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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Lost my 18 yr old daughter

83 replies

NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 06:19

Hi all,
I lost my daughter on 8th of December (she likely died on the 7th).
I just don’t know how to get through the funeral…..it’s really tough to even speak at this point.

OP posts:
Slavetomycat · 17/12/2024 07:14

Oh @NeatLilac24 I'm so sorry. Nothing will make you feel better at this time, in truth. Just breathe and eat and drink if you can, and take all the support you can.

I couldn't visit my daughter in the funeral parlor. I was with her when she died, and could not face seeing that again. I have no regrets there. Her father and brother both visited with her and felt it was a good thing.

Sending lots of comfort and peace to you at this awful time.

mrspresents · 17/12/2024 07:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take each day as it comes. Losing a child is the hardest thing anyone can go through. There are a number of charities you can reach out for support, which you may not want to do at the moment, but maybe down the line. My cousin when she lost her daughter found it helped to talk to someone that was not a family or friend x

herbygarden · 17/12/2024 07:23

I'm so truly sorry @NeatLilac24 Thinking of you Xxx

Original poster
NeatLilac24 · 17/12/2024 07:24

@Slavetomycat thank you for sharing your experience with me and I’m sorry that you had to go through this.

tbh it’s very odd having all this support, at work I’m usually the one who people come to for help.

A few have you have rightly said do it hour by hour - because your feelings literally do change that quickly.
An hour ago when I first posted, I was feeling desperately alone and afraid - and your messages helped me get through that hour. Thank you

OP posts:
ClydeBank · 17/12/2024 07:31

I’m so very sorry. I just wanted to say you are being thought about and I am sending you strength and care. I am so sorry for your loss.

AuntieMarys · 17/12/2024 07:32

I am so sorry to hear this. My ds took his own life in October and my world has collapsed.
Please look after yourself. Self care is vital at this time.
the coroner was very slow to release his body which made it even worse.
Do PM me if you need to xx

Pashazade · 17/12/2024 07:34

So very sorry to hear this. Do whatever you need to do both as a mother and a family. There are no right or wrongs just what is right for you.

NellyCortado · 17/12/2024 07:49

I am so very sorry @NeatLilac24. Sending love and strength to help you through the coming hours, days and weeks.

Fireworknight · 17/12/2024 08:04

Sorry for your loss. Sending hugs to all the family.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 17/12/2024 08:11

@NeatLilac24 so sorry for your loss.
look after yourself as best you can such as eating and drinking even if tiny amounts. It won’t make you feel better as such but it’s necessary - some sort of very vague routine like this may be useful.

BuddhaAtSea · 17/12/2024 08:19

Oh lovely, my heart goes out to you. I’m holding you in my heart, this is just…I have no words.
Sending you strength.

Raininginparadise2 · 17/12/2024 08:20

I'm so very sorry OP. Such devastating news for you and you family.

Squirrelsnut · 17/12/2024 08:21

Sending you love. I'm so sorry x.

cheezncrackers · 17/12/2024 08:22

I'm so sorry @NeatLilac24 Good advice to take it one hour at a time. A good friend of mine lost her DS at a similar age earlier this year and it's just an unimaginable loss. It's great that people are rallying round and supporting you and do eat and drink. It's probably the last thing you feel like doing, but it's really important to keep your strength up. And don't beat yourself up for whatever you're feeling. Grief comes in many forms and however you're feeling is okay Flowers

Boxfreshrussell · 17/12/2024 08:24

Sending you strength; so very sorry for your loss.

BellissimoGecko · 17/12/2024 08:26

I'm so very sorry to hear this. Be kind to yourself.

hopeidontforgetthisusername · 17/12/2024 08:28

I am so very sorry for your loss, although awful at any time I think at this time of year it seems even more cruel. I hope that you have some real life support and that posting here helps you through the times that life ahead.

Sending so much love to you, your husband and your son at this very difficult time.

WWY · 17/12/2024 08:33

Condolences OP. My cousin was killed earlier this year in a road accident. He was only 23. The loss and grief is devastating. I felt so sorry for his mum. Somehow, you do find the strength to go on. She visited him in the funeral home and said it helped as she could see it wasn't him anymore. She also spoke at the funeral with such grace and poise. I was in awe. Somethings you think you cannot do you find deep down somewhere that you can.
I am very sorry for you and will be thinking of you.

Grannyinnwaiting · 17/12/2024 10:12

My heart goes out to you and your family - such a terrible loss - may she RIP

Lindy2 · 17/12/2024 10:29

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't really have the words but my heart goes out to you all and I wish you the strength you need to manage this very difficult time.

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 17/12/2024 10:57

I am so sorry OP.

Unbearable. Love and strength.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 17/12/2024 11:00

@NeatLilac24 I am so sorry.

We lost my 16 yo dss in February so I feel your pain.

There are no words I can offer, but here if you want to vent etc.

There are some amazing posters here who have bolstered me through some of the toughest times so far.

My advice, be kind to yourself. Don't hold any expectations of how you should feel or behave.

Losingtheplot2016 · 17/12/2024 11:04

I’m so sorry to read this and will be thinking of you this Christmas.

RedDiamond · 17/12/2024 13:48

So very very sorry for your loss.

SeatonCarew · 17/12/2024 17:24

Oh love, I am so deeply sorry. Sending a heartfelt hug, 🌷