SO SING AS WELL.

Sums him up perfectly!!