My father just died

[Judy1234]

It's so sad but not unexpected. In a sense he died 2 years ago when the dementia was bad and he ceased to be able to communicate properly.

We're orphans now. He was 79 and our mother died at 75 only 3 years ago. That doesn't give us children a good life expectancy. The age your parents die is the best indicator of how long you will live.

He worked full time as a psychiatrist until he was 77.

oh xenia, i am sorry. you've always spoken so highly of him, even although he's not been himself you seem to me to have lent him great dignity when dealing with his affairs. peaceful thoughts over the coming days and weeks.

Xenia, I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I know what you mean.

My nanny died christmas 05, after a few years of alzheimers, and, like you and your dad, in some ways she had died some years before.

But it doens't stop you missing the person you loved, or grieving for them.

Thinking of you and you family. xx

Xenia so sorry for your loss

Really sorry to hear this Xenia xx

is so hard to lose someone so close to you and although the person they were might have changed, you didn't really lose him until now so you will grieve just as much as you would have if he hadn't had dementia. And quite rightly - he sounds a person deserving of of a good cry (IYSWIM)

Oh, Xenia, I know you often get stick for having a life so different from the norm, but IMO, you've never been a bad person, just different experiences and either way, losing a loved parent is shit.
My thoughts are with you
x

Very sorry, Xenia.

Sorry for your loss Xenia. Maybe it would help to write down your memeories of him before he got ill.
I lost my Dad 2 years ago this August and had always had a difficult relationship with him. He was not a bad person but was a crap father to his children and husband to my mother. There was a lot of anger on my side. All of my memories are tinged with it.
I hope you have some happy memories of your father.

I'm so sorry Xenia. My dad died 20 years ago this spring and I still miss him.

It's not easy is it, even if someone has been ill for a while, in fact it can be worse in some ways.

At least he is not in pain and unhappy any more. I know that sounds corny but it's so horrid to watch someone you care for suffering that you almost do wish it to end.

Hope you and yr family find peace.

So sorry for your loss Xenia.

You have put into words what I have never expressed about my fathers death over a year ago. I grieved his loss about 10 years before he died, when multiple infarct dementia set in.

I feel for you.

sorry for your loss, xenia. dementia is awful.

I'm very sorry for your loss Xenia, and for the sadness of how your father's life ended. You always speak about him with such respect and admiration. Thinking of you x

I sent my siblings a note my father had typed about 2 years ago about his life which we might use in the address as his funeral and it is riddled with inaccuracies which would never have been there when he still had his mind. It is particularly poignant that a clever psychiatrist lost his mind like that. We glad he could be cared for at home. He had two carers there all day in the last six months and someone else at night, got a hoist at home and a £14k bed from the NHS, very well looked after but your quality of life when you can hardly talk are incontinent, your mind as gone and you can't really walk is pretty dreadful. I think he felt he had had enough in the last week or so.

So sorry to hear of your loss Xenia

Very sorry to read this, Xenia.

I think that however much it is natural to lose one's parents, one probably misses them (at their best, as they would wish to be remembered) all one's life forever afterwards. My grandmother and my mother both say this.

Deepest Sympathy to you and your family.

So sorry Xenia

Deepest sympathy to you and your family, Xenia.

Sorry to hear of your loss Xenia, I think there is something fundamentally sad to becoming an adult orphan - no matter what age you are.

Deepest sympathy for you and your family.

I know you spoke about your father on here and he sounded like an amazing man.

My thoughts are with you.

Thank you everyone.
Never die on a Friday evening before a bank holiday. It means you can't finalise the funeral date for ages.

So sorry to hear this, xenia. I hope you manage to sort out the formalities quickly and find the space to grieve. I am sure you will always have a special place in his heart. He is at peace. x

So sorry Xenia, its awful awful awful to have your father taken from you in this way - my dad had the same and i felt i lost him long before he died.
Be kind to yourself, and take some time for you. xx

The formalities seem to be taking a lot of time because tomorrow is the first business day - Friday it was after closing time, then Sat,sun bank holiday and I'm away on business for 2 days from 6am tomorrow but I've siblings so that makes it easier.

Sorry to hear your news Xenia, I hope you'll have a chance to take a break and let yourself grieve more freely after your trip. I agree, don't worry about your own life - that is far more to do with your own health. It's just that becoming an orphan is a shock and makes you think about these things. I am sure your dad was wonderfully proud of you and I think it's brilliant that he worked until so late in his life, which must have meant a lot to him.