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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lost my 18 yr old daughter

83 replies

NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:19

Hi all,
I lost my daughter on 8th of December (she likely died on the 7th).
I just don’t know how to get through the funeral…..it’s really tough to even speak at this point.

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 17/12/2024 06:21

I am so sorry. There are no words to take some of the hurt from you but I want to to know that you are heard.

kykid · 17/12/2024 06:21

I really have no words. I have a 19 year old so I can imagine the pain your in. So so sorry to you and your family Flowers

user1471530109 · 17/12/2024 06:22

I am so so sorry. There are no words anyone can say that can help take that pain away.

When is the funeral?

JennyForeigner · 17/12/2024 06:24

I'm so very sorry for your loss. If you want to speak - or not - or just to know that there are people listening, there are. Someone better with words will come along in a minute, but I am glad to have been in a universe with your daughter, and we hold your hand.

Goldenboysmum · 17/12/2024 06:27

I am so sorry for your loss, as a bereaved mother also I can understand your pain.

Almost 4 years (Christmas day)since my son died. All I can say is take it hour by hour, minute by minute if necessary.

Have you got any support at home?

Sending you lots of love ❤

MadamDicey · 17/12/2024 06:27

I am so sorry for your loss, I can not begin to understand the hurt and pain you are feeling right now .
From one stranger to another, I will be thinking about you today, X

Original poster
NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:28

Thanks for all the support - it’s on the 30th (we were offered Christmas Eve, but you can imagine why we turned it down)

OP posts:
Perplexed20 · 17/12/2024 06:30

I'm so sorry. Will be thinking of you.

sandgrown · 17/12/2024 06:32

So sorry to hear your sad news . Was your daughter ill ?

Unescorted · 17/12/2024 06:33

I cannot imagine your pain. Sending you love and a virtual hand hold to get you through.

Original poster
NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:35

@Goldenboysmum thank you for sharing your experience.
My husband is also (understandably) a mess but we are trying to ‘keep it together’ for our 16yr old son.

OP posts:
Fraaances · 17/12/2024 06:36

Oh God, that’s so very sad. I’m so sorry. I have twins the same age and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I don’t think words are enough for this.

Zonder · 17/12/2024 06:37

So sorry for your loss. It always seems so much worse when we lose someone at this time of year. Not that it's ever easy. Thinking of you.

Original poster
NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:42

@sandgrown In a way, she had been ill a long time, struggling with poor mental health for years. We dealt with lots of self harm/attempts on her life/being sectioned. Though it seems this may have been an accidental overdose of medication/alcohol or her heart just gave out - the paramedics who attended her flat said it didn’t look like an ‘obvious’ suicide attempt.

The post mortem is inconclusive, but the coroners have issued an interim death certificate so we can proceed with the funeral.

OP posts:
Sunshineandrainbow · 17/12/2024 06:44

There are no words but I am so sorry for your loss. How devastating 💔

NOTANUM · 17/12/2024 06:44

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry to read this. Just at the start of her life, it is so unfair.
Would you like to tell us a bit about her, what she liked/disliked? You don’t have to of course, only if it helps to share.

I hope you have a lot of people around you to support you and your family.

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 17/12/2024 06:46

Simply devastating op. There are no words. Would you like to tell us about her?

NOTANUM · 17/12/2024 06:47

I’ve just read your update and see that the uncertainty about the circumstances which makes it harder to deal with. None of that takes away from your grief.
She’s still your girl and always will be.

Original poster
NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:47

I’m due to visit her at the funeral home tomorrow to say a private ‘goodbye’ - I’m dreading that, but don’t want to regret not going later.

OP posts:
PiastriThePastry · 17/12/2024 06:48

Oh my love, my heart breaks for you. Sending you strength and hoping you have lots of support around you at this time and for the future x

Notgettinganyeasier · 17/12/2024 06:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. My youngest son passed away a year ago this Christmas Eve. Finding things to keep me busy helped a little and when friends offered to take me out for a walk or a coffee, I gladly accepted just to get out of the house.
I joined Sue Ryder support which helped in the early days - I receive text messages which are helpful - advice on how to get through anniversaries and mindfulness exercises.
Take it hour by hour and try not to think too far ahead. Sending hugs xx

NOTANUM · 17/12/2024 06:50

Seeing your daughter can be very difficult but can also help with the grieving process.
I lost a parent (totally different scale of pain by the way - no comparison) and found seeing them at peace brought me comfort after their difficult final few years.

Onelifeonly · 17/12/2024 06:51

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a 19 year old who has had some mental health struggles, so I can only begin to imagine the immense pain you are feeling. Take one step at a time and all the support you can get. X

EggandStress · 17/12/2024 06:53

So sorry for your loss @NeatLilac24
I hope you have people around you taking care of you and your family.

Manchesterbythesea · 17/12/2024 06:55

I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be the worst pain imaginable to lose a precious child.
Today is the 1st anniversary of my brother’s death. I’m awake early thinking of him and what he went through this day last year.
My mother is heartbroken but says that she still takes it day by day and likes to talk about him and remember the good times.
Sending you love and strength op x