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Original poster

My brother is dying

100 replies

rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:07

We have been told he may have 2 days, and day 1 is quickly disappearing.
I just feel so numb, he has us all around him in the hospital right now and we are just waiting for the inevitable.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe for a handhold or for someone to tell me what I can expect over the next few hours?

My parents are dozing on and off but they look so broken.

is is only 50, cancer fucking sucks

OP posts:
tgifginplease · 21/03/2025 00:10

I’m afraid I can’t tell you what to expect, however I just wanted you to know you’re not alone x

IlovePostitnotes · 21/03/2025 00:11

I'm so sorry. Big hugs. Xxx

MotherJessAndKittens · 21/03/2025 00:11

Hand hold given. So sorry this is happening but you are together with your parents and will be a support to them 💐

FloofyKat · 21/03/2025 00:14

That sounds so tough. No advice other than to let the emotions come. We’re here for you.

lolawasashowgirl · 21/03/2025 00:15

Here’s another hand hold from me. I’m so so sorry your brother, you and your Mum and Dad are having to go through this 💙

Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:16

Thank you, I have my other sibling and his partner here too..

He was lying with his eyes wide open for hours without blinking and has only just closed them, his chest is rattley but he does have a chest infection so unsure of it’s that or not.

OP posts:
HappyBrite · 21/03/2025 00:17

I am so sorry. I have no words of wisdom or solace, only my being here with you.

lolawasashowgirl · 21/03/2025 00:19

No pressure but would you like to tell us a bit more about your brother? Only if you feel like it though x

stillwaitingtobepaid · 21/03/2025 00:19

Cannot imagine how you and your parents are feeling…big massive hugs from me 😥I hope your brother is comfortable and the nurses / doctors are compassionate and caring.Xx

eurotravel · 21/03/2025 00:20

Is he in a hospice or home? There is no manual for this. Have lost parents and two good friends to cancer. Just be kind to your self. Everyone grieves differently

Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:20

stillwaitingtobepaid · 21/03/2025 00:19

Cannot imagine how you and your parents are feeling…big massive hugs from me 😥I hope your brother is comfortable and the nurses / doctors are compassionate and caring.Xx

The nurses and doctors are just wonderful, keeping us topped up with tea.
he is comfy and peaceful.
He was very agitated this morning which is unlike him.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:21

eurotravel · 21/03/2025 00:20

Is he in a hospice or home? There is no manual for this. Have lost parents and two good friends to cancer. Just be kind to your self. Everyone grieves differently

In hospital, he went downhill very rapidly and was too weak to be transferred anywhere else

OP posts:
GiddyCrab · 21/03/2025 00:21

I am so sorry xxx

Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:24

lolawasashowgirl · 21/03/2025 00:19

No pressure but would you like to tell us a bit more about your brother? Only if you feel like it though x

He was a a very quiet man of few words and very creative.
He has a calm and peaceful nature (most of the time!)

He is a fantastic uncle to my children

He loves to travel, and cook and make things out of recycled materials.

Him not being here will leave a very large hole in all of us x

OP posts:
Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:25

Just realised I wrote he was, I meant he is

OP posts:
stillwaitingtobepaid · 21/03/2025 00:26

rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:20

The nurses and doctors are just wonderful, keeping us topped up with tea.
he is comfy and peaceful.
He was very agitated this morning which is unlike him.

Show quote history

So good to hear ..I hope you are getting biscuits as well ! If you have any concerns about your brothers comfort etc ,speak up and hopefully the nurses / doctors can add something else to help him . Xx

lolawasashowgirl · 21/03/2025 00:26

He sounds like a wonderful and very special person ❤️

ChillWith · 21/03/2025 00:27

So sorry you are going through this OP. He sounds like a very lovely man. I hope he is comfortable right now. Hold his hand, tell him you love him. A very big hug to you and him right now x

lolawasashowgirl · 21/03/2025 00:28

rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:25

Just realised I wrote he was, I meant he is

It doesn’t matter please don’t worry xxx

Catatedog · 21/03/2025 00:28

while tough you and your family are doing such an amazing thing for your brother. Have you seen hospis or palitive care nurses. Is there anything your brother particularly enjoys eg a sent to massage his hand or sport on the telly or pet to bring to hospital. Talk about the memories.

BluebellsRoses · 21/03/2025 00:29

Cancer sucks, and 50 is young. I'm really sorry your brother and family are going through this@rainbowlou . 💐

I'll be praying for all of you.

In terms of what to expect, I don't know loads but in my experience the time estimate could be spot on, but sometimes people last a lot longer than the estimate. His level of awareness may go up and down, especially depending on the level of pain meds.

If it was me, I'd want to tell him all the things that I love about him or recount some of the wonderful or funny times we'd had together. Like a eulogy, but while he is still alive, so he gets the benefit of it. And have a big cry. But whether that's okay for your brother or would make things harder for him, only you can judge that.

Whatever happens, please be kind to yourself - death is hard on the survivors too, not just those who are dying. I know it's obvious, but people sometimes put so much pressure on themselves.

chiffontalks · 21/03/2025 00:33

So so sorry. Here's a hug from me. Lost a sibling to the same disease too.

Fuck cancer.

stillwaitingtobepaid · 21/03/2025 00:34

@rainbowlou The one bit of advice that I always give to relatives is to chat generally about good memories etc because hearing is there until the last moment.Xx

Original poster
rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:45

We are chatting about funny things from our childhood.

someone mentioned massage, I’m a massage therapist so he has been getting lots of those 😊

I’m sorry to everyone that’s been through this, it really is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced.

thank you to everyone that has replied, it means so much xx

OP posts:
stillwaitingtobepaid · 21/03/2025 00:53

rainbowlou · 21/03/2025 00:45

We are chatting about funny things from our childhood.

someone mentioned massage, I’m a massage therapist so he has been getting lots of those 😊

I’m sorry to everyone that’s been through this, it really is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced.

thank you to everyone that has replied, it means so much xx

Am now just going to bed ,just keep on chatting,he will hear you ,sending love to you and your brother 🙏