my FIL passed away suddenly 4 months ago. Husband not massively close with him mum maybe they would catch up once a month or so by text. Obviously when FIL passed we have helped her more, she would come for dinner pretty much everyday, stay in our house night after night and became very dependable on us. We have two kids as well, who like us, put our whole life on hold and supporting her through the 1st Xmas NY alone etc. she spends all day just sitting in our house and gets funny if I go off to do something (put washing away/have a bath/early night) and it was getting a bit much. we discussed with her that we don’t just sit around in the day/evening watched The Chase. Husband and I both have very demanding full time jobs which require our focus to do well in. This week, she asked if she could come over Sunday and husband said no, he needs some time etc/housework to do. Anyway, because of this she has absolutely lost it and phoned her sister saying we’ve cut her off and twisting things and telling half a story. She then turned up unannounced and was crying and trying to get my husband to let her in and pulling at his heart strings saying my husband died how do you think I feel. When we call her out on her behaviour she blames it on anxiety (not grief) my point is, husband and I have said we need to carry on living our lives, spending time with our kids and eachother and be free to do what we like without the fear of arguments when we say no to one small thing. The help we have given her has been above and beyond and it seems to have become expected and no real thanks given, it’s expected that I come in from work and cook a huge meal for her when she’s been sat down all day. Husband shut the door in her face last night because he just can’t cope with her mind games and is overwhelmed with it all,(our youngest son overheard her going at husband and spent all evening shaking and crying as he was so scared), he’s also lost his FIL too and sadly saw him pass away in a very traumatic way. Guess I’m looking for a way to support her but also we need boundaries and some respect for our own lives, we’re the only ones who live near but even her sister who she is close with has said she will stomp her feet until she gets her own way and I feel like she’s manipulating my husband to get what she wants.