How quickly did you return to work?

[BigCheese24]

My mum died a few days ago. Age 61. Pancreatic cancer. Diagnosed the Monday, dead the Thursday. To say we are all in shock is an understatement.

i’m 34 and this is my first loss. I’ve never lost anyone of significance. My mum was my best friend. My question is, realistically, when can I expect to feel ok to return to work?

For reference, I’m customer facing in a bank.

just looking for any help

My mum passed 4 years ago and I had 3 weeks off. Altho one week was annual leave.
my DH passed in May this year and I’ve been signed off until end of August. No idea how I’ll feel then to go back to work but hoping work will give me some distraction.

I’m commenting again just to say go with your gut.
I started doing admin from home 2 weeks ago to ease me back in and went back into school last Monday. It was the last week before school closed for summer and I could tell I was ready. People told me I’d know when I was ready and I didn’t quite believe it but I get it now.
i just kindly asked people not to say the usual to me as it would 100% set me off!
All my colleagues were fantastic when I went back and really looked after me as did the children.
I’ve now got 5 weeks to sort out our house to go on the market and crack on with probate after getting solicitors to renounce.
It’s been a very stressful and upsetting time but my head is a little clearer now

It varies so much depending on circumstance. My mum died after 15 years of dementia. It was a massive relief, and I was back at work the next day. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack - that was completely different.

I agree with others who have said grief hits everyone differently.

When my Nan died, most of my aunt's and uncles had very little time off work, but it hit one of the siblings really hard and she was off for 6 months. She needed it too, maybe could have done with longer.

I'm so sorry for your loss, you have to take as much time as you need ❤️

So sorry, OP . The only answer is as long as a piece of string. It may help to resume your routine and have something to focus on, or you may need to ask to add unpaid or annual leave to the time allowed by your employer. Grieving is a long and bumpy road. X

When my Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly I had a month off work. My mum had died many years previously so there was much more to sort out.

I work in a patient facing role in the nhs that can be emotionally challenging at the best of times so rushing back wouldn’t have been right for me, my families or their families.

I’d expect you to be getting signed off sick for a while with stress. My brother died when he was 31 (I was 28). If I hadn’t have been on mat leave I’d have definitely been off sick a while. It rocks your whole world when it is an unexpected and sudden death.

So sorry to hear your news x

I think I was off for 3 months (lost my mum at 29).

Sorry for your loss. My mum died aged 68 and I was 35, also my first significant loss. I had 3 months off work

I took six weeks off after my mum died. I was devastated and felt extremely fragile. I needed that time away from the pressures of work. I was lucky enough to be paid in full the whole time. So sorry for your loss op.

My DF died after a rollercoaster six weeks after a stroke. I was at a work meeting the next day. I’m very good at compartmentalising.
My DH died suddenly a few months later but kids were in school the next morning - I didn’t work then.
When my mum died my sisters were back at work a couple days later - I live abroad and she dyed as I was flying in - I went back to work after I flew back home a week later.
This is no way mean that I was ‘over’ their deaths that soon. But kids need taking care of and I needed the distraction. Once I got the funerals arranged etc it was good to get back in to a routine, that really helped.

My mam died very suddenly and unexpectedly… I had 8 weeks off but that also included school holidays. I was in absolute shock and her funeral was mega delayed. My dad almost died and my husband fucked off and left me with two young children.

my colleagues were actually amazing and surrounded me with love.